Family in Bloom

A smattering of things....

2012-02-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the last day at my current job!! I'm so excited to start this next chapter!! Even since I posted the other day, my cakes have gone like gang busters....I'm up to an extra $500 in income for February...that almost pays both of our car payments...I'll take it :) I just made my last trip to the little bakery that i love across the street from my office. It's not a big, fancy Starbuck's type. It's a mom and pop place where they handmake everything and I'll miss it!! And, I kid you not, they have the best iced tea (aside from my grandma's when I was a kid) that I've ever tasted.

Daisy finally talked to Thistle the other night (Daisy called HER). Apparently Thistle's car has been broken into. We don't know whether we believe it or not. Conveniently, Daisy's giftcards from Christmas that she got from her mom's family were stolen. So, the skeptical side of us thinks mom either sold them or spent them....I mean this is the lady who cleared out Daisy's original bank account that she had from birth to age 5 that had both her and Dandelion's name on it. She cleaned it out for her own use, of course. Who knows. It is ONE thing after another with this woman. According to Daisy they also stole her GPS and her radar detector...WHY does she have these things in the first place?!?!

And finally, Daisy's birthday party that we're taking them to the indoor waterpark (I've mentioned it before) is coming up. I mentioned that Dandelion wasn't able to go as he was getting forced in on overtime for that day. Daisy had decided the three girls (because that's what our vehicle will comfortably handle) she was inviting and had talked to them already. Unbeknownst to Daisy, yesterday I called one of those girls' moms to see if she'd ride with me that day so I'd have some adult companionship in the car with 4, 11 year old girls!! The mom said sure....we'll call her daughter friend 1.

Daisy gets home from school and CASUALLY tells Dandelion that yesterday at school she decided she would rather take friend 2 as her 3rd person instead of friend 1....so she uninvited friend 1, but she "asked her if it was ok and if it would hurt her feelings". Then she invited friend 2 instead. She thought this was perfectly fine. She figured out it WAS NOT when Dandelion's response was something along the lines of "You did WHAT?!?!?!" I know I sound like a broken record, but this child has NOOOOO social skills!!!

So, when I got home we had a discussion about this. And about how, since I had asked friend 1's mom to go with me, not only had she uninvited her "friend", but she'd also uninvited mine. And how hurting friend 1 was bad enough, but that her decisions have unintended consequences (like uninviting my friend at the same time). We are going on a big family vacation this summer...Dandelion asked Daisy how she would like it if we had been talking ALL about the vacation for awhile now, but we decided that we wanted to bring along more "stuff" so we were just going to leave Daisy at home...but we "asked her if it would hurt her feeling" before doing it. Of course, she started to cry (her go-to thing), but I'm pretty sure it was because she thought she may not get to go to Florida and was completely missing the point.

I was so livid. I'm so tired of this crap. She ONLY thinks of her feelings and what she wants in the immediate. Instant gratification. What makes that tough for us is that her mother is ALL about instant gratification!! So, we had yet another big long lecture about other people's feelings that Daisy cried through. We talked, for the bazillionth time about putting ourselves in other people's shoes, treating others as we want to be treated, etc. We, of course, made her call and apologize to friend 1. Which was another beat-our-head-against-the-wall moment. We made her sit in the kitchen and do it and she takes the phone and before she dials goes "so, I'm confused...am I re-inviting her?!" We kind of laughed and said....this part isn't about you and it DEFINITELY isn't about your party which you may not even be having at this point...it's about apologizing for hurting your supposed friend...so get to it!!

During our "discussion" we asked her about alternative way she could have handled the situation and she had nothing...not one idea. So we said "you could have come home and said 'i know you said three people, but can we talk about adding a fourth?' or you could have realized that you'd like to ask friend 2, but you've already asked friend 1 and the nice thing to do is stick with your 1st friend AND be happy about it"

If you'll remember, last year her birthday party had to be altered for her being mean to others. We found out that at a CHURCH EVENT (of all places) she was purposely and rudely excluding some kids she didn't think should get to play with her about two weeks before her party. The girls were supposed to stay the night last year, but instead we just did the nails and hair part of the party and the slumber party got cancelled as a consequence for her being rude to others. So, this is an ongoing issue.

My first though was "it's cancelled". She should not get rewarded for, YET AGAIN, being rude to others. This morning, I've mellowed and think she should be on "probation". I think we should instead POSTPONE the party (with the ORIGINAL attendees going) and from now until that time (about a month from now) if there are ANY infractions between her and her "friends" the party is off. And make it VERY clear to her that whether or not she has a party is COMPLETELY her choice and she makes that choice by how she treats others.

I know this post is getting long, but on another note, I was really proud of my husband last night. I went to enjoy a nice hot shower after dinner and after our lecture....and our room is off the living room. I overheard him continue to talk to Daisy and he told her there was someone else she needed to thank and apologize to (he meant me). She had no clue who he was talking about. He told her she needed to apologize for (even though it was unintentional) messing with my plans that I had set up with Friend 1's mom. And that she needed to thank me. She asked what I needed to be thanked for. He said "how about everything? If you haven't noticed, your mom isn't around much and that's her choice, that's no one else's fault, but hers. And Tulip picks up ALOT of that slack. She takes you to tumbling, she plans your birthday parties, she's chaperoning your school field trip....I could go on and on about the things you could thank her for that she DOESN'T HAVE TO DO FOR YOU. She doesn't have to spend her evening talking to you about being nice to your friends. Who wants to do that? She does it because she cares about you and wants you to have friends now and in the future. That's what parents do." He went on from there and I even heard him talking to her about being "entitled" and how she needs to earn things, that she isn't owed things, but it was so nice to hear him say those things. Now, I still haven't received said apology or thank you, but I don't even care. That only reflects on her, at least I know my husband's got my back and recognizes what I do for his child!! And whether she wants to hear it or not, maybe someday she'll remember his words too.

A broken system in the media...

2012-02-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

If you haven't read/heard anything about the Josh Powell story, read this (and be prepared to be disgusted)....

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/final-voicemail-released-josh-powell-murder-suicide-explosion-article-1.1018458

I, and other blended families in contentious situations (whether you're a bio-mom, custodial stepmom, custodial dad, whatever)....we all bitch about a broken system. And we don't have a horrendous situation like in the article above.

Though there wasn't enough evidence, most involved (including the police) believed that Josh Powell murdered his wife a few years ago. She disappeared after he took his two very young boys on a middle of the night, middle of winter mysterious camping trip. It was completely bizarre. More recently, custody was stripped from him and it was stated that he needed to undergo a "psycho-sexual" evaluation. I don't even know what that is, but I'm assuming it isn't good! And this man STILL had visitation rights with his sons....and he murdered them at the most recent visitation. Sure, it was "supervised" but he took the boys in the house and locked out the social worker, chopped the boys with an ax and proceeded to blow up the house they were in....and this was all after he, most likely, murdered their mother.

According to the maternal grandparents, who had custody of the boys, they had warned anyone who would listen that they feared something like this would happen...and no one listened...and happen it did. I'm disgusted and I'm so incredibly sad for those boys. We worry about Daisy being exposed to her mom's transient lifestyle, possible drug use and boyfriend after boyfriend and think HER mom should have supervised visitation...HA!! This loser still got to see his kids IN HIS HOME!! I understand you can't strip away someone's rights based on assumptions and innuendos, but his supervised visitation could have taken place at a facility...one where Josh Powell would have been searched before he entered. One at which he could not hatchet and blow-up his precious little boys.

My heart aches for them and it aches for all of the other kids so deeply affected by our broken, broken system!!!! How can we expect the system to work for us, when it failed so miserably in a much more extreme case? Disgusting.......

Drowning in cake!!

2012-02-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

Well, since I'm taking this new, part-time job I will have more time to build up my cake business. The job I currently hold (for the next week that is) is a HEAVILY regulated industry, so I was not allowed to do any actual marketing for my cakes. Since obtaining my new job I've started a social networking page for my cake business and I've been getting emails left and right. I'm excited!! So far, February is slated to bring in an extra $315 in cake revenue and I've got $50 (so far) lined up for March...and I just launched my page a week ago! Clearly, it's not money I'm going to get rich off of by any means, but I LOVE doing it and who doesn't want a little extra cash?! I'm pumped!

On the Daisy front, there's not much going on there. Her mom flaked out not this past weekend, but the weekend before, as I posted here. The weird thing is, Dandelion told her that her mom was "sick". I think he phrased it like "she says she's sick". We hate to help her lie, but we're not going to out and out say "she's a liar" either so..."she says she's sick" is a pretty safe way to explain it to Daisy. Anyway, he told Daisy that and her response was..."oh, ok". That's it...didn't rush home to call her mother and make sure she was alive...nothing. Honestly, as far as we know, she hasn't talked to her mother in two weeks. Weird. Not weird that Thistle wouldn't call her, but usually Daisy would call Thistle at some point.

Daisy's birthday is coming up. We have a friends party planned for two weeks from now. We're taking them to a nearby indoor water park. Or WE were supposed to. Dandelion got his work schedule and is now being forced in on overtime that day. Oh joy. That leaves me to take 4 eleven year olds 45 minutes away to an indoor waterpark...by myself!! Yes, we could postpone it, but then it would be two weeks AFTER her birthday and the exact same thing could happen with Dandelion's work schedule so what's the point? I'm about to go into convulsions imagining 1.5 hours (round trip)in the car with 4 eleven year old GIRLS!!! AHHHHHHHH!! The "ohmagawd"ing is going to be one notch below unbearable, I'm sure!! Hey, maybe Daisy will at least say thank you.....hahahahahahaha!!! Oh, I'm such a comedian, who am I kidding?!

We are taking them to the waterpark and then to a pizza place for supper. Daisy, in her quest for always wanting more than she is being given, asked me yesterday if they could also stay the night. We're pretty sure our answer is no. 1.) we have her family birthday supper the following day and she is a BEAR the day after sleepovers. She complains to EVERYONE who will even look at her how "TIIIIIIIRED" she is. If you want to stay up til 3 am, that's fine, but don't bitch about it the next day, especially at a party being held FOR YOU!! 2.) 4 eleven year old girls who will be together from about 1 pm until probably 6:30 or 7 pm is enough. Let them be together any longer than that and fighting, drama, and bickering is inevitable....especially with more than two girls and 3.) one of the girls going has trouble staying the night places and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I get woken up at like 3 in the morning because she's "scared". I don't have a lot of patience with it. I'm kind of a "suck it up" type person. You're eleven, go back to sleep. Or, better yet, her parents should be responsible and not let her stay...let her go to the party, but then pick her up before bedtime so as not to torture the host parents with their kid getting up repeatedly in the middle of the night. My 6 month old rarely even wakes me at night anymore! So, in short, Daisy will be pumped for her water park party, but she will inevitably pout because she's not getting to have her sleepover. Part of that "nothing is every good enough" thing she has going on.

Can you tell I'm not much looking forward to this party especially since Dandelion now isn't even going to be there to help me and keep me sane? I need to just put on my happy face and suck it up!!!!

A flaky pattern?!

2012-01-30T06:48:00.000-08:00

Amy asked in a comment on my last post if she was correct in her observation that Thistle had flaked out on her time alot more lately. The answer is yes, definitely.

In all honestly, even though she was still a crap mom, when she lived 2.5 hours away and was married to Poison Oak AND had a DUI and couldn't drive she STILL found a way to get Daisy picked up every other weekend. Our problems then were often with her not bringing her home when she was supposed to, but not too many problems on the pick-up end of things.

Now, she has flaked out probably 6 times in the last six months? That's alot. Some of it was when Daisy was in cross country and the reason there was obvious...she didn't want to be responsible for getting Daisy where she needed to be early in the morning on a Saturday for her meets....we weren't surprised by those instances.

This weekend was just a random flake out. Maybe the woman was sick (I sincerely doubt it), but as Dandelion and I have discussed before, she lies so darn much about this crap that she could be on her death bed in the hospital and we wouldn't believe she was actually ill. You reap what you sow on that, i guess. My guess is she had a "date" on Friday night and wasn't sure if the date was going to last all weekend or not, but she wanted to be available in case it did. And even if she was sick....mothers don't get to 'call off' when they're sick. I had strep throat before Christmas and was home sick from work. I STILL took Daisy to school and I had Sweet Pea home with me (babies rarely get strep). You still have to be a mother....

She really doesn't even pretend to try anymore. She never calls Daisy, or rarely calls her and when Daisy calls her she doesn't return the call. Of course, she claims her phone is broken, but whatever. This is now a FULL year since Poison Oak...probably the longest she's EVER gone without a man in her life to support her financially. She's got to be beyond depressed in addition to whatever other mental problems she already has (and I KNOW there are some).

Daisy didn't even seem surprised that her mom didn't pick her up....I think anymore she expects little to nothing out of her, but she's still fiercly loyal to her. But it was when her mom was flaking all the time in the fall that she was REALLY acting out alot at school, so hopefully we don't start that back up again!!!

It'll be interesting if our assumptions were correct and this weekend was about a guy. usually she wants nothing to do with Daisy when she's "hooking" a guy, but then once they're an item she wants to bring Daisy around and play "happy family" and have Daisy calls his kids brother and sister and call the guy daddy and other ridiculous stuff. We'll see if this guy sticks around long enough for that or not.

I think it's getting harder for her to catch a man than it used to be. For one, he's back in the area she's actually from and her reputation preceeds her. And it's not a good one. She's burned alot of bridges and is regularly known as a compulsive liar and a general psycho...I'm not even exaggerating because of my experiences. This is what people generally think of her. Additionally, she's in her mid-thirties now and has lived a ROUGH existence....she's covered in ink (her choice and I know some people are into that), has smoked for YEARS and we're pretty sure does some kind of drugs. Her teeth are falling out and last time I saw her she was frighteningly thin. Not a wow you look slender kind of way like I immediately thought "WHAT has she been doing to lose so much weight..." Her hair is worn in the exact same style she wore it in her heyday in about 1996. I mean she's not the "hot young thing" she thinks she is anymore. What a sad, sad life!!

flake...

2012-01-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a great weekend all planned out. Daisy was going to be at her mom's and Dandelion was working days. He and I were going to watch a non-child friendly movie tonight and have a quiet dinner at home and I was going shopping with my mom tomorrow and then our for a friend's 30th birthday tomorrow night.

And then mommy dearest flaked out this afternoon.....she's "sick" of course. And, amazingly, she already knows she'll be sick for the whole weekend...funny how that works.

I detest that woman. So, her dad is working, her mom is too busy and I'm picking up the pieces. Which means I have to take an eleven year old shopping tomorrow. awesome. if we're not doing all her, all the time at the mall, she's unhappy. Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to shitty mothers!!!

Exciting....

2012-01-27T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I can officially announce that I've accepted a PART TIME marketing and development position at a local hospital.

I am so, so, so excited! I will get to use my skill-set and my education and spend more time with my little man. With my husband's sometimes crazy work schedule this will free up more of my time and be much more flexible so I feel like I'm not half-assing (pardon the language) every aspect of my life!! My house will be clean(er), laundry won't pile up (as much) and I can get dinner on the table more often! This is also closer to home, so it's much less of a commute and I'm soooo looking forward to it!

Though it will be weird...I have worked full-time everyday since I graduated from college. It will feel bizarre to me at first that a few extra days a week I will have nowhere that I'm obligated to go. But who am I kidding...new obligations will crop up, but I'm ready for the fresh start!!

Stagnant....

2012-01-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

That's kind of how I'm feeling...stagnant to negative....about stepmotherhood these days. I don't know what this "funk" is about, and I need to move on from it, but it's where I'm at.

I think I've written about this before, but Daisy and I just don't have a lot in common, we are not alike in personality or interests. In my life, I've never been friends with those "center of attention" type people....I just don't get on well with them and they bother me, for lack of a better way of putting it. And Daisy is one of those people...you all know this from my posts over the years. Needy, has to be center of attention, etc. Our pastor says that that ONE thing in your life that bugs you and eats at you, etc is the thing that God is calling you to work on...He's brought it to your life for a reason. And I pray often to make it better, to help me deal with the situation in a better way, but it's HARD! If Daisy were a woman my age, to be blunt, with the personality she has, she is not someone I would choose to associate with. And she lives with me and alot of her care falls to me...I know I'm whining, but it's a tough spot to be in.

Mothering my little boy has come so naturally to me...surprisingly (to me and my mom both) I have felt confident with him, haven't had to ask a lot of questions on how to do certain things...I just fell into a routine. And I love being a mom. Stepmotherhood to me, feels like an ill-fitting shoe. It rubs me the wrong way at all times (and it did before my little guy was born, so this has not been brought on by him...I can just now compare the differences whereas before I had nothing to compare it to). I don't think it helps that Daisy is basically eleven years old. I mean, really, it's not like eleven year old girls are super pleasant in general. No woman I know thinks "man, I'd give anything to be eleven again...." and know mother i know is like "eleven is my favorite age of my daughter so far..." So add the general awkward/disagreeability of that age to my feelings about the situation and it's just compounded.

I don't enjoy doing things with her....she looks for the negative in just about every situation. For example, remember that she went on a vacation this summer with my inlaws RIGHT before sweet pea was born (they got home Tues and he was born Weds!). The summer before that we went on a beach vacation with my parents. We have an SUV with a third row of seats. There were four adults and Daisy, so Daisy sat in the third row. Well, now we're working on planning a vacation with my in-laws for this summer. In conversation, my mother in law tells me how much Daisy LOVED going on vacation with them this summer because she said when she went to the beach with us she got "stuck" sitting all the way in the back and with them she got to sit in the middle section of their van. I, somewhat snippily said "well, there were four adults, of course she was sitting in the back....." What I WANTED to say was..."excuse me that her highness had to sit in the back, surrounded by snacks and things to do and watch DVDs on the WAY TO THE FREAKIN' BEACH!!!!!!! Thousands of kids in America would kill to spend a week at the beach and wouldn't care HOW they got there. But she found a way to manipulate it around and make someone feel sorry for her in the process about, let me repeat, GOING TO THE BEACH!!! Seriously?!?! Boo hoo, feel sorry for me my dad and bitch stepmom took me on a beach vacation?!" Yeah, luckily that is NOT what I said to my mother in law, but I wanted to.

This morning on the way to school, we normally drive in awkward silence (because I've tried having idle conversation in the past and I barely get one word answers so what's the point. Instead I decided to ask..."so, do you have any tests this week?" I got, "I don't know....why wouldn't we?!" So (not mature, I admit) I said just as snippily back "I was just asking...sorry for bothering you!!!" AHHHHH!!!!

We are in the process of getting bids to finish our basement. Daisy is telling everyone we tell (really only my family and Dandelion's family) that this means she'll no longer have the concrete surface to rollerblade on!! Not the happy part of having a carpeted family room and area for her stuff....but the negative of no where to rollerblade when she does that MAYBE once a month! Or when we drive past the house we sold that she lived in with Dandelion alone before we got married and built our house. It's a tiny little house, but she looks at it longingly and sighs about how much she misses it. Bullshit...you miss living alone with your dad before I "horned in". She currently has a room that I completely did in pink and black (like she wanted) when we moved in and being right on the cusp of 'tween she quickly no longer liked pink. So....last year for her bday my PREGNANT self....re-painted her entire room. But yes, let's please be ungrateful about that, as well.

I just want to give up on her. I don't want to be the one to care for her, I don't want to help her with things, I'm just mentally exhausted from trying!! I'm impatient with her. I've told you how incessant she can be...she had a classmate stay the night Friday night and I was in the kitchen cooking most of the evening. Instead of entertaining themselves she came in the kitchen NO LESS than ten times "can we do this, can we do that?!" So that, I SWEAR...when I said no, she could be dissappointed. For example, one question was "can we play play-doh in my room?!" Really? we don't even eat or drink things besides water in our bedrooms so you were surprised/upset when I said no to playing with play-doh on your carpet?!?!

I know it sounds nuts, but I SWEAR she "likes" to be dissappointed. I think it's all she knows in life, she's comfortable with it so even in what would normally be "happy" situations, she finds a way to be dissappointed about them. Even if she has to manufacture a reason by asking for something ridiculous where she knows the answer will be no so that she can be the victim. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of her "issues". Seriously, just give me a week of NORMAL!!!!

When we went on said beach vacation 18 months ago her "issue" for the trip was eating. Everywhere we went she either wanted steak, crab, or lobster. I'm not even joking. I would order a $12 or $15 sandwich meal and she'd be pissed (this actually happened) when we said "no" to her getting a $30 filet. But, we were having a great vacation where she, as the only kid, was the center of attention so she had to find something to "bring it down". And she did...every meal was a fight because she'd want to order something more expensive than any of the adults were getting.

I'm just tired. And please, I know that she "didn't ask for this situation" and I "sound harsh" and all that stuff. I get it...this is my venting place and that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm frustrated and I feel alone. What am I supposed to do...tell Dandelion his kid drives me nuts?! Hardly.

I'm tired of her acting like showering is a punishment (because her mom told her it's mean we make her shower daily....sorry, you're eleven...eleven year olds smell), I'm tired of her pointing out the negative....no less than five of her Christmas presents she had to come and put them in my face and show me what was wrong with them. And we're talking minor flaws or imperfections, not completely broken worthless items...but she find EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. and complains about them! Example, "Tulip, this perfume you got me is broken and is leaking, there's something wrong with it." With her upturned nose and disgusted expression. I silently take it, screw the cap on tight and the problem is fixed....seriously?! But her mother could buy her a freaking trash bag and it would be the "GREATEST GIFT SHE'S EVER RECEIVED!!!!"

I'm tired of being used, I'm tired of being taken for granted, I'm tired of the expectations and the entitlement! In short, I'm tired. And I'm really scared for the person she is/will become.

Still Clinging on....

2011-12-27T06:46:00.000-08:00

A cling-on...one of the little turds (sorry for the grossness) that hangs on my dog's butt sometimes after she does her "business". Yes, that sounds about right, Thistle is a cling-on.

Through our county's court record websites we see that Thistle's divorce from Poison Oak was final 3 days before Christmas (Merry best-Christmas-of-your-life, Poison Oak!!!)...the 22nd. She also called Daisy (left a message, we weren't home) with "something very important" to tell her that night. Seriously? You call your kid 3 days before Christmas to blather on about your divorce? Wow! But, the 10 year old IS her confidante, so why am I surprised?!

Anyway....we have since realized that on her social network page she has changed her name to our last name. Are you freaking kidding me? I knew she was going to do this. I think I even posted about it when her and Poison Oak first split up. But seriously?! How pathetic. I know her reason will be that "her last name should be the same as Daisy's", you know, the kid she sees 4 days per month....sometimes, but still...gross. So you switch from one ex-husband's last name to another ex-husband's last name?! I mean, as I've said before, her and my hubby weren't even married two years(a decade ago), start to divorce finalized.

And the funniest part, when she married Poison Oak she put her status as something like "I'm Thistle Hislastname now, NO MORE OURLASTNAME!!!!!!!!!!!" In huge letters like it was this awful thing...(makes you wonder what her now ex-husband thought of this that her first thing to post after she married him was STILL about my husband?! So, does she think her facebook friends don't remember this? I mean really? I remember it. And now she's taken the name back again. What a loser. My husband is so disgusted, crap she does doesn't usually get to him anymore, but he was just plain grossed out for her to be in any way associated with him again.

YUCK!!! Cling on!!

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy for Christmas this year...up until last night we weren't sure if my hubby would be off or not and he IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woo hoo!!! He gets Christmas eve AND Christmas day off. It's actually the first time he's had two days off in a row in MONTHS!

As I reflect and realize how incredibly blessed we are, the ol' softy part of me can't help but be a little sad. Tonight, I'm taking Daisy shopping to get her mom a Christmas gift. The mom that wasn't even planning to see her on Christmas until we kind of pushed the issue (and we still don't know if she'll follow-through and see her or if she'll be "sick" or some other excuse). But anyway, I'm taking her shopping to get a gift. And it hit me, whatever gift we buy her is, most likely, the ONLY thing she'll receive for Christmas. I know she's brought it on herself and I know Christmas isn't really about the gifts...I get that. Afterall, half of the family that I'm so blessed to have could still be hers had she not squandered that opportunity. But still, what a sad, sad life. And this woman is an awful mother and has TORTURED us over the years, but she's human. I usually try to have her get something as cheap as possible for her mom, but this year I think I'll give her a $20 or $25 budget. I know it's not much, but it could buy a decent shirt or something at Kohl's....and it's the right thing to do and will make Daisy incredibly happy to be able to do something for the mom she loves so much!

So...I know you won't appreciate it, Thistle, but Merry Christmas!

We're going to enjoy a relaxing day at home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) and go to candlelit church service tomorrow night, which I LOVE!!! Then Sunday morning we'll be up and at 'em bright and early for our Christmas morning at home then off to brunch at my in-laws and spending the afternoon with my parents and eating dinner with them. Yep...blessed!

Merry Christmas or happy whatever holiday you and your family happen to celebrate! Have a blessed new year!

A Tuesday funny.....

2011-12-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

There are certain things in stepmom life that, say 3 years ago, would have royally pissed me off. These days, I can laugh at some of these things. That's progress, I say!! So, here's one from this week....

On Thistle's social networking page (which we check occassionally for a giggle)apparently someone wrote something to the effect of "how's your daughter doing?" To which she OVER THE TOP responded that she was doing WONDERFULLY and doing so great in tumbling and in school, blah, blah, blah.

Um.......really?

First of all, I think we should print it out because, according to her (when speaking to us or anyone court related) Daisy is MISERABLE in our care. Secondly, the things you're taking credit for? They're not "yours". Quit trying to take credit for Daisy's successes....you're barely even involved in her life!! In second grade...the last time you had any sort of custody, the child had C's....SECOND GRADE....they were still coloring!!!! Now, straight A's are the norm, with the occassional B thrown in for balance. Tumbling? Anytime she had a practice (for her recital) on "your" time...you flaked out! Either didn't take her or didn't pick her up for your visitation so WE'D have to take her. And tumbling is something I (not even hubby here, this was all me!) got her signed up for and it's the one thing in her life she's stuck with the longest! TWO YEARS NOW!!! That's HUGE for Daisy who never lived in one place (with you) long enough to do anything for two weeks, let alone two years!

So, in short, go ahead...take credit and try to tell people (who obviously aren't close enough to the situation to know you have your daughter 4 days per month on a GOOD month)that you're raising this wonderful, awesome, successful child. When in reality, I'll just go ahead and take it as a compliment because all those good things?! They're in SPITE of you, lady!!

And on a slightly different note...Daisy has two events this week at school. A band concert and a performance at a b-ball game. We sent a letter to her mother last week telling her about both and also sent a school picture and her last report card (we always do this). So, last night I said, "Dad sent your mom a letter last week telling her about event A and B this week and sent your school picture." "yes, mom said she got the picture." "That's good...so is she coming to your stuff this week?" "Well, she told me she doesn't know what time it is so I don't know." I couldn't let that one go. I said, "Daisy, your dad put the times in the letter. We always put ALL the details in the letters. He's not going to send a letter about an event and not tell her when/where it is." In return I got a death glare that said "You'd better shut up and not even THINK about telling me my mom's lying because I am using every ounce of my being to convince myself otherwise!!!" It's pathetic how she always does this stuff. We ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS send letters with EVERY detail about her events. And EVERY time there some reason she can't come that is our fault. She doesn't know where it is. She doesn't know what time it is, blah, blah, blah. And, like my husband said...even if that were true....these are school events. A 30 second phone call to the school could get her the information if she actually wanted it. In fact, we accidentally threw away the paper about one of the events so that's how I got the information...I called the school!! Keep lying to yourself, Daisy. It'll make that fall off the pedestal when/if you finally figure it out that much more painful!!! Poor kid....

hello!!

2011-12-05T08:44:00.001-08:00

Hello all!! Well, we had a great Thanksgiving and we're in the full swing of holiday madness at our house! Dandelion is still working like crazy, but what's new?

Daisy's mother was entitled to four hours with her on Thanksgiving...we heard not a word from her. How sad? In actuality, Daisy called her mother the monday evening before Thanksgiving....she never heard back. She finally called her mother again on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and her mom then answered. She had her mom on speaker phone and I was doing laundry (our laundry room is next to Daisy's room) so I could hear the conversation. She did ask "mom, why didn't you call me back when I called you Monday?" And mom said "Oh Daisy, my phone hasn't been working at all, in fact I'm surprised it's even working right now to talk to you. I didn't even get your message until Thanksgiving and then I knew you'd be busy with your dad that day and the day after so I was going to call you today, but you called me first." Nice. Of course Daisy bought it hook, line, and sinker and said "Ooooh...ok!!" So hard not to bust through the door and go "LIAR!!!! And who in the world doesn't at least CALL their kid on a major holiday!!" Especially when, if Daisy thought about it at all she'd realize her mom lives with her grandmother who has a home phone and there are four other adults who live there that all have cell phones I'm sure she could have used. But, that doesn't fit into the little fake scenario Daisy likes to set up in her head and I understand she is mentally protecting herself by believing all of her mom's crap!!

So, completely ignored by mom for an entire week including a major national holiday gets us what? Well acting out at school on monday and Tuesday, of course? She got in trouble both days...the first time for arguing with the teacher's aide and the second for arguing with the teacher herself!! LOVELY!!!!!!!! I lectured AGAIN about it. But grounding the child does nothing. My husband made a good point, it's like she's gotten so much stuff taken away from her in life that she's used to it and having stuff taken away has no effect on her whatsoever!! I've just about given up. I'm about ready to just let her be whatever (mess) she's going to be and just be done. I've tried...for five years I've tried everything I can. She doesn't want our help, she resents it, she CONTINUALLY acts out towards others...I'm frustrated and, at this point, I'm handling it all by myself!!

I'm SOOO angry at her for being mean to other people. I think bullying is WRONG and uncalled for and I am NOT happy about it in the least. She's gotten to the point where everytime she gets a lecture/in trouble, the second she gets done hearing what we have to say she says "can I call my mom?" Well of course you want to, because if you hurry up, tell her the issue and she tells you that it's "not your fault and you shouldn't have gotten in trouble" then that absolves you of everything and you can live in your bubble, pretend we're mean, and you're right and keep doing what you've been doing!! Hm...sounds just like Mommy dearest herself!! We may have created that monster because long ago we made a policy that she could "always" call her mom, unless of course we were eating or something and then she could call as soon as we were finished. We did this because mom was telling Daisy over and over that we wouldn't "let" her call so we made a point to tell her she could call whenever she felt like it...we'll now that's biting us in the butt because she's using "whenever" as "right after I get in trouble to make me feel better and confirm that you are a bitch!" It completely derails and headway we might make when talking to her about issues that come up.

I'm coming to realize the only way we're going to "salvage" Daisy is if she has NO unsupervised contact with her mother whatsoever!! But, of course that won't happen because, in the court's mind, her mother is not abusive and that's the only reason they'll do supervised interaction...of course!

So frustrating. Even my husband is totally disgusted and at a loss for what to do with her....she just seems so SET in behaving this way, I don't understand it! Doesn't she WANT to be a nice person? Doesn't she WANT to have friends? Sigh...

Here I am...

2011-11-17T10:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been absent again. I was waiting to post, hoping that I'd have some exciting news to share (no...i am NOT preggo again), but nothing yet so maybe next time.

Things are good here in that everyone is happy and healthy and we really couldn't ask for more than that. However, Dandelion's work schedule has not let up and I. AM. TIRED. He's still working six days a week 13 hours per day plus drive time(he now has to come in early and stay a half hour late so it's not 12 hours anymore). With me being back at work we literally see each other for about 20 minutes in the mornings. We have a routine down and it's going ok, I just miss my husband and having a helping hand around the house. Between taking care of our little guy and running Daisy where she needs to go for her activities, housework has taken a backseat. I keep the house from being just downright disgusting, and sometimes that's about all I have time for. For example, last night I just put away the little guy's laundry that I did on Saturday. Yeah.....no time!!

I am parenting Daisy by myself which is frustrating. Sharon, I know you do this when Batman is away and I see now why you sometimes have mentioned struggling with it. It's HARD. I have to be the parent, the disciplinarian, the homework nazi....all of the above. For a kid who already resents/doesn't like me!! Fun times!!

We've been checking in with the teacher weekly and, behavior wise, she says Daisy is doing much better...that's a very good thing!! I hope it keeps up though..her bullying seems to go in waves. However, her teacher says she lacks confidence in her school work and I am seeing this at home too. She relies on us to check her work and, in my opinion it's too much. It's not just a quick once over. She wants us to in-depth check it. As in check the answers to reading questions that would require me to read the entire story she's been reading all week in class. Maybe that sounds lazy of me, but I don't think that's a parents job...at least not for a 5th grade student. It has caused her to just slap down any old answers and be careless and rely on us to find her mistakes. It's been bothering me for awhile. I don't mind helping, but when I feel like I'm doing more work than she is on HER homework...I don't think that's right. Not to mention that, I don't think she's learning anything. She has NO retention. Her school work is beginning to build from one week to the next (as it will continue to do as she gets older) and she'll say "I don't know how to do that." And I'll be like "Daisy, we just did this last week." And she will SWEAR up and down that she has NO clue how to do it. None. Nada! Won't even attempt it. The teacher is seeing the same thing.

For example, this was actually a science problem but the gist of it was you needed to "find half of 48" That's how it was worded. There was no mention of divide, etc. just "find half". She SWORE she had no clue how to find half of something. None whatsoever. Are you kidding me? She has been doing division for 2+ years now. And we're talking they're up to long division now....finding half of 48 should be a walk in the park. And I have NO patience with that. If she honestly didn't understand it, that would be one thing, but I just see lazyness and a ploy for attention when she claims she can't find half of a number like that.

So....the teacher and I have spoken and the teacher thinks it will be best if, after the holiday break, we no longer check her homework for her anymore. She wanted to set a time to start so we had a concrete mark from which to measure. The teacher and I both realize that the grades may dip as she adjusts to being responsible for her own work, but we feel if it teaches her to be more self-reliant and confident that it will be worth it. I informed Daisy of this because she doesn't do well with "all of a sudden" stuff. She just sat there dumbfounded. Like her lifeline had been cut. THAT'S how much she relies on us checking her work. If in 5th grade my mom had said "i'm not checking your work anymore" I would have been like "ok, whatever." It wouldn't have even been a blip on the screen. Daisy, on the other hand, acted as if I killed her puppy when I told her. I told her that it wasn't a punishment, just a way for her to start being more responsible for her own work and therefore hopefully more confident. She didn't like it one bit!!

We shall see how it goes. I just hate how reliant she is on us for her work...she's learning nothing and we're doing all the heavy lifting. Something has to change!

Hanging in...

2011-11-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

Well...back to work is going ok. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed since, with my husband's current work schedule, I'm basically single momming it! I see him for about a half hour in the mornings. I'm so exhausted today, but that's mom life, I guess!

I'm kind of feeling like a bad mommy since all I want to do in the evening is cuddle with my little man, but there are still dishes and laundry to be done, Daisy still has tumbling, homework, supper to be made, etc. Needless to say I'm getting LOTS of use out of the crock pot!!

I knew being a mom wasn't easy and I've got a serious case of working mommy guilt going on. Little guy doesn't seem to mind...he did well his first day at the sitter (my good friend) and she texted me a couple pictures and he was all smiley and adorable.

As far as Daisy, we're keeping the line of communication open with her teacher. She got a good report on Monday and we didn't hear anything yesterday. Hopefully it will continue to go smoothly if she knows she's under such tight surveillance, for lack of a better term. I just wish we could get her counseling and she would decide to put her words into actions and treat people the way they deserve to be treated.

Just feeling a little blue today and missing my baby boy. I know I'll get through this transition and I'm lucky to have the great childcare that I do!

Back at it...

2011-10-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm back to work today. So far, so good. We took the kids out trick or treating last night. Daisy was a zombie cowgirl (her choice) and my little Sweet Pea was a duckling....so cute!!

Unfortunately we got a letter from the teacher last week. After parent teacher conferences (two weeks ago) she said she was going to make an effort to make surprise visits to the playground, lunch room, and to free time after p.e. because she had heard that's where Daisy's bullying issues occurred...during unsupervised time. She said she saw glimmers of an attitude toward other kids during class time, but nothing terribly severe. Well, she paid this "extra attention" during free time for a week and it resulted in a letter home to us documenting three separte instances of bullying...one in which she pushed a BOY down hard on the playground because he cut in line and wouldn't listen to Daisy when she tried to boss him back to where he was supposed to be. Ironically, one of the other instances was when Daisy herself was cutting in line...someone called her on it and she yelled and got nasty with them and continued to do it. So, in other words, there are a different set of rules for Daisy and other children according to Daisy. AND she expects everyone to do EXACTLY as she wants them to do and behave exactly as she wants them to behave or she lashes out, pushes them down, etc.

MY. HUSBAND. WAS. PISSED. Honestly, I've never seen him so mad at her and he cut her no slack. We sat her down and she started crying about how she "felt terrible for acting this way" He said, "you know what Daisy, I bought this from you (the crying and "i feel terrible") the first 3 or 4 times we've had to discuss this, but I don't buy it anymore. You are mean to people who don't do/act how you want them to and it is unacceptable and, for whatever reason, you won't stop. You already get invited nowhere and no one calls you. Why do you want to continue this?" Cue more crying. He actually got more harsh than I might have, but she never gets spoken to in that frank manner so if it shocks her out this, then maybe it's a good thing. He continued, "Daisy, I'm going to be really blunt here....you tell us how your mom has no one and you're all she's got and it's because she has 'bad luck'....keep on this path of bullying and being hateful and you'll be lonely and miserable just like your mother. I get ugly text messages, phone calls, etc from her and I know she treats others that way as well. You can deny that she does and defend her because she's your mother and you love her, but I know that you know the truth. I want you to love your mom, you should love your mom, but you don't have to idolize her. It's clearly not serving you very well."

We finally, FINALLY discussed how Daisy acts like she's miserable with her life most of the time (even though we provide a really nice life for her). He said again, "if you haven't noticed, your mom wants you to hate it here. For example, it is not normal that we told you we were going to have a baby and the first thing she told you is that no one here would love you anymore. That's not normal, that's not what a mom does. We are not mean because you have to study for tests, or clean your room. That's life. Your mom will continue to tell you that everything that goes on in this house is bad or awful no matter how normal it is. I guarantee you classmate x,y, and z all have to clean their rooms, study for tests, etc. Your mom is mad that you live here and she wants you to be mad about it too. You have a choice to look at your life in a positive way or you can continue to act like you are the most pitiful, deprived child in the world."

He briefly explained depression (in kid terms) and gave her the symptoms of it. He said that he believed her mom suffered from depression and that she was modeling her mom's behavior. That sleeping all day, not talking to anyone and moping around was not a healthy way to look at life! The conversation went on and on, but he said alot more and was more blunt with her than he ever has been. She seemed to take it all in and told us (though she's good at telling us what we want to hear) that living like her mom (no job, no money, no friends, no home) was not how she wanted her life to turn out. She, of course, jumped in to defend her mom a few times. After she told us her mom is always sick, we jumped right back..."does she still smoke? That doesn't really lend itself to a healthy lifestyle or could make any sickness she does get worse." And, what do you know, her sicknesses are lots of times, coughing/wheezing/bronchitis type stuff. She jumped in that her mom's trying to stop that "she's (Daisy)trying to make her". We told her that wasn't her job. Her mom had to be responsible for her own actions. We kind of talked about that victim mentality that Thistle has that Daisy has begun to pick up. As in, it's hard to be an innocent victim of bronchitis when you have a 1.5 pack a day cigarette habit (this is documented from her in a pulmonologist interview...for some reason she actually told Daisy's doctor that she smoked 1.5 packs a day. Which, the way she lies, probably means it's more like two packs a day). Daisy has begun to act like everything in life just "happens to her" and isn't her fault. Or any bad grade is because of the teacher or she pushed someone down because they did X. In other words, it's never her fault or there's always a justification for it.

Dandelion also told her that she's not fooling people anymore. That when she runs into church with a big smile and the first thing she does is run up to Mia's mom and give her a big hug, but she's bullied Mia all week at school that she's not fooling people, that it just makes her look sneaky. He told her it was WORSE that she was well-behaved (or at least better-behaved) when adults were around, but got nasty when she was unsupervised because that proved she knew the right way to act and that she just chose when to do it. I'm glad he called her out on this stuff. Thistle is a chronic liar and I firmly believe it's because NO ONE ever calls her out on it. On the rare occassion that there is interaction my husband has called her out on lies before and she refuses to hear it...as in if he makes a valid point, etc she will literally hang up the phone on her. If we continued to ignore Daisy doing this sort of thing then we felt like we were doing her a disservice.

We don't really know what we're going to do. There was really no outcome of our big conversation with Daisy, but we plan to be in contact with the teacher and go from there.

I'm so disgusted with her.....

Stressed and Anxious....

2011-10-21T19:24:00.001-07:00

Sorry for my absence...again!

I go back to work a week from this coming Monday. My husband is currently working 6 twelve hour shifts per week, lots of midnights. Meaning that even on his "day off" he still has to recover (aka sleep) from the night before's midnight shift. This is ok while I'm at home because I can see him for a bit before he heads back into work. When I go back to work, I will literally see him for 15 minutes in the morning....that's it. That does not a family make!!

Yes, we are blessed and I'm grateful in this economy that he has a good job. But I am so overwhelmed thinking about going back to work when he's working like this.....and to top it all off Thistle is flaking more and more. This should be her weekend, but she's "sick" again. After conveniently "planning" a fun filled weekend of swimming, etc with Daisy just LAST NIGHT, by this morning she was ill and couldn't pick her up and "may not be able to tomorrow (saturday) either, but will call and let Daisy know." She doesn't even have the courtesy to tell us anymore...Daisy just gives us the message. And I want to say (aka scream) "YOU WERE NEVER GOING SWIMMING WITH YOUR WASTE OF SPACE MOTHER....SHE LET YOU GUYS PLAN THE FUN BECAUSE SHE KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO BAIL AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!" And then Daisy right away expects to be entertained all weekend, by me I guess since my husband will be working. "my mom's not picking me up...so what are we doing this weekend?" And then when I say, "well I have cakes to make tomorrow" she gets all pouty and asks if she can call grandma (my mom) and see if she'll take her shopping. "no, because grandma has something to do tomorrow..." more pouting. I know in her mind it's like "well I was going to go swimming with my mom and now I'm stuck with your lame @ss doing nothing..." while you and I BOTH know that they were never going to do anything of the sort.

We are in contemplation of me quitting my job when/if I can find a part-time one. I have had a job since I was 16 years old and don't think I'm a person that can quit cold turkey, plus these hours my husband is working are hopefully not permanent (though they are for the foreseeable future) so we don't want to count on them forever in terms of $$. Then hopefully if I find something part time I will have time to build up my cake business and bring in income that way too!

I just want to be the best mommy to our little man and a good stepmom and I don't see how that's possible with me trying to juggle a 40 hour work week as (basically) a single mom along with house work, laundry, dinner, homework, tumbling, cross country (they continue practice even after the season is over for conditioning). I understand we have to be financially responsible, but doesn't family have to come first at some point? I mean, isn't that what really matters? I have a plan. We can currently make it on my hubby's salary so I"m going back to work hoping to bank everything I make and while we're doing that we want to re-fi our home. Rates have dropped almost two points in the two years we've lived here so I know we can shave our payment down quite a bit. Additionally my husband's truck will be paid off this late winter/early spring so in my head I have some short-term financial goals that I think we can meet to put us in a better position to really do this the right way...I hope.

But in the meantime, I'm stressed and anxious and hoping not to lose my mind!!

Ahhhh! Grrrrr!!!

2011-09-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

The school counselor cancelled the appointment for yesterday and re-scheduled for today. We just got back. She is the same as the other counselors...can't see Daisy without BOTH parents permission.........SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating!! She suggested we go the court route, which we've already tried.

So, we're renewing our effort to get counseling allowed through the court system and by-pass Daisy's mom altogether on it! How can it be SO easy for someone to sabotage counseling? We're here scrambling our butts off to get it done and all she has to do is say one word..."no." and she gets her way...

Well it was as we thought, unfortunately...

2011-09-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

We had a heart to heart with Daisy at the end of last week. We sat her down, told her what we'd been told about her saying "what are you gonna do, tell on me?" to Mia. She flat out denied having EVER said that. Sadly, we were hesitant to believe her. She has lied to us about her behavior before. We told her we weren't sure whether she was telling the truth or not, but that we had personally witnessed her nasty attitude at the track meet that week and she admitted yelling at the other kids when they cheered her on at practice. So, whether that one incident happened or not, there was still a problem. We removed the television from her room. At the beginning of the school year Dandelion told her if there were any behavior issues 1.) her television would be removed (unfortunately she's super attached to the television) and that upon a second complaint tumbling would be gone. So, even though we're beginning to realize we can't punish this issue away, we didn't want to NOT follow through on the consequences we had laid out or we were afraid we would lose some credibility with her.

I decided during our talk I was tired of beating around the bush. I said "Daisy, we don't know what is causing the issues that are going on....we know you have a new baby brother are there any issues there? We know your mom told you you wouldn't be loved here anymore when he was born?" She very calmly (and actually pretty maturely) said there had been a couple times she had felt jealous, but overall things were fine with her brother and she loved him alot. We reiterated that we still cared about her and nothing had changed in that regard. We told her it was normal to have some feelings like that when you'd been an only child for ten years. That babies and big kids require different attention. I joked that I was pretty sure she didn't want me giving her a bath or changing her diaper, but that we made sure she got help with her homework, got to tumbling when she needed, and have gone to every track meet. We just wanted to reiterate that both kids were getting attention it's just that with their big difference in ages the attention they receive is very different. She acknowledged she understood that and seemed genuinely fine and well-adjusted about our new addition. So then I went for the next potential issue....

I said "Daisy, we've noticed lately that you're not hearing from your mom, that she's not returning your c..." And I was cut off my IMMEDIATE sobbing...immediate! I finished, "she's not returning your calls and she hasn't made it to your track meets. Is there an issue going on or something? Is something bothering you?" The basically insta-sobbing let me know I'd hit a nerve with this issue. She continued sobbing (we're talking can't catch her breath sobbing) and saying "my mom is SOOO sick and she's going through a rough time and doesn't have any money. She needs special surgery to get better that she can only get in Georgia (fyi, we live nowhere near Georgia)and it's really expensive so she's trying to save her money, but everytime she gets a job she's SOOOO sick that she misses work and then they fire her so she can't save any money..." Continued sobbing. We didn't quite know what to say here.

The issues with all of this are NUMEROUS. First being...WHY does Daisy know all of this? This woman is sick for laying all of her problems on her ten year old child. Secondly, we're pretty sure her mother is either not sick at all or minimally ill and, in her usual drama queen fashion, is pretending she's on her deathbed and using it as an excuse to not work. The "condition" at issue is endometriosis...seriously. I'm not saying this couldn't be a painful thing, but I've known PLENTY of people with it, including Dandelion's sister, and it's FAR from debilitating and life-altering from what I've witnessed. And the idea that she has to go across the country for special "treatment"? Come on.......this is not some rare disease. I know there are different options for treatment, but if it's honestly SO terrible (I'm SURE it isn't) she could handle it once and for all with a hysterectomy. But then what would she have to complain about?

And what were we supposed to say to Daisy? She FULLY believes EVERYTHING her mom has told her. We can't very well sit there and say "Daisy, your mom is fine and she's lying to you and giving you excuses for not participating in your life." Daisy has NO idea that there's even a possibility her mom could be lying. So, what we did tell her is that her aunt (Dandelion's sister) had the same thing, went to work like normal on Thursday, had a procedure done on Friday LOCALLY in our area, and was back to work on Monday....and she's fine. We DID NOT tell her her mom was lying, but we pointed out that other people have this, and gave her an example she could relate to with her aunt, and told her how different it was. Our thought is we still don't want to badmouth her mom, but we can show her contrasts and hope SOMEDAY she'll make her own decision. We told her we were sorry her mom was having a rough time, but that Daisy shouldn't be burdened with all of those problems. Daisy again cried and said she feels like she's the only person that cares about her mom and the only person her mom has to talk to. We told her we were sorry that no kid should have to be their parents' confidant and take on all their problems. She acknowledged she's been told not to tell us a single thing about what her mom tells her and she has to keep a lot of secrets. We told her we wouldn't do anything with the information she's giving us, but that she's GOT to talk to somebody about it because she's holding it all in and it's eating her up inside and it wasn't right of her mom to ask her to do that. We told her she could talk to us anytime and we'd always listen. We also told her she could be concerned about her mom but that she's got to find a way (obviously it'll be hard for her to do alone, we're hopeful the counselor will help)to not make her mom's problems her problems and try to realize that she (Daisy) actually has a really good life!

This whole situation makes me sick. It's OBVIOUS this is the issue that is eating at Daisy. Luckily, the day after this talk the school counselor called back and we have an appointment with her (just Dandelion and I first) tomorrow. I'm nervous though because, if I weren't living this situation, I wouldn't believe it was so bad either. How do we convey the issues at hand without just sounding like white trashy people bashing the ex-wife? I guess we'll just tell the bare minimum and let her draw her on conclusions after she talks with Daisy.

This woman is SICK and is abusing her child. I walked with Mia's mom the next morning and she said she forgot to tell me that Daisy regularly at school talks about how she's petrified that her mom is going to die. Now seriously?! I'm sure Thistle has conveniently let Daisy believe one can possibly die from endometriosis. And then Daisy goes on and on to Mia about how if her mom dies then she'll be "stuck with Dad and Tulip (thanks so much for that slap in the face) forever!!" Now, does that sound like something she's come up with on her own or something that's been put in her head....I'll go with the latter.

Additionally, during our conversation with Daisy we mentioned that we'd "heard" she was going to get to "choose" who she lived with when she turned 12. She confirmed that her mom told her the only reason she lives with us is because we're "mean and took her away from her mom and because we 'have money'" Please, have jobs is more like it!! We explained that while we had never wanted to burden her with all the adult details, there were reasons contrary to what her mom told her that she lived with us. Since her mom had already inappropriately talked to her about all this we decided to give her some facts...we told her that dad had reasons he wanted Daisy to live with him and mom had reasons she wanted Daisy to live with her so they went before a man (judge), told him those reasons, and he decided that she lived with her dad. Dad did not "steal" her from her mom. We told her that it's not healthy for kids to move all the time and change schools and always live with different guys. We reminded her that when she was with her mom more she missed a lot of school and was always tardy and that now she had perfect attendance and no tardies for over two years. We told her that THESE are the reasons she lived with us...because it was more stable for her, not because of our "evil-ness". She just quietly nodded.

Can you imagine dealing with all of this as a kid? It makes me so sick and disgusted. Thistle is really, really sick alright, but not in the way she's claiming...she's sick in the head!!!!!! We'll see how our school counselor appointment goes. I'm a little nervous that the counselor won't be able to see through and will buy into all of Daisy's/Mom's stuff about how we're awful, etc. She probably won't, but there's always that possibility.

Oh yeah, and Daisy's mom DID flake out on the track meet. She told Daisy that she couldn't take her because she had to work at her mom's restaurant (Daisy's grandma works at a restaurant) Saturday, that she'd pick Daisy up at three that afternoon after she got off work and after the track meet. Hm, so you're well enough to work now? Oh and the other thing...the restaurant she was working at? Yeah, it didn't even open until 4 that day...I called. And she picked Daisy up at 3 after supposedly "working" there, so it was all a bs way to get out of being a responsible parent YET AGAIN! Of course we didn't tell Daisy her mom was lying AGAIN! It's so hard to know when she's being lied to and just to say nothing...I feel like we're helping her lie, but i know it's not our place either. So, Dandelion was working midnights all weekend so I had Daisy on my own Friday night and I took her to her track meet on Saturday. I had my parents watch the baby Friday night and we had a girls' night and I took her Fall clothes shopping. She was REALLY happy the whole time and in a great mood and really positive towards me. I know that can change on a dime, but hopefully it got through to her that she's got people that care about her.

Oh and one other thing...after our big talk and her sobbing about her mom last week I got up to go put laundry away, but before I walked out I gave her a big hug and told her that BOTH of us (her dad AND I) were here for her no matter WHAT she'd been told. The poor kid started sobbing again and squeezed me so tightly......I can't even fathom what is going on in her young mind......

sigh.........

2011-09-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

I walk with Mia's mom every morning. They have a baby boy too....that's why I see her so often, to preface this. She said she had something she wanted to talk to me about (sigh...) this morning. She said yesterday Mia was hanging out with a different girl in their class. That Daisy randomly threw a football full force at the other girl's back. Upon seeing this Mia said "Daisy...what are you doing?" and with an ugly look and vicious tone Daisy responded..."what are you gonna do? Tell your mom so I get in trouble?!" Mia's mom said that she has said things like this to Mia before. She also informed me that she hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship (it won't...at least on my end) but that Mia and their family had made the collective decision that Mia would no longer be doing anything with Daisy. She would be cordial when she sees her, of course, but she wouldn't be hanging out with her, playing with her at school, etc.

My husband is off work today so I told him about this when I got home. We then made a call to the school counselor (who we found out is only there Mon, Wed, and Fri). We left a message and are hoping to meet with her as soon as possible. We had been hesitant to do school counseling because we didn't want Daisy to be "that kid" that got pulled out of class for counseling, but it's becoming VERY apparent that she's already "that kid" just in a different way, so we need to do something here.

To answer a commenter's question. We have custody of Daisy. However, we have sadly figured out that the high quality counselors in our area won't see Daisy without BOTH of her parents on board. They say that 1.) it won't be as effective without both on board and 2.) the counselor can be sued by the other parent (we live in a HIGHLY litigous (think LOTS Of trial lawyers) area) if that parent doesn't want them to be seeing their child. They don't want that liability and i don't blame them. Especially knowing Thistle. She's exactly the type to do just that. So the counselors will only see if they have paperwork signed by BOTH Daisy's parents giving consent OR an order signed by the judge to see Daisy....which has been nearly impossible to get because Thistle either doesn't show up for court or pitches a fit about counseling every time. And the court system moves at the speed of molasses.

Someone else asked where this increased issue with Daisy is coming from, and of course, I have no definitive answer. Yes, we've added a baby to our family. Outwardly, she shows no signs of jealousy. However, she is watching this baby get to live in a house where a loving mom and dad live TOGETHER. And Daisy doesn't have that. Yes, I live here. But due to the successfull manipulation tactics of her mother, she does NOT view me as a parent to her....even though that's exactly what I am. Secondly, her mother has been REALLY absent lately. Now, in theory this sounds like a good thing. And it is, for us. But Daisy doesn't deal with it well. The beginning of track season we sent her a letter with all the dates of the meets. She's not made a single one and (if you read back in some posts)she even flaked out on taking her to the one that was on HER weekend...we ended up taking her (and keeping her all weekend) instead, meaning she went a full month without seeing her mom. This coming weekend is another mom weekend with a track meet. Mom won't give us a definitive answer, but (shocker) is already laying the groundwork for flaking out again. Daisy asked her if she could take to her track meet over an hour away Saturday morning. Thistle's answer was "what time?" Well, we didn't know the exact time they'd have to meet at the school yet (coach just gave us that info last night) so Daisy said she wasn't sure, but that last time we had a meet in this SAME town we had to meet at school at 8 am. Well, Thistle said she couldn't give her an answer on whether she could take her until she knew for sure what time. Hm, I could be wrong, but Daisy gave her as much possible info as she could and she still hedged...sounds to me like the building blocks for another flake out by mom. Not only does she not attend these meets, but she doesn't call afterwards or ask how they were. Actually, she's not calling at all. And lots of times when Daisy calls her mom she doesn't answer and doesn't call back. I don't know what's going on and while I'd love for her mom to be gone from her life for good, at least this transition into that situation...Daisy isn't handling it well.

So, I don't know what the issue is, but my guess is a combo of new baby brother and mom being EXTRA absent lately. I mean, she's always manipulative to her, etc, but she used to be over the top in contacting Daisy...and she's just done a complete 180 and doesn't seem to care at all. When I try to put my amateur psychologist hat on I wonder if it isn't two-fold...just at the time when her mom is failing her more and more and she feels abandoned (or I'm assuming she probably does) by her own mom, she's watching me being a good mother to the baby and her dad and I raising him together and the two issues are compounding on one another. Don't know if it's true and could be the furthest thing from the truth, but in my mind, it makes sense.

Hopefully the school counselor will call back tomorrow and we can go from there........

Yes, I've been absent....

2011-09-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my absence! I go back to work in another month and then will be more regular in my blogging again.

So, Daisy's cross country season is well underway...actually, it's almost over. She has really excelled at it and runs with the top runners...we're glad to see her have something to be good at! However, her attitude has downright SUCKED!! We picked her up from practice one night and the coach pulled Dandelion aside to complain about Daisy's attitude and tell him that if it continued, even though she was one of the best runners, she would not be allowed to run with the team any longer. We. Were. Livid. And not witht he coach...we're not those kind of parents...we were mad at Daisy. The coach said that anytime she'd offer advice to Daisy she'd get all dramatic (shocker) and say how she was "no good at this!!" and "can't do it" and on and on. The team has a great way of cheering one another on...apparently some of Daisy's peer were cheering her on one day at practice and she SCREAMED at them "SHUT UP!!!!!" "STOP IT!" "QUIT BEING RETARDED!!" Among other lovely gems. We had a talk about how that was unacceptable, etc. I talked to Mia's mom (my friend and Daisy's friends' mom) and she said that Mia does complain that one minute Daisy is nice as can be and the next minute she's screaming and yelling and that the kids have just begun to avoid her because they don't want to deal with her behavior. This SCARES the crap out of me....this is exactly how Thistle behaves. Is this just a learned behavior? Or is this a sign of a serious mental issue? I firmly believe there is some sort of mental issue with Thistle and I know these things can be hereditary. Has Daisy just learned this stuff from watching her mom? Or could there be some sort of imbalance?

Last night we actually witnessed some of it. We were at a cross country meet and everyone, including Daisy, had just got done running. Everyone was tired, they all ran the same distance. All of us parents make a habit of telling the other kids "good job", etc. One of the mom's specifically said "good job, Daisy! You really improved your time this week!" To which Daisy just sat there with an ugly scowl on her face acting like no one had spoken to her. I was mortified!! I said, in front of everyone "Daisy, Mrs. X is speaking to you...." and she STILL just sat there and glared at me and said nothing. That was the most outwardly defiant I'd EVER seen her be. Then her teammates were telling her good job, asking about her time, etc and same thing....pouting and glaring with no response. So again, I said (Dandelion had to leave early for a midnight shift at work) "Daisy, what is the issue? Why are you not speaking to anyone and being rude?" "I'm tired". So I said, "well everyone else ran the same race and they're tired too, but yet they're not being rude and disrespectful to everyone!"

We hear this is not just at cross country but it's how she's behaving at school too. And, as an aside...Mia's mom is not "tattling" to me...she's my good friend and knows how crappy Daisy's mom has been and how hard we're TRYING to provide Daisy with a good life. She has really been a godsend lending us some insight into how Daisy is with other kids that we wouldn't have had otherwise! I hear and see the other girls staying over at each other's houses, talking on the phone constantly, etc, etc. It NEVER happens here. Our phone never rings, I can count on one hand the number of times she's been invited somewhere since I've been in her life (and that's going on 5 years now). I don't know what to do anymore! I know that kids with no friends will eventually find friends and they won't be the good ones...that's how drugs, etc get started.

We have also never broached the topic with Daisy that we are realizing she gets invited nowhere and no one calls, etc. Should we? Since we're seeing this awful attitude should we just bluntly say (we haven't before because we didn't want to hurt her feelings) "Daisy, have you noticed that other girls are hanging out together and doing things and you're never included? Do you think it could be a direct result of how you're treating others?" Or would this be a bad thing to do? And then the saddest/most pathetic part. She seems oblivious. She claims Mia is her "best friend", etc, etc. Yet, she's only been invited to Mia's house once (over a year ago) and never been invited back. Mia's mom has told me that Mia has begun avoiding Daisy to eliminate the dramatics and not have to deal with her moody behavior and that sometimes she'll say "Daisy just followed me around all day". I've seen her do this stuff (at church events, etc) it's like she's not part of the group, doesn't know how to interact so she'll just be needy and clingy or hateful. Those are her two modes of operation. And the other girls are nice to her, but they interact as little as possible...I can watch it happen...and that's when we're right there! What's it like when we're not?

I'm so frustrated, so at a loss and getting hopeless. We still can't get counseling approved through the court (mom won't agree to it...it ticks me off that just her saying "no" to counseling can eliminate it completely from the picture...that's too much control!)so for right now we have to deal with this on our own and we've grounded, we've lectured over and over....what's left? I don't want her to be the kid with no friends, etc, but she refuses to change her ways and that's exactly what's happening! Sigh......

A day later...

2011-08-30T18:43:00.001-07:00

So, obviously yesterday was a venting post. I had JUST gotten home from the school open house when I typed the post. Do I REALLY intend to go on strike? No, of course not. Do you know any mom who hasn't thought about doing that very thing? I don't! Was I venting....you bet. Which I think I have a right to do with all the crap we put up with on a daily basis. Regular parenting is hard enough and everyone has their special challenges to deal with and I get that. So add regular parenting of a pre-teen to our unique situation and sometimes, it really does suck and I really do wish I could just give up on the whole thing...quit trying. Just like on a rough day at work I might wish for a different job. Or on a cake project that just isn't going my way I might wish to just throw the whole thing in the trash and be done. It's human nature!

So, did the poster suck and was it pretty inconsiderate/ungrateful? In my opinion (when coupled with how Daisy treats me on a regular basis), yes! But it is what it is and I should be used to it by now.

To answer your question....no, there is nothing in our paperwork that states after X amount of time Thistle forfeits her time with Daisy. We intend to talk to our lawyer about this because it does seem generally unfair that we should have to be in limbo for an entire weekend waiting for her to decide if she wants to see her child or not. We'll see what happens!

Sometimes stepparenting bites..........

2011-08-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

So...this post deals with two things, I guess. Daisy's cross country season began with a meet this past Saturday morning. It was over an hour away so the students had to be at the school bright and early (8 am) Saturday morning to caravan to the meet. It was Daisy's weekend with her mom. We had told Daisy over and over that if her mom couldn't take her we would just HOPING that she wouldn't miss the meet altogether (a distinct possibility when Thistle is involved). It was also the weekend of our wedding anniversary. We had reservations for Saturday night and had planned for Dandelion, myself, and Sweet Pea to go out to eat at our favorite restaurant...it's a once-a-year anniversary restaurant. We were so pumped to go and glad to take the little guy because he's at the age (obviously) where he just sleeps and wouldn't disrupt our date, but we could stare at him and talk about how cute he was through dinner :) (hey give us a break...we're new parents ;)

Friday night right before Thistle was supposed to pick up Daisy, Dandelion got a text that Thistle was "very, very sick" and Daisy shouldn't be around her so she wouldn't be able to pick her up at least for Friday night. We assumed this was just a ploy to get out of having to deal with the early (for Thistle) drop off time at the school. We said fine, were glad that she'd at least be going to her meet, and assumed Thistle would miraculously be "better" after the meet was over. Daisy was disappointed when Dandelion told her she wouldn't be going to her mom's. She tried to call her mom that evening (Friday) but her mom didn't answer and didn't return the call.

We took Daisy to her meet where she did wonderfully and finished the three mile race ahead of her classmates! We had Daisy start calling her mom basically immediately after the race to try to figure out what was going on for the rest of the weekend. We didn't tell Daisy this but it was already early afternoon (1:30 ish) and we had reservations for our anniversary an hour away for 5 pm so we were anxious to know the plan. Her mom didn't answer and never called, and never called. We were unsure what to do. We could have asked Dandelion's parents to keep Daisy, but we assumed her mom would call after she recovered from whatever she really did the night before and then throw a humongous fit (we're talking calling the cops kind of fit) if her kid wasn't available to her. Not to mention that we didn't want to get a sitter for the baby and didn't feel right "ditching" Daisy and taking "our" baby with us on our date. So we waited. At 4:15....after it was too late to leave for our reservation anyway.......Thistle called and told Daisy she was far, far too sick to see her this weekend at all. So, not only did we not get to have our date and I got to do the stepmother sacrifice YET AGAIN, but then we also got stuck with Daisy for the evening...or let me clarify.....stuck with a pissy Daisy who was bummed that she wasn't going to see her mom (and now it will be a full month from the last time she saw her mom to the next time). But was she mad at her mom? Oh no, she felt bad for her because she was so "sick"...pardon me while I vomit in my mouth. Oh joy...needless to say, I pouted a little, I'm not going to lie. I don't get much alone time with my hubby and was SO looking forward to our date. Especially since he starts shift work soon and will (starting this coming weekend) be working every weekend we don't have Daisy with us. So, this was our last "alone" weekend basically forever...this will be his permanent shift.

Fast forward to this evening. It was the annual open house at Daisy's school. Of course we took her, like always. We also took my clarinet from when I was in band. You see, Daisy is old enough for band this year and told us she wanted to play the clarinet. Woo hoo since we already had one. And I was going to let her use mine. I had made arrangements to get it all re-padded, cleaned, etc. We got to her classroom and the kids were supposed to show their parents their biography posters. So we went to look at Daisy's. And there it was. Her family was listed. Mom (with Thistle's name in parentheses so there was no question who she was referring to), Dad,.........and the baby IIIIII just gave birth to and little drawings of her "family". That was it.

Are you freaking kidding me?!?! You don't want to list me? fine. But to lump MY baby in with your little imaginary family that you don't even remember ever existing because it barely ever did? Do you think that baby would be here without me?!?! DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about ready to just go on strike of doing anything for her for like 2 weeks and then see if she notices how different her life would be. I wake up to an alarm while on maternity leave at 6:45 am so I can take her to school EVERY day...even if I've been up all night with the baby. I do her laundry. I buy her bras. I take her to buy track shoes. the list goes on and on and on. All while her mother sleeps, does drugs and is a general whore. sometimes (alot of times) stepparenting generally blows!!!!!

same old story!!

2011-08-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm currently typing this one-handed with a little man sleeping on my shoulder...so please forgive me for typos!

We're still doing well here....little guy is quite the squirmer, but he's a generally laid back and happy boy! our families are completely in love with him which is awesome to watch.

It appears that mommy dearest has a new man. This guy is from my hometown and WOW! A new low! He and his family have a very less than desirable reputation. I can't even explain the caliber. before, she would always find guys on the edge. guys that looked decent and she could try to dress up with new clothes, etc. this one isn't like that. Daisy came back yesterday having spent all weekend with this guy, presumably in his house, and she downright stunk. Like stale smoke and just plain dirtyness. we felt bad for her, she's old enough to realize that's gross and obviously if she smelled that means his house smells too! she was obviously told to lie to us because this guy dropped her off and when dandelion asked who dropped her off at our house she claimed she didn't know his name. dandelion called her on the fact that it was pretty suspect that she'd spent all weekend with him and didn;t even know his name. he then said he assumed she'd been told to lie and not tell us which she confirmed by looking at the ground and mumbling his name. Pathetic.

I'm also really disturbed by thistle trotting all these losers to our house. like i said, this guy is a new low and we live in the country with few houses around. I'm scared one of these losers is going to see us as a perfect break-in target. especially since thistle likes to spin the story that we're "rich" (because we have jobs) and she's the poor put-upon victim. we're looking into a security system....not kidding.

Daisy also asked when she got home "mommy wants to know if I can start spending more time with her?" Of course....she's trying to play "family" with a new guy (and his two kids) and that doesn't work out well when you don't have your child. Also, this is the first time she's been on the man-prowl and gotten to this stage (the insta-family stage)and NOT had custody of Daisy. Dandelion told Daisy that, first of all, he DOES NOT deal with Daisy on issues like that and if her mom had a question about something it was her mom's job to ask. Secondly, he told her that school is getting ready to start and while he's willing to be a little more lenient in the summer (we allowed for a couple early pickups on Fridays, etc) he's not going to budge on the school year because attendance, tardiness, homework, etc are ALL an issue when her mom's involved with school in any way (he didn't tell Daisy these details...just that school was getting ready to start). She currently has her every other friday night through sunday night so any more time would infringe on school. We're not willing to compromise on that...at all. Dandelion's plan if Thistle brings it up is to tell her to talk to the judge....he's not going to argue with her about it. We have custody and she's in NO position with the judge (owes us money, has moved, yet again, (probably staying with this guy) is still MARRIED to Poison Oak, etc, etc.) to be asking for anything and she knows it. It's probably just a ploy to make us look unreasonable to Daisy anyway. Thistle is back in this area...she lost custody when she lived far away with Poison Oak...so, in Daisy's mind she probably thinks "mom lives here now I should be able to be with mom". She doesn't realize that the distance was just one factor...her mom's unstable life was the bigger issue. I hope we don't get to the point here where we have to tell her WHY it is that we have custody...but who knows!

Geez...it really NEVER ends with this woman. I know I sound like a broken record, but when, when, when will Daisy see through it? When will she quit getting excited to go on yet another "trip" (one was promised this weekend and didn't happen) with another new "daddy". It's so disgusting to watch this all unfold..........again!

Hello, again!

2011-08-10T06:08:00.001-07:00

Sorry for my absence! Blogging opportunities have been few and far between with the new little man in the house, as you can imagine. Yesterday when my hubby got home from work I was really thirsty and then realized...I couldn't remember having drank anything all day. I ate, but did I drink something? Yes...that is how my days are right now....and I love it :)

Our little man, so far, is a very even keel and laid back baby. He wakes 3 (but only two last night...fingers crossed that continues) times a night to eat, but goes right back to sleep. He is content to be held or lay in his little boppy pillow. He loves car rides!

Everyone is adjusting well to little guy's arrival. Daisy is clearly smitten with him and has not shown any/much jealousy towards him. She was a bit clingy to her dad when she'd come visit in the hospital, but he was staying there with me and she was staying with her grandparents, so that is to be expected! If anything, she's clingy to the baby. I find this annoying at times, but I keep it to myself. I know it is an adjustment period for her and that, eventually, his "newness" will wear off and she'll be over it! For instance, if I'm holding him on the couch I have, more than once, turned to unknowingly find her hovering over my shoulder standing directly behind the couch....talk about startled!! She also feels she must be present for EVERY diaper change, clothes change, etc. Dandelion was off the first week we were home so he was here. This week, I'm on my own. My in-laws have actually been wonderful in that they've come and got her several times to just get her out and about. Although I don't think she'd mind, Dandelion and I didn't think she needed to just do nothing but sit in the house day in and day out. So they've taken her on errands with them, etc. She's been hesitant to leave with them at those times, but I think it's good for her. She's always been the "i don't want to miss anything" type, but seriously, she's not going to miss anything with a two week old and it'll do her good to get out of the house a few times a week.

School starts next week so she'll have a routine again and that will be good! They've started a new track team for her age at school and she wants to participate. I'm skeptical. First of all, hard work is typically not her thing and I don't think she realizes we're talking practice everyday and a real committment here. She's never been involved with anything like it. We also have a rule in our house you have to finish what you start. She doesn't have to participate next year if she doesn't like it this year. But if she starts it this year she has to finish the season. Secondly, this will be the first time she's in a school-sponsored sport where the parents aren't the ones getting the first-hand info from the coaches, the students are. SCARY!! She can't remember to tell us the simplest details about things, let alone practice times or details on when buses are leaving, etc. My husband says she's got to learn sometime and I know he's right....I'm just nervous about it. And, the final issue...most meets are on Saturdays. Oh joy. This means we'll have to deal with her mother on this. She'll probably talk Daisy out of going to the meets on days when she doesn't want to take her. We've told Daisy that even on her mother's weekends if she needs to go to a meet and her mom can't take her she should let us know and we'll get her there, but that we'll need a little notice. We can totally see a 6 a.m. phone call for a 7 a.m. bus leaving time with a panicked "mom can't take me you have to!!!!" and then WE'RE the bad guys if we can't get there in the allotted time! Even something little like her track shoes is an issue. I'm taking her to buy the track shoes she needs tomorrow. They will HAVE to go back and forth between our house and mom's. So we just told her we were buying ONE pair of shoes for this. If they didn't come back from her mom's she wasn't getting another pair. I also know how irresponsible both Daisy AND her mother are so I envision her coming back on a Sunday and "oh no, I forgot my shoes at mom's and I have practice tomorrow!!!!!!!" And then who's supposed to drive her the 40 minute round trip to pick them up? You guessed it!

I'm just totally skeptical about the whole thing, but if it goes well I know that it could be really good for Daisy...let's just hope it goes well!

All in all, things are going well in our household and everyone is adjusting. My husband is not an overly "mushy" guy and I have watched him completely melt over this baby boy. He kisses his cheeks incessantly, is excellent at pitching in and "getting his hands dirty" so to speak, all but runs to see him when he gets home from work, and he's thanked me profusely for both our little boy himself and for "being a good mommy to him". I get the idea this time in our little guy's life has brought back memories of when Daisy was born and that (other than the obvious joy of a new baby and his love for Daisy herself) was not a good time in his life and Thistle laid most of the responsibilities at my husband's feet while she went out on the town...hence the divorce when they had a one year old.

The one non-adjuster to this situation? My little dog, Lilac. HOLY. COW. She is fine for everyone, but me. She is SO, SO angry with me it's ridiculous. She steals items one after another when we are alone together. My phone, the remote, a diaper (ew), a book, etc, etc and shreds what she can under our dining room table. Yesterday when I tried to get it from her...she tried to bite me. TOTALLY out of character for her!! I was at a loss as to what to do so she's been spending her days outside for now until Dandelion gets home from work. She has shown interest in the baby and has been actually great towards him and really concerned/nervous when he cries, etc...that part is cute. Her behavior towards me? Not so much. I think now that the heat has broken (finally) when dandelion gets home I'll start taking her for walks on my own, etc and see if that helps out any because we can't continue with this little four-legged tyrant the way she is!!

Ecstatic to Report....

2011-08-01T11:27:00.001-07:00

That I'm a mommy!!!!! Our little man was born mid week last week and he couldn't be more perfect and I couldn't be more in love with him. I went into labor at work, not even realizing it at first because I'd been having contractions for weeks and just thought it was more of the same. I described to my mom what was going on and she encouraged me to call labor & deliver...I did, they told me to come in, and the rest is history :)

It was a VERY quick labor...I was already at a 5-6 when I got there and THANK GOD I avoided my water breaking at work...the nurse told me it was ready to go at any second...as in they talked about having me walk down the hall and back at the hospital thinking that simple act would break it. In the end the doctor just decided to break it himself about a half hour after I got there. Weirdest feeling ever!!! Contractions came fast and strong after that and I was to a 10 within 3 hours.

I kind of feel like I experienced a part of BOTH kinds of birth. I got fully dilated...effaced...he was in the birth canal (as evidenced by his very cone-ish head when he came out)...I pushed for a couple hours even. But, alas, that wasn't meant to be! He was stuck and stubborn. I ended up having a c-section, which was not what I wanted, but it was what was best for him and, honestly, it was nowhere NEAR as bad during or in recovery as I thought it would be.

Our little man is gorgeous and just under 8 pounds...YIKES!!! He was two weeks early!! I'm feeling great and we've been home for a couple nights. He's sleeping ok in the beginning of the nights but currently thinks about 2 am on is party time....we'll get through it!

I am seriously on cloud 9, never been happier in my life and I feel SO much closer to and thankful for my wonderful husband through all of this. Now, if you'll excuse me, my little man and I are going to take a nap :)

Not much...

2011-07-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Not much to report here. Daisy has been gone on her trip with my in-laws for over a week now. They actually extended the trip by a few days.

I am still pregnant....I'm a little over two weeks from my due date, but as of last week was dilated to a 3 and the doctor indicated I would go early. I had two hours worth of contractions Friday night that were steady, but never got close enough to go to the hospital and then they stopped altogether. I was CONVINCED I would have this baby over the weekend and, clearly, that didn't happen. So, now I have resigned myself to the fact that it could be the full two weeks and I wish the doctor would NOT have said anything about "early". It has been BRUTALLY hot here as it has in lots of the U.S. so I've just been staying inside for the most part. I went on two different trips to the mall (where I bought little (one trip) and nothing (the next) this weekend just to have a cool place to try to walk some. A.) I feel better when I'm up walking around than when I'm sitting and B.) I thought it might get some contractions going, which it did, but still no baby...he'll come when he's ready!!

Same date, new guy....

2011-07-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

Back on June 17th and June 20th I posted about this originally if you'd like to go back and read a re-cap. Supposedly at that time Thistle was taking Daisy on a "date" to a waterpark with a new man and his kid. In short, Thistle hyped it up to Daisy, the guy never showed and the date didn't happen. Cue this weekend....

As we often do on Thursday evenings we interestedly asked "so, what are you and your mom doing this weekend?" Cue some serious Deja vu. "We're going to a waterpark (all excited)." "oh, like you were supposed to do a few weeks back? That's nice, is it the same guy that's supposed to go along?" "No, it's a friend of mom's I've never met and his two kids...a two year old girl and an 11 year old boy."

Wow...so now she just has one type of date and just inserts different guys into it? Not to mention that (and I KNOW I sound like a broken record) but HOW does Daisy still get excited about this crap. I mean this EXACT scenario was promised to her a few weeks back and didn't occur. Blind loyalty, I guess.

They are going north of us an hour away...that tells me guy isn't from right around here (maybe I hope it does work out so she moves away again!!!!)and they're probably meeting him there (there are waterparks much closer to our area if he was from this way). The age differences between his kids (and I know I could be wrong) tells me he probably has at least two significant exes as these kids are probably from two different moms. If it works out for a bit I can't wait to start hearing what "awful moms" these kids have....cause that's Thistle's MO....the kids of guys she dates always supposedly have terrible mothers. Additionally...a two year old. Good lord, poor girl. I know how Daisy acts when she has no supervision and she has no supervision with her mom PLUS is given the idea that she's "in charge"....she'll be torturing/mowing over that two year old in no time!!

I'm sure the waterpark idea is just to put it all on the line early.....first date right off the bat the guy can see Thistle in her teeny bikini and she can try to hook him with her bod and body art! It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. But one thing is certain...these supposed dates so close to one another tells me she's DEFINITELY on the prowl!!

Bound to happen....

2011-07-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

We had a first in our house last night. Daisy was on the phone with one of her girlfriends and apparently the call waiting beeped. She has been instructed to always pick up the call waiting (mostly because if she's on the phone with her mother and it beeps her mom will tell her "not to worry about it, it's not important" and one time we missed a really important call from our realtor as we were attempting to sell the old house at that time). Anyway, she picked up the call waiting and walked out into the living room with the phone. She got a funny look on her face and said "you have the wrong number." and hung up the phone. We then asked her about it and she said "They asked for Thistle?!?!" She was totally perplexed. We hadn't anticipated this ever happening, which is crazy because I try to anticipate pretty much everything ; ) As you know, we get weekly collection calls for Thistle because these collection agencies call any person she was every associated with. So, I didn't respond at all and Dandelion said non-chalantly and not in a mean way at all "I'm sure it was just another bill collector." Daisy didn't ask any questions and I don't think she knows what a "bill collector" is, but I'm sure someday she'll figure it out. I don't know if it was right for Dandelion to have said what he did, but he didn't elaborate at all, said absolutely nothing negative about her mother....simply told Daisy who was on the phone. Maybe things like this that have nothing to do with us (we didn't tell this person to call and for Daisy to answer the phone)will be what eventually makes her see a bit of the truth about her mom?

Who knows!! I'm just bummed a bill collector called and I didn't get my little satisfaction of more than happily giving them her new name, address, and two telephone numbers to reach her : )

A general update....

2011-07-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

So this post is just going to be a hodge podge of updates on various things......

1.) Dandelion's re-scheduled (for the bazillionth time due to Thistle's crap and stall tactics) hearing about unpaid bills by Thistle is supposedly this week. We have about a 0% thought that this will actually happen....so who knows, since we're so confident it won't, maybe it actually will!! I'll update you if it does.

2.) Random texts Friday night. This was our weekend with Daisy, but she had a busy one...Friday night her grandparents invited her to stay the night because (due to her summer camp and them not being her caregivers this summer) they haven't seen her much lately. She was excited to go. I was encouraged for a "normal" granparent/child situation. I already had plans for Friday night to go out for a "last dinner" with my girlfriends before our little guy's arrival (I had a wonderful time by the way....love those ladies)so with Daisy at her grandparents that left Dandelion to fend for himself. He ended up asking one of his buddies who lost his wife to cancer in the last year to go out for a beer and dinner. I'm glad they went and he said the friend seems to be doing as well as can be expected! When he got back into his car after being out he had a barrage of texts from Thistle...oh joy. She was asking (on Friday night, mind you) if she could have Daisy for "a while" on Saturday. What?!?! She knows we don't "trade weekends" and crap like that, it causes nothing but hassles. It was all about how he should do this "for Daisy and her happiness" that they had a "fun event" they were invited to, blah, blah, blah. Which, in reality, probably means she had somewhere to go with whoever her "people of the moment" are and she didn't want them to know she rarely has her kid. These were book-length text messages about how he shouldn't ignore her, blah, blah, blah. Hello?!?! He wasn't around his phone, lady, but that's not in her little mind to be able to comprehend that possibility....she likes instant gratification. Apparently she finally called my in-laws in her stalking attempts and found Daisy and found out that Daisy had been invited to swim at a friend's house and stay the night on Saturday (yay!! You guys know how big this is because (in my mind due to her issues with being nice to others) Daisy rarely, if ever, gets invited anywhere!!) so then her final text to my husband was how she knew Daisy had plans so what she wanted for Saturday wouldn't work, but that since she didn't get "her month" with Daisy like she did last summer (which she never even asked for this year) she was going to need some extra Saturdays with her this summer. Um, hello? First of all, it's mid-July. The kid only has a month left of "summer" so that makes 4 saturdays, two of which are already yours, one of which she'll be on vacation with her grandparents (which Thistle knows) and one of which will be VERY close to her new brother's arrival and she WILL NOT be with her mother that weekend. This is just typical. No planning ahead of time whatsoever because she didn't want to be saddled with her kid while looking for "new people" to spend time with/mooch off of that don't know her and her reputation. But then when she finds said "new people" she wants her kid immediately, regardless of our plans (or as she gets older, Daisy's plans) so she can impress these people and not have them know what a loser she is and how her child's supposed "deadbeat" (in her loudly voiced opinion) dad is actually raising her kid. Pathetic. Her text messages were over the top disgustingly nice "let's do this for Daisy" etc which kind of makes me think she MIGHT be showing up for the hearing this week. Because in her mind she can bitch about him not responding at said hearing (even though that issue isn't on the docket) and one set of "nice" text messages will counteract all the crap she's thrown our way for YEARS now...because the judge is that stupid, you know?

3.) On very sage advice Daisy and I had a "day" on Saturday. I took her to a sibling class at the hospital where I will be delivering. At first I was worried it was a little young for her, but she got to diaper a doll, I taught her how to swaddle him, she learned about things and most imporantly, the teacher stressed with everything she said that "you need to check with your mom and dad" on every instance before they do things with the baby. Glad to have some outside person telling her this because, just through things she's said, we'd had the idea she thought she was going to be able to cart baby around wherever she wanted right off the bat with no supervision. The capper was a tour of the labor/delivery/family area which means she got to see the baby nursery. She was in HEAVEN!! She got to see 5 new babies, one of whom was so new he was still under the warmer lamp. She got to see another getting her little footprint put on the wall (something our hospital does before they discharge you). She also got to see the kind of room her daddy, baby brother and I would be staying in while at the hospital and all of that seemed to put her more at ease with the situation. I explained to her that grandma and grandpa would be bringing her to the hospital to visit once the baby made his arrival (I have made the decision I would prefer her not be there while I'm laboring....I'm just not comfortable with it).

Afterwards we met my mom for lunch and a little shopping. Nothing crazy...Kohl's is starting to put summer stuff on clearance so she got some new t-shirts ($2 a piece...woo hoo...I LOVE BARGAINS!!!), socks, and a couple pairs of shorts and flip flops. All in all with a gift card I had and the sale prices we got a whole big bag full of stuff and I spent $26 out of pocket...LOVE IT!! The day was good and she was well-behaved. Something that disgusted me was I noticed a necklace she was wearing with a big, shiny rhinestone letter "T" on it. It was an initial necklace. I asked her...why does your necklace have a "T" on it (Daisy clearly doesn't start with a T)? But in my gut, I was sickened, but knew the answer. She got her forlorn, somber voice/look on and in a way that would make one think her mother had died a war hero she said it was "for her mom". You know, T for Thistle............OH PLEASE!!! I honestly said nothing. It was just better that way because I could have easily vomited right there in Kohl's. WTF? The kid isn't even allowed to have her own identity now she's supposed to wear her MOM'S initial around her neck? Plus, I'd never seen this necklace before, but when she knows she's going to "have" to spend a day with me she bust out the "mommy memorial" necklace. ugh..........

4.) Yesterday we went back to school supply shopping for Daisy. I know it seems early, but as I said she'll be with her mom for a weekend, is going on a trip with her grandparents, and then we're within days of the little guy's arrival so we thought going early would be the best thing this year. We were armed with our list at the big discount store. We filled the cart with the "required" items and then Daisy wanted these $4 "grippers" for her pencils (that are not required). So I made a deal with her...highlighters were on list and she had picked out fancier ones than necessary. So, I told her she could put back the $3 set of highlighters and get the 64 cent two pack and then get the grippers for her pencils. Or she could keep the "fancy" highlighters and not get the grippers. This put her into full pout and she chose to keep the fancy highlighters and not get the grippers, but the choice WAS hers. She pouted the rest of day even as we continued and purchased a new backpack (also not an absolute necessity), etc.

Dandelion and I had a talk last night about her ungratefulness. Basically she got a weekend of doing exactly what she wanted, spent night with grandparents, went to sibling class (she loved) then shopping for her on Saturday, went to friend's house saturday night, and then went school supply shopping on Sunday...and she pouted over pencil grippers when she could have GOTTEN the dang pencil grippers, she just would have had to give something else up. We are discouraged and unsure of how to correct the situation. It is two-fold, we believe. One, we have a nice life. We both have good jobs, Daisy is able to have nice clothes (even if I buy it for $2 ; ), a nice home, etc. Secondly, her mother has made her think that at all times she is supposed to be "happy" and that anytime we do something in which she is not 100% happy, then we are mean people and she is the poor put upon victim. For example, a few weeks ago we went to Wendy's and she wanted a "baconator" sandwich (with three hamburger patties and assorted other crap). The meal was $7 at a fastfood place (and more expensive than Dandelion's meal!). We said no, but she could have a jr. bacon cheeseburger meal....POUT CITY!!

Not at any time this weekend did she thank us for buying her clothes, school supplies, a cool new backpack etc. Now, I don't expect her to gravel at our feet. And it has nothing to do with me being a step anything. When my mom bought me stuff growing up, I said thank you...I still do! It's common courtesy. She seems to just expect it and she's been taught that anything we do for her we'd "better do". When she was younger she'd magpie her mom and say, in public, embarrassing things about how "daddy is rich", etc. First of all, we are NOT rich...by any means. We simply go to work everyday and have a comfortable life. We are solidly middle class...nowhere near the "upper". But her mom pounded it into her head that "ask you dad, he's rich, he should buy that for you...." Again, I'm not blaming it all on her mom, I'm sure we've helped create the "monster", but how do we fix it?

She gets an allowance for doing chores and there are things we tell her she can buy with "her" money...a new nail polish, souvenirs in Chicago, etc. She doesn't get the $5 box of cereal at the grocery store, I make her pick from the generic brands...we try to make her realize, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. Suggestions?

Chubby little man....

2011-07-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

Well, had a doctor's appointment today. Normally, he wouldn't haven't checked me (for dilating, etc) this week, he would wait to start that until next time, except I told him I'd had a lot of tightening in my abdomen over the last week or so...so he said what the heck, let's check you. And I've started to dilate already! I'm only at a 1, but the doc says he doesn't see me still being pregnant on my due date (which is 5 weeks away)...WOOHOO!!! He said little man is head down and "in position". He also said he thinks our little boy is already about 6 pounds...as I've told you before, I'm a rather petite person...no WONDER I've been really uncomfortable lately!! What a chunky monkey we're going to have on our hands...i LOVE it!!!!!!!! Can't wait to kiss those chubby cheeks!

I promise not to turn this into a baby blog, I'm just excited that there's some "progress" being made on that front!!

Casey Anthony.....

2011-07-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

Just heard the Casey Anthony verdict come in...not guilty. Wow...I'm disgusted. I took an interest in this case and for one reason only, I believe. Because I'm currently raising a child whose "mother" would much rather party, get tattoos, and date than parent her child. Whose mother lies to anyone and everyone around her, is always the victim, pawned her kid off on anyone who would take her etc, etc. To put it bluntly, in everything I read regarding Casey Anthony I saw alot of Thistle there. The difference? Maybe there are a lot of differences, but Caylee had no daddy to balance it all out and pick up the slack....Casey was all she had. It makes me wonder how different Daisy's life would be had my husband not been involved. Now don't get me wrong...I'm not calling Thistle a murderer here, I'm just saying the personality similarities between her and Casey are startling to me.

I hope that poor baby girl rests peacefully....currently I'm more than sickened by the verdict!

I love you, but...

2011-06-30T08:20:00.001-07:00

My sweet baby boy...I love you already with everything I have, but I will pay you pretty much ANY amount of money to get OUT of my ribcage...please!!!!! Mama is downright BEGGING!!!!!!! Sitting is the worst...and I sit all day! Driving is also uncomfortable! My entire ribcage area feels bruised. It hurts to wear a bra, my sides hurt so bad at night I'm no longer sleeping. Now, I know I need to get used to no sleep, but still!! I guess this is what I get for being 8 months pregnant and only 5'3"...not much room for my little man to be comfy so he will MAKE himself comfy :)

Ok, I know I'm truly blessed...whine over!!

The book...

2011-06-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well, the book on the "care and keeping of you" has been a hit so far. Dandelion did not want to give her the choice between her camp and kiddie care...he thought it was too obvious...whatever that means. So, we just sat her down and explained that showering is not optional, that if she wants to be grown up then she needs to act like it and part of that is good hygiene. She was quoting parts of the book to us so I'd say that's successful!! There was a little bit of "graphic-ness" in the book regarding tampon use. I didn't go into detail I just said that there was some mature information in the book, but that it was stuff she needed to know and if she had any questions after she read any of it that she could ask. I then followed up last night and she claimed not to have any questions. She did, however, call her mom last night. I'm thinking she probably discussed "the book" with her. I'm not jealous at all, I just know how Thistle operates and she is the type to tell her, for example, that cramps/periods are "awful" and "terrible pain", etc, etc...you know the type. Instead of making her think it is a natural part of life and definitely survivable even though it can be uncomfortable at times. Alot of stuff with kids is all in the presentation, this much I've figured out! Thistle always uses the most dramatic presentation possible. Not to mention since WE are the ones that bought her the book she will probably tell her how wrong and stupid the information in it is anyway....lovely. Dandelion and I talked about that and decided that this year the school nurse will be talking to the girls in her class anyway and will corroborate everything in the book not to mention I plan to back up the info as well. So that'll be three sources telling her one thing and Thistle doing her own crazy thing off in the distance...hopefully that works!

A trip and ongoing stuff...UPDATED!

2011-06-27T07:11:00.001-07:00

See Update at bottom....

Well, we took a little long weekend with my parents to the Windy City...Chicago...this weekend. It was nice enough and I love being in a city, but long car trips when THIS pregnant are not fun, or at least I figured that out. I had fun, but I was also glad to be home! We did a lot of walking this weekend so I'm hopeful that it might offset the extra eating of yummy goods I did over the weekend too : )

Dandelion and I had a day to ourselves on Saturday while my parents took Daisy to the American Girl store. A mecca, of sorts, for young girls everywhere. This was basically the whole purpose of the trip. My parents had offered to take her completely on their own, but we knew her mom would throw a fit so we decided it just wasn't worth it so we'd just go too. It was very nice of my parents, but I think the motivation was two fold...1.) they genuinely wanted to take her, but 2.) I think my mom worries that with their first "real" (please don't read into that, I'm just stating the facts there) grandbaby coming VERY soon that Daisy might feel slighted or somehow not part of things so I think there might have been a little over-compensation in this too. However, she had a wonderful time! Daisy is lucky to have the grandparents she does, I don't think she realizes this, but she is!

In stepmother world the weekend went decently well. Multiple nights in a hotel room with Daisy is not always my idea of a good time. A condo type vacation is one thing...there is a little space for everyone to have their own time if they need it, but a hotel trip? That's ALOT of together-ness!! She did a lot of pouting on Sunday as my mom and I wanted to stop for a couple hours at a giant household/accessory store which was on the way home. Daisy did not want to do this...cue pouting, which ticked me off, especially since she'd had pretty much her dream day on Saturday. I know it's just kids in general, but the ungratefulness is something I just can't stand!!!! I chose not to say anything and Dandelion FINALLY (and too gently in my opinion) reminded her she's had a very nice weekend doing the things she wanted and it made us second guess doing those sort of things for her if she then pouted the second she wasn't getting what she wanted. She somewhat snapped out of it, but was generally obnoxious the rest of the day, as I stated...I was glad to get home!!

The fight was on AGAIN last night (and a bit over the weekend in Chicago) about the showering thing. She will NOT give it up and it's getting on my last nerve, though I have stayed out of it and am letting Dandelion deal with it. Honestly, I think the subject should be closed by now. She should not get to argue for a week with us about why she shouldn't have to bathe. I mean just typing that sentence is ridiculous...what's optional about being clean? Her latest is telling her dad this whole "plan" that "she" came up with wherein she showers only 4 times per week. If you didn't guess, this plan we are confident has come STRAIGHT from Thistle even though Daisy is billing it as her own.

Here are my thoughts on the issue....I hope he doesn't cave on the showering, but if he does that half hour that should be spent on showering/hair drying should then be spent on something productive. I don't believe she should be allowed to not shower so that she gets even MORE time to lay around, be a sloth and watch television. I don't want to make reading a "punishment", but the child does none of it. I think IF he caves on the showering it should be fine, you don't have to shower, but you must spend that time 1.) cleaning your room, 2.) picking up extra chores, 3.) reading a book....you get the idea.

Then there's another part of me that is just so pissed because the ONLY reason she's not wanting to shower is because she "doesn't want to." You know what? Tough cookies!! I don't necessarily want to go to work everyday and neither does Dandelion, but we do. Part of me thinks for the next few weeks when she asks for something ( I haven't figured out what yet) we should tell her "no" that we "don't want to" or that we're "only going to do that four days per week". Maybe then she'll get the hint? I mean who in her life is the one that doesn't do things simply because she "doesn't want to"....THISTLE!! She doesn't work, doesn't raise her kid, doesn't pay us what she owes, doesn't show up for court, doesn't stand on her own two feet, doesn't pay her bills, doesn't follow the law (duis, etc) all because "she doesn't want to" I know I'm probably going over the top, but I'll be darned if I'm going to have a little entitled person like that living in my house!! This is frustrating me to no end and I think it's RIDICULOUS that showering has turned into such a power struggle!

Oh, and about our trip...I forgot to mention...since being "stood up" Thistle has generally gone back to only talking to Daisy the bare minimum. But OF COURSE Dandelion gets a text on Friday that "she KNOWS we're on vacation and we needed to have Daisy call her as soon as possible". First of all, vacation is a stretch...it was a weekend getaway and we were in violation of NO court orders by going! She usually has no interest in talking to Daisy unless she gets to be nosey about something. We had an hour or so in our hotel room before we left for dinner that night so he had Daisy call our mother. Again, we were in a hotel room...a small space, so we could easily hear the conversation. Thistle spent the entire conversation wanting nothing, but just grilling Daisy about the trip. "where are you staying?" And, like a typical kid Daisy said "I don't know, but the hotel is AMAZING (cue me laughing because I'm sure thistle LOVED that!). The conversation went on with her grilling on whether it was "downtown" or not, where we were going for dinner, what we were doing the next day, blah, blah, blah. Until she finally asks Daisy AGAIN what the hotel was and Daisy says "I don't know, mom" So (we can hear her through the phone) Thistle tells her "well look on the desk or something...there's usually an ink pen or something with the name of the hotel." So Daisy gets up and does it. Dandelion and I just shook our heads...how nosey can this woman be? We knew she was doing this probably so she could immediately google it and find out how much it cost, etc. What a nutcase!! If she put half as much effort into being a productive person she might not have a bad life!! They never did talk about ANYTHING other than Daisy attempting to answer all the questions Thistle was spewing at her regarding our trip.

Update: I realize turning this shower/no shower thing into a power struggle with Daisy is a BAAAAAAD move. At lunch I went to the bookstore and purchased this book

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/dp/1562476661/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309199132&sr=8-1

It discusses how, as a growing girl whose body is/may soon start going through a lot of changes, she needs to keep up on her hygiene, etc. It also briefly delves into periods, leg/underarm shaving, no one else touching your body, healthy eating, exercise, etc. The book has fun illustrations and bigger print...I read it over my lunch hour and it's perfect, I think. And bonus...it confirms many things we've been telling Daisy. Teeth brushing should take minutes, not seconds, showering/bathing is a must several times a week and, if you're active, probably everyday. Chlorine must be washed out of your hair after swimming. Don't pop or pick pimples (this is big...she has had like two pimples and her mom made this huge deal about them (told Daisy they were Dandelion's "fault" because she's NEVER had a pimple before...whatever....so she must get it from her dad) and then popped them on top of it). This way, it's not just us saying it...she'll be reading it in a book too! This should open the door to us being able to talk about some of these things as well.

Secondly, I think I've figured out a way to give Daisy a "choice" in this showering matter. She loves this summer camp, loves all the activities, etc. When she was younger she went to a daycare in our town....it is geared towards smaller kids and she now considers it to be "for babies", even though they do take children up to twelve years of age. For our purposes we'll call it "kiddie care" So, since cleanliness (especially after activities) is not optional I think we will calmly and without being nasty/"mean"/punishment-y we will say "since you no longer want to shower after being active we will give you a choice....you may continue with your summer camp, but will need to continue showering daily because it is so active or you may stop attending your summer camp and start attending "kiddie care" which is much less active and wouldn't require such stringent hygiene." Let the choice be hers and then be done with it. And tell her as such....whichever choice you make we want no more complaints about showering, etc. And also put in the caveat that when we have somewhere to go/big family event, etc showering is not optional at all. I think Dandelion will go for this, it lets her "choose" what she'd prefer to do (even though I know what she'll choose) and should help us move on from this ridiculous issue!!

Thoughts?

Shower wars.....

2011-06-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

Ok...I think I've mentioned before that Daisy hates doing pretty much anything she does not want to do. I know this is typical of the age and it's also typical for Daisy so compound the two and you get lots of eye rolls, sighing, etc. when the kid is asked to, for example, make her own lunch for camp one night, put away her laundry or.....THE HORROR.....take a shower!!!!!!

Yes, you read that correctly. Daisy is almost 10 1/2 years old and hates bathing/showering. Part of me finds this comical...this child SOOOO wants to be a grown up...wants to wear inappropriate clothing, wear makeup, have a cell phone (she doesn't, by the way), do whatever she wants....but when it comes to doing actual adult things (you know, like personal hygiene and making sure she doesn't stink) she prefers not to and we have to stay on top of her about it. Personally, I find this to be ridiculous and humorous. You think you're so grown up, but don't even want to shower? Come back to me with your "i'm grown up" crap in a few years when you no longer think showering is a punishment...please and thank you!

So, over the past week (read...since last weekend) the eye rolls and sighing over bathing have gotten even worse. And every. single. night. she asks if she can either have her hair braided or let it air dry after she's bathed/showered so that she doesn't have to dry it. Here's another complaint of mine (and keep in mind I'm just venting here, I haven't said this to Daisy)...she wants this long "luxurious" hair, but wants to do NOTHING to take care of it. She HATES drying it even more than she hates bathing/showering. She will ask every. single. night. if she can go to bed with it wet. Here's the problem in that...sometimes, we don't care. But Daisy still sleeps like a little kid in that she's a CRAZY sleeper. If she goes to bed with wet hair then the next day she has big cowlicks, lumps, clumps...generally insane-ness going on with her hair. And she doesn't fix it. I can't remember when I got to the point of "fixing" my hair before going somewhere, but currently her idea of "fixing" hers involves PERHAPS running a brush through it. So if she goes to sleep with it wet, then hello crazy hair the next morning! And honestly, sometimes we don't care, but if she's going somewhere the next day it goes with that whole pride in oneself and at least looking presentable concept. And, just to clarify, if we're going somewhere special or something I will help her fix her hair for that.

Another issue is her mom, Thistle, has SUPER curly hair (which she still wears in a style circa her heyday in 1996, but that's neither here nor there and is simply a catty comment on my part ;), Daisy does not...it's pretty much straight hair with maybe a little frizz on days when it's humid. However, it is NOT curly....much to Daisy's dismay. She COVETS the curly hair. In her bid to worship her mother, having curly hair seems to be the one thing that she wants the most. On a humid day, let's say she's been playing outside and her hair is sweaty and frizzy from the weather she'll say "look at my hair...I think it's starting to get curly", with this air of hopefulness and excitement about her. She seems convinced that she'll wake up one day with Thistle's mane. On a personal level, it sickens me, but I don't let Daisy know. So the wanting it braided, not dried, etc also is an effort to "make it" curly. As in, she thinks the crazy, slept on, cowlicked look makes it look "curly" the next morning. Trust me, it doesn't....it just looks unkempt.

Anyway, yesterday was swim day at camp so one of the camp counselors french braided her hair after swimming. Apparently when Dandelion picked her up she asked if she could just leave it like that all night and sleep in it so it would be "curly" today. Dandelion said no and before he got a chance to explain anything I guess she got pretty testy and sigh-y/eye roll-y. So he said something to the effect of "what is the deal lately with not wanting to bathe or wash/dry your hair? Because I'm getting tired of you asking every. single. day. about this" (remember me blogging before about her incessant-ness?)

So, she says "she just doesn't understand why she has to wash her hair everyday, blah, blah, blah and (here we go...) "my mom said this weekend that I shouldn't wash it every..." Dandelion said he cut her off and said "stop right there. You live at our house, your mom does not make the rules there and I don't want to start hearing this 'well my mom says...' stuff". He said she shut up then and wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the trip home. He said he explained to her that at camp she is swimming and getting chlorine and chemicals in her hair that need to be washed out. Not to mention she spends an hour of camp in the gymnastics room being active, an hour rollerskating, and at least an hour playing outside on the playground when it's been 90-100 degrees. He told her it was necessary to wash both the chemicals and the sweat out of her hair every night because the pool chemicals could damage it (something he learned from me ; ) and the sweat part of it was just gross not to wash out. No response from her...she said she continued to pout. I don't necessarily wash my hair every day. I have very thick, coarse hair that can dry out with too much washing/drying. However, I also do not swim and play outside until I'm soaking wet everyday either. And if I did? You can BET that my hair would get washed afterwards. It's just the way things go!

It may sound harsh that he cut her off about her mom, but this is CLASSIC Thistle. Find something Daisy doesn't like doing at our house (that is actually perfectly reasonable) like homework, bathing, drinking a glass of milk with dinner and tell daisy why you think WE'RE terrible for making her do one of the above and how YOU would never make her do that. I'm glad he stopped it in its tracks the way he did. Because right now it's about showering, but what happens when she's 15 and says "but mom says it's stupid that I have to be home at 11 pm". Or when she's 13 and "mom says it's dumb that I can't wear coal black eyeliner and hoochie clothes to school" We don't even want to get it started, we want her to know that having to hear mom's second-guessing crap (especially through Daisy and not from mom) ISN'T going to fly!!

My question is this...isn't she getting old enough that we can just say (when something like this comes up), without being nasty about it, "Daisy, can you see what is going on here? Have you noticed that EVERY time there's something you don't want to do at our house that your mom is GOING to disagree with it and make you think we're "mean" for making you do it? That way we are the bad people in your eyes?" I mean she might not realize it on her own, but if it was pointed out to her she'd have to because it's been going on for years. Wouldn't this kind of prepare her for it continuing to go on as well and MAYBE see it for what it really is? And at the same time point out that Mia's mom makes her shower and do her homework. That our parents made us do those things...that that is what parents that care about you do (without saying Thistle doesn't care about you, but if she infers it, she infers it). Because right now she just thinks we're the a-holes and mom is her "advocate". Bullsh!t!!! Now, trust me, I know parenting isn't a popularity contest and the more she dislikes us, probably the better job we're doing....but I hate to see her just fall for this crap hook, line, and sinker and I REALLY hate being second-guessed about something like hygiene (which is a non-negotiable as far as we're concerned...you're GOING to be clean) by a ten year old. Isn't she getting to the point that we can point this out? It's not like we're going to trash her mom while doing it...just stating factually what's going on so she's "armed" with the information.

I don't know.....maybe we should just let her be the stinky kid for like two weeks (because she wouldn't shower for that long, or even longer, if we didn't make her) and hope someone makes fun of her about it? Sometimes this kid is SOOOO determined to just be a piece of trash that it disgusts me!!

Hilarious and mentally sickening all at once?!

2011-06-20T07:20:00.001-07:00

Is that possible for something to be funny and disgusting to me at one time? Well, I guess it is because those were my feelings on this situation yesterday. We got Daisy back at noon as we requested. However, even though Thistle is court-ordered to provide all transportation we got a text at 12:30 AM on Saturday night/Sunday morning that said he could have her at noon, but if he wanted her then he'd have to pick her up. Whatever....he just decided to do it...kind of a "pick our battles" thing. It was just her way of having SOME control...lord knows she wasn't going to bring her back at noon AND be the one to drop her off because she can't do EXACTLY what Dandelion tells her to (even if it's what's court ordered), now can she? Her pride won't allow it. This further proves that all her huffing and blowharding and telling us what would happen on Friday was just for show for whoever was listening. She SEEMS to have pretty much learned not to f with the court order on a major scale as she knows my husband will file contempt charges against her every. time.

Anyway, so my hubby went to pick her up yesterday and I stayed home as I was making a dessert to take to our father's day celebration that afternoon. When he got home he laughingly informed me that their trip to the waterpark did not happen because they "got stood up". OH. MY. GOSH!!!! He said he asked Daisy how the waterpark was and that she said they went to the park, but didn't actually go partake because the "guy and his son" never showed up and didn't even text them to say they weren't coming...........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that was the evil side of me laughing. First of all, it sounds to me like they were meeting at this park, supposedly. Doesn't that sound to you like it might have been a first date sort of thing? Who in the HECK takes their child on a first/blind date situation?! I guarantee you they met online. I wasn't there for the conversation with Daisy my hubby had so I'm going to play dumb and ask about it tonight to try to get a few more details....like if her mom had ever actually met this guy before or not. I can usually ask in a way that just sounds interested and not like I'm grilling her, so that's the plan.

But seriously....it's one thing to get stood up, but to get stood up WITH your child along?! WOW!!!! It makes me realize just how sad Thistle's life has become.

Also, I love the fact that even though her fb page is now private there is a little bit of info you can see at this time. First of all, her picture. It's not current...as I told you she's skin and bones and her teeth are disgusting. For Thistle, the picture she has up actually makes her look pretty decent. Except the shirt is SOOO low cut and the push up bra SOOO evident that her boobs are up to her chin....making it pretty clear what she's out shopping for on the interwebs!! Additionally the "about me" section declares "my life revolves all around my daughter"....nice!!! I won't even go there and mention it revolves around the daughter she sees 4 days per month. Under quotes she has something about karma coming back and "f-ing" the really bad people and rewarding the good ones and how people will "get what they deserve". Lovely. I'm sure in her mind she's one of the "good ones". She also has herself listed as "single". A little misleading since she's been divorced once and is in the midst of a second, but whatever...I guess when you're a pathological liar a little thing like that REALLY doesn't matter!!

On a MUUUUUUUCH happier note, Dandelion and I babysat my godson on Friday night. It was AWESOME!!! He was such a little sweetie for us. He's 2 and would lovingly pat my belly SOOO gently and say "baby". His mama texted me over the weekend and said that baby and my belly must have really made an impression because he woke up right away Saturday morning (we put him to bed Friday night) and began putting a ball under his shirt calling it his baby and continued to do that all weekend. TOO CUTE!!! I gotta say, I also liked a little bit when I had Dandelion carry him up our church steps (we had a volunteer thing at church Friday night and we took him along) since I'm large these days and he's a chunky boy...and he freaked out about Dandelion carrying him and cried and reached for me....not that I like him freaking out (and it's only because he's more used to me), but the him wanting me to hold him part...kind of made me melt!! Love that little guy...and it makes me even MORE anxious to meet our own little man!!! Sigh......7 weeks to full term!!!!!!!

Trying (very hard) to let it roll off......

2011-06-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I hate being right...at least about stuff like this. I'm trying VERY hard to let Thistle's re-entry into Daisy's life roll off my back, but it's so hard knowing what we've gone through before. I know we can do it, it's just keeping her "trained." That is, making her realize that crazy texts, phone calls, and demands aren't going to get a reaction so she might as well give up.

This is Thistle's weekend. Sunday is Father's Day. Father's day is legally Dandelion's and Mother's Day is legally hers no matter whose weekend it is. We went back and forth, at first he was just going to not exercise his right to father's day because it wasn't worth the hassle and we would celebrate it with Daisy either that evening when she returned or on another day. Then he decided that he'd go ahead and ask for father's day because if she denied it then that's one more (like we really need more) thing the next time we're in court. Sigh. I had mixed feelings....the spiteful "go get her!!" side that has all but gone by the wayside over the past couple years was saying "yeah, it's your day, and any time less she spends with her mother the better...especially if there's ANOTHER new man!!" But the side that more often wins out these days (thankfully) where Thistle is concerned is the path of least resistance side....the side that says...don't even mention father's day because even though it's court ordered and ours it puts her in that position that she sees as "powerful" and she'll go nuts with it.

Dandelion decided to tell her he wanted Daisy at noon for father's day. But he decided on Thursday, meaning no time for a letter...our preferred way of communicating with Thistle. I told him I was fine with that, but that he had to deal with all of the Thistle crap that went along with communicating with her about this. I didn't say it angrily in the least, I just told him I wasn't up for her crap.

So...since it was too late for a letter he texted her yesterday that he would like Daisy back at noon on Sunday for Father's Day. There was no response. He texted again today "Did you get my text from yesterday?" Her response?! She CALLED him. She NEVER calls him...he doesn't pay attention to her so she's been "punishing" (ha!) him for a couple years now by refusing to speak with him. Best punishment ever. She called and said "what are you talking about? Did I get your text?" She was playing dumb. He said "yes, about father's day." And she says "oh yeah....you wanted to know if you could have her back early or something?" Funny, first she's pretending she "just remembered" about the text and then she's also pretending that he was ASKING her for time with Daisy. No, no psycho. He's telling you...it's legally his time. But there she was...pretending to be in pathetic control.....clinging to literally the ONE time per year when she can exert any semblence of authority over anything (and legally she really can't, but in her mind, it's her only shot). She then follows up with "actually, I was wanting her for an extended weekend this weekend so that's not going to work." Say what?!?!?!?! Bitch, 1.) we don't do "extended weekends" so don't act like it's as easy as you just telling us it's happening. We don't do ANYTHING that isn't court ordered. 2.) a couple weeks ago you didn't even pick her up for your regular weekend and now you want "extended" time?!" 3.) She has camp that is ALREADY PAID FOR next week....unless you'd like to hand us cash or a money order UP FRONT for that camp time you are NOT getting any week time even if we were inclined to do so. Not our fault that you've dodged court hearings and have ZERO extra time with your daughter scheduled for the summer...that one is COMPLETELY on you!!!! 4.) This is SOOOOOO typical and REEKS of "new boyfriend on the scene"!!

The conversation continued to Dandelion saying "no, there won't be an extended weekend." And she said "well, father's day is just really not going to work out then...maybe I can try to get her back to you around 3, but we have plans and won't be around until then. (which tells me boyfriend must live at least a bit away from here and they are going to stay with him for the weekend). Dandelion stuck to his guns and said "well noon is what works for me." And she said "why, do you have plans or something?" (there's that CONSTANT need to horn in on our life) He told her whether or not we had plans was of no concern to her, the issue was it was father's day, his legal day, and he wanted her at noon. She cut in and said "well let me talk to her!" To which he said "what?!?!" (remember, it's the middle of a week day) She said again, "let me talk to her now." He (and I'll give him some smartass credit here) said "It's the middle of the day...most normal people are at work right now, which is where I am. She's not with me." To which she responded "oh, I thought you were on midnights." WTF?! He was on midnights for two weeks in May for the first time in 2+ years and he hasn't been on midnights since...he's not on midnights and if you thought that for real then it goes to show how LITTLE you know about your daughter's life and schedule. He said the conversation stopped then when she hung up on him...her typical M.O. when she's not getting what she wants or he's made a good point (like the lack of a job point).

I hate this woman. I hate that she's rearing her head again. I hate that she's CALLING again. (and most likely it's because someone was right there and she was showing off how "powerful" she was for that person....(i.e. let me talk to her "right now", "no, you can't have her for father's day", "I'm taking an extended weekend," etc.)) Whoever she was in front of....she doesn't want that person to know she has little to no input in her daughter's life.

PLEEEEEEAAAASE I wish she'd just go away again!

After Dandelion relayed this account to me I asked him to please not get into a war with her over this and re-open the constant calling, texting, harrassing crap. He said he had no intention to, that he was done. He'd told her noon and now it was up to her...she either abides by the court order or she doesn't....and we were getting on with our weekend.

UGH!!!!!!!!!

And here we go again.......

2011-06-16T06:05:00.001-07:00

Things have generally been good lately, really good. Daisy has been more invested in our family life than she's ever been and she's been happy and just a regular kid. She's had her moments, but they've been more "regular kid" moments than anything to do with her psychotic mother. I was getting comfortable with that "new norm"....one thing I know as a stepmom and should have kept reminding myself is not to get too comfortable with anything in stepfamily life, because it's always changing. Enter last night.

As you know, Daisy's mom has been leaving her alone and, quite honestly, ignoring her for the most part. Now, not that this is good in theory, but when you have a woman like Thistle if she's leaving Daisy alone then she's not screwing with her head which is ALWAYS a good thing.

Well, I got home from work last night and Dandelion tells me in the kitchen (Daisy was in her room) that Daisy asked if it was ok if her mom took her to get her hair cut this weekend? Weird...her mom's been VERY uninvolved in ANYTHING for months now. Then he follows up that he also overheard that they're planning to go to a water park this weekend. First thing out of my mouth to Dandelion? "Oh...so she's got a new boyfriend." You see (I know I've explained this before), this is her pattern: when single, ignore my child while I try to land a man. Find a man dumb enough to spend time with me/fall for my sob story (at least temporarily) and then come roaring back into Daisy's life with a vengeance, plan multiple outings, day trips, "fun things" and try to create this little "family" life with new man. All the while criticizing Daisy's "main" life (with us) turning up the "your dad and stepmom suck and are mean" rhetoric on Daisy because it usually fits in with whatever story she's told new man to make him feel sorry for her. Namely, that Dandelion abused her (along with supposedly every other man that's ever left her)and is an awful father. Sometimes man sticks around for a while and sometimes he doesn't. When he eventually leaves (and they always do)then the cycle begins anew.

So, Daisy comes out of her room and we sit down for dinner. Dandelion says..."So, your mom is taking you to X Water Park this weekend, huh?" And Daisy made sure to say "well not for sure, just maybe" (that's another qualifier with a new man...Thistle always gives herself an out because, come on...it was only Wednesday...she could be dumped and new man gone by the weekend). And then he followed up with "and you're getting your hair cut too?" Again, she said "just MAYBE getting it cut". So I chime in and say "well that's great that you're doing something with your mom (and I somewhat meant it because lately they've just been sitting in her grandma's house watching television all day, everyday that she has her). Who is going with you to the waterpark?" "Mom's friend and HIS son." Without skipping a beat I nonchalantly said, "oh, she's got a new boyfriend, huh?" Daisy kind of sat there a moment like "holy shit...I hadn't even thought of that possibility" and then said "no, he's just a friend."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight, Daisy. You just go ahead and believe that why don't you. And he's got a son? Great!! You can have another new brother....this will be the third sibling from her mom in the last two years...she had a "sister" two years ago that just disappeared one day when Thistle and her dad broke up and then she had her "bubby" Sapling who also was just gone one day who had actually been (and legally still is) her stepbrother.

I'm so discouraged. I can see it now...Daisy's going to fall for it AGAIN hook, line, and sinker. Thistle will be in a new relationship so will ramp up her anti-dad and tulip (and probably add in the baby for good measure) rhetoric to show off for her man. Daisy will get all attitude-y again and it's all happening right in time for the new baby to arrive. This freaking woman isn't even divorced yet...not that that matters to the likes of her, but she's not.

I know it sounds like I'm jumping to conclusions, but I know how this works...I'm not. The only thing that would derail this would be if new man dumps her....that's the ONLY thing. There is one slight difference in this situation as compared to previous ones, however. Daisy spends very little time with her mom now. Just every other weekend. When Poison Oak (and every guy before him) came on the scene she was still with her mom 50% of the time so she had a lot of time around these men. This one she'll really barely know...seeing him only a couple days a month. Oh, and now we get the added worry of wondering just WHO exactly is this guy (the same worry we have with EVERY new man)? Does he have a criminal record? Do we even want him anywhere near Daisy?

So......here we go again!

So blessed!!!

2011-06-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

I had the most excellent shower and day yesterday. Seriously, I knew we were exponentially blessed, but I guess sometimes you forget. I am so pumped for this little man to get here and have SO much organizing to do now that we've got all his gear...and I literally mean ALL his gear...people were SO generous to him and us! My hubby said I was glowing last night, I was just on cloud nine from the whole experience!

I was surprised that during the shower Daisy acted as a spectator. Granted, my mom made sure she had a big sister sash to wear and she got the job of serving the cut cake to everyone, we got her a new dress and I fixed her hair, etc....she was by no means ignored. But other than that she was pretty subdued and not at all in my face during the gift opening. In short, it was weird...nice and very age appropriate, but not Daisy. Last night I found out why....my inlaws came over for supper (I'm still too happy about my shower to be PO'd that my hubby invited them over to eat after such a big weekend when I was dead tired...so he gets a pass) and my mother in law mentioned something about Daisy helping to open gifts at the shower and Daisy, in a mournful tone that she's so good at when she's wanting sympathy, said "I wasn't allowed to help...." (pouty face). Now, this was news to me and I wanted to clear up REAL quick with my mother in law that I, the evil stepmom, had not forbade her "perfect" granddaughter from helping. So I asked "you weren't allowed? By who?" And she says "dad". So before bed I asked my hubby about it, apparently yesterday morning when I was showering and getting ready to go to the baby soiree he had a talk with her about not trying to be the center of attention all day at the shower and not getting in the middle of the gift opening. Wow. I had no idea he was going to/had done this. He told me I deserved a day that was about me and this baby. As a wife, I was so in love with my husband at that point. If you're a stepmom, you know how it is. Often feeling second class, that your feelings ALWAYS come second and that EVERYTHING must be shared....and he went to bat for me without any prompting or without me even knowing! Stepmom guilt creeped in a bit when I worried that she might be "scarred" or something or feel left out since her dad told her to keep her cool at the shower, but I'm not letting myself go there. She's 10 1/2 years old. There were 4 and 6 year olds there that were able to not help with gift opening then she should be capable of it too. To clarify why my husband probably felt the need to have this talk....Daisy is "that kid" at showers and birthday parties. There will be TONS of other kids and she's the one that is usually right up with the bride/mother-to-be/birthday child "helping" them open their gifts. She always uses "helping" as an excuse, but it's just bs. The gifts are where the attention is and she wants some (alot) of it! It always drives me nuts and my hubby never does anything about it, or enough about it, in my opinion. So...I guess my hubby decided to be pre-emptive. Again, I thank him so much for thinking of me and how he felt the day should be for me! Love him!

On another note, just more plain weirdness between Daisy and her mom. We were gone ALL day until almost midnight on Saturday for that out of town wedding I mentioned. At about ten 'til 8 my hubby had a text from Thistle "Where's Daisy?! Have her call me." This is typical Thistle, don't talk to your kid ever and then it's some urgent "emergency" that you talk to her. The "where's Daisy" cracked me up because she acted like she was missing or something. This prompted me to think she may have called our house earlier in the day and left a message and if several hours had gone by, in her instant gratification world, that was FAR too long to wait for a call back. When we got home caller id confirmed she's actually called about 45 minutes before her text....typical. We're not allowed to, you know, have an evening away from the house according to her. Anyway, so the call back happened in the car again so we overheard Daisy's end. It sounded as if Thistle got on her AGAIN for not calling her regularly. I hate that. Why is it the child's responsibility to call her mother? And, not to mention, then when she DOES finally talk to her Thistle just nags about "why haven't you called me?". Daisy was talking to her mom in an exasperated tone "i know, mom, I know." "ok, I'll try" They talked for all of 2 minutes, if that. It was a completely pointless conversation and the first time they'd talked all week. And Daisy participated in a b-ball camp all week...you'd think her mother might ask how that went...but no, because that has nothing to do with her (Thistle). My guess is they won't talk again until Thursday night when Daisy calls her to try to figure out who's picking her up for visitation on Friday...and that call ALWAYS happens. I know I've been dwelling on this over several posts, but it's just so weird. It's all of a sudden that she just has this "i don't care" exasperated "i've got no time for you, you're not a priority" attitude with her mom. I don't get where it's coming from at all. And I know I sound like a broken record, but it's just so sudden, it seems........

Hello, weekend!!!

2011-06-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Well, we've got a busy weekend!! I started seeing a chiropractor a few weeks ago twice a week and am SOO glad I did. I was having loads of trouble sleeping due to back pain and thought I'd give it a whirl and I've been sleeping exponentially better ever since! So anyway, I have an appointment tonight with him and then I'm hoping Dandelion won't mind just hanging out and having a lazy night at home because I'm tired and we have a big weekend!

We've got a wedding to go to tomorrow that's 3 hours away...boo on the driving. But it's one of my college roommates getting married so I have (and want) to be there. It's an outdoor wedding and I was completely dreading it because our whole area has been SO hot (in the 100 degree range lately), but tomorrow the high is supposed to be only like 75 degrees...much better. We have to do the there and back trip in one day though because my baby shower is on Sunday!!

I'm so excited!! I've done a really good job not buying a ton of baby stuff and waiting to see what I got for the shower so I didn't have duplicates. So I'm ITCHING to get to oooh and aaaah over all the baby stuff on Sunday!!! I've been wandering into baby clothing departments lately and just looking at all the cute clothes and I've only personally bought 3 little outfits so far...I'm pretty impressed with myself :) I hope the shower goes well and that Daisy does ok. I think she will and I know she's excited for it. One of her friends is coming (mia) as I'm friends with Mia's mom who is invited to the shower so I'm hopeful that will keep her somewhat occupied. These sorts of events always worry me a bit because of her center of attention tendencies/knack for trying to get away with things both when my mother in law is present and when she's in groups and thinks I can't "do anything" about it, but I think it will all be ok....let's hope anyway!!

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions alot, which my doctor says is completely normal. But my belly gets SO hard and uncomfortable multiple times per day. But it's supposed to be a good thing...the body practicing to do what it needs to do on the big day! Little man lately likes to stick his rump up and out and even though it can be uncomfortable, I find it to be adorable and like to rub his little butt! Went to the doc yesterday and all was well...really good on the weight gain this time, good blood pressure, and only minimal swelling...woohoo!

Sorry for rambling on about all things baby...I'm just pumped with my shower coming this weekend! I hope you all have a great weekend!!

Clothes Police....

2011-06-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Well, Daisy is not at her rec center camp this week because she was already signed up for a sports camp through her school. So she's been going to my in-laws in the mornings and then goes to sports camp for the afternoon and then my husband picks her up from that after work. She'll return to rec center camp next week.

She seems to be enjoying the camp. I tentatively asked my husband how she appears to be doing (since he picks her up and gets to see a bit of the camp) and he says ok...middle of the road compared to other girls. You see, Daisy is NOT what one would call athletic. Like I can see her trying to shoot a layup and the ball bouncing off the backboard and hitting her in the head...you know the type. Heck, other than softball and dance...I am that type!! She does, however, excel at other things, like tumbling. I think the no athletic ability is hard for my hubby to admit because he's pretty athletic and Daisy would have been much more involved in soccer, softball, etc had her mother been any sort of cooperative. We did tumbling because it could be done on weeknights. However, when we tried to do city league softball we took her to everything on our time and she missed every single game and practice on her mother's time (before we had custody)even though her mom agreed to "letting" her play softball...whatever.

So...the clothes thing. On Monday, the first day of camp I took her to her grandparents and she was looking like every other kid. Jersey material shorts and a t-shirt...fine attire for a sports camp. Then she must have seen the older girls. You see, this camp is put on by the high school girls' team so the high school players are front and center. My guess is, especially with our extreme heat this week, that the older girls are wearing "wife beater" style tanks with sports bras underneath and/or those workout style shirts that are basically long/full-length sports bras. Because every. single. morning. after that first day Daisy has walked out in some wholly inappropriate outfit to try to wear to camp. The thing is, she's 10...she has no "workout" clothes. So she tries to wear little tank tops (like ones that came with say a button up the front shirt to wear UNDER said shirt) with sports bras under them. She looks ridiculous and inappropriate. Not to mention that she has no need for a bra so there's just ALOT of bra showing where older/more "mature" girls having something they're actually trying to cover up/support. So....every morning I've made her change. And every morning I get the "why are you such a bitch?" look. I guess it's progress that it doesn't even phase me any more. I told her she knows what's appropriate to wear and yet she still tries to get away with wearing INAPPROPRIATE things then she's going to have to change every. day. It's SHE that is choosing to make this difficult.

Today was actually the best (or worst depending on how you're looking at it, but I'm coming at it from a slightly humorous angle here) and it was two fold....1.) since her bra was hanging out when it was time to leave I could clearly see what bra she was wearing and knew it was the same one from yesterday (and no, her laundry was not done last night). GROSS!! Did I mention the gym for practice is BARELY air conditioned and it's been 100 degrees? And then when she got home she was out jumping on her trampoline and came in soaking wet with sweat...I'm sure THAT bra smelled LOVELY!! She knows she's not supposed to wear underclothes two days in a row (it's been an issue before) especially when she's sweating like she has been the last couple days. 2.) Today she chose a WHITE tank top that, when we purchased it, came with a solid darker tank top over it...I think they were actually attached at the straps at one point and she must have cut them apart. Under the tank it came with it was no problem, however on it's own it's pretty see through when it's dry. So, I told her she also couldn't wear the white tank (which is also getting borderline too small which makes it tight) when she would be all sweaty because it would become see through in about 5 seconds flat. So...this morning not only did she have to change her bra, but she also had to change her shirt...she was none to pleased with stepmom...I don't care. I'm not going to send our kid off to look like she's participating in some pedophiles version of a wet t-shirt contest!!

Seriously!!!!!!! We had gotten better about clothes since the closet/drawer play clothes/good clothes separation, but this week has been a gray area because it's b-ball camp...you don't really wear "good" clothes to that, but you don't wear scummy clothes either...so, she saw an opportunity to push the boundaries, bend the rules, whatever you want to call it.

So frustrating....I just don't understand why, even when her behavior has been good recently, it's like she's ALWAYS looking for an opportunity to get away with something...ALWAYS!!! I feel like I'm a warden sometimes having to police this stuff. Is this normal 10 year old stuff or more her personality or a combination of the two? I played softball in 100 degree heat for years and I never remember trying to wear slutty tank tops and bras (especially at age 10) to practice...come on!!!! It's practice...if anything it was a badge of honor to look sweaty, dirty, and tomboyish by the end of practice. These clothes issues make me wonder WHAT in the world she'll be like with clothes as a teen. I mean she wants to dress like a hoochie at age 10?!?! 15? Shoot, she'll be wanting to wear micro minis and fishnets with stilettos, yet I'LL be the bad guy in that scenario too, no doubt!

Frustrating........

Proud of my hubby....hoping this wasn't harsh....

2011-06-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

So....we were kind of anticipating that Daisy was going to "claim" the baby's things as hers. Things have really improved (knock on wood) behavior wise with Daisy, but, as you know, just her personality in general is very look-at-me, center of attention-esque. As in, I could see her wanting to play with baby toys even though she'll be going on 11 when the baby is born (For example, we have Dandelion's old legos and some trucks from when he was a kid that were stored in the then-spare room closet for when our nephew comes over....when that room became the "baby's room" those toys mysteriously wound up in Daisy's room.....hm. She had no interest in these little kid/boy toys until there was a little boy baby on the way who someday MIGHT have interest in them). She doesn't like others getting attention she is not receiving at that very moment. Since the nursery has been finished (for the most part)we've often found her in there looking around, etc. I never said anything....to her or Dandelion. I didn't want her to feel isolated or like the baby was "off limits" or something. There are a few little outfits in his closet and some toys, etc that we've already gotten.

Yesterday before I got home apparently Dandelion found her in there again, but this time going through his things....pulling out his toys, etc. I was SHOCKED that Dandelion had a little talk with Daisy about it. Saying to her that we were glad she was excited, etc, but that she had a room and her own things and the baby was going to be a person too and had a right to that as well. That she did not have free reign of the baby's room and, likewise, that when the baby got mobile he wouldn't be allowed to come in and terrorize her room and things. That everyone deserved his/her own space, privacy, respect for their things, etc. He said she understood and apologized for going through his stuff. End of discussion....it wasn't some giant issue.

Part of me is SO proud of him. This is like a REAL talk he had with her with NO prompting from me and I think he portrayed it all very fairly explaining that she'd get the same courtesy we were asking of her towards the baby. Personally, I don't think he was too harsh either. In our house we knock on bedroom doors before entering, etc. She basically doesn't come in our bedroom and she'd never go through OUR closets without permission. We're about personal respect and everyone deserving it. I also think it's good to talk about this BEFORE he gets here because right now there's not an actual little person to be jealous of, just the idea of one. Now she knows the expectations. It has nothing to do with her being "step" and the baby being "mine". If anything, I think it has more to do with the big age difference between the kids. Though I'm sure it'll be rough with a toddler, he will be taught he can go in his sister's room if invited, not that he can go in whenever he wants and mess up her stuff, etc. He deserves the same from her even when he's too little to know what's going on....at least we think so.

What do you all think? Was this overkill? I guess I worry that it might have made her feel "unwanted" but in my gut I think it was the right thing to do. We've had issues with her respecting other people in general (bullying, etc) that have nothing to do with being a step anything so this is kind of just an extension of that. Not everything in the world is hers or is all about her. She's 10 now and it's time she starts realizing that or the world is going to be a very harsh place for her when she gets out in it and realizes it's actually NOT all about her. Thoughts would be appreciated!!

Success!!

2011-06-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was Daisy's first day of summer camp. She was a little nervous at drop off, which I don't blame her in the least. She literally knows no one there. I was worried all day about whether or not she'd have a good time. Dandelion picked her up from camp so when I got home and asked her how it was her response was..........."AWESOME!!" Yay!!! I was so relieved!!! She was tired last night...we had heard this about this camp...that they keep the days fun, fast-paced and active, and that she'd be worn out in the evenings! It was true and she ate like a horse at dinner time, but she didn't have a single complaint about the day so in my book that is great!! She was pumped and excited to go this morning again...woohoo!! I'm so glad this is working out so far, I can't even begin to tell you! They swim in the rec center's outdoor pool two days a week and they have to be responsible for their own sunscreen. That makes me a little nervous, but I went over with her how she has to make sure to put it EVERYWHERE, etc. So, hopefully we won't get too bad of burns, but if she does that's the only way she'll learn where to put it I guess!! Hopefully I've done a good enough job in past summers teaching her how/where to apply sunscreen that she'll know on her own this year!

We had a funny day on Sunday this past weekend. Well, she didn't think it was funny, she was being very dramatic, but as is typical in 10 year old fashion her drama can actually be humorous to us. We were holding back laughter in the kitchen. Daisy has an issue with keeping track of things and I swear she is on the verge of being a hoarder...though she is getting better about that! Well, she has a digital camera she got for Christmas, and iPod shuffle she got a few years ago, and a N!ntendo DSi that she got two years ago....these are her main electronics. In the last month she has lost "forever" (and then we've found) the camera, and the cord chargers for all 3 electronics. Well...I had noticed she'd not been taking her DS anywhere (it had been the go-to thing to bring when she might be bored somewhere (my doc appointments, a graduation party with very few young kids, etc). It came out this weekend that was because she couldn't find the charger for it and the battery had died. And, oh yeah, her camera charger was also missing.

So...on Sunday night Dandelion told her she couldn't do anything else (she wanted to go see if the neighbor girl could play) until she found her chargers and gave her a little responsibility schpiel. She thought this was a huge punishment...we were 99% certain we knew exactly where the chargers were (she's got these shelves with bins in her room that are riddled with random junk and she always throws crap in there when she "cleans" her room), but felt it was not OUR responsibility to find them. So...much pouting ensued. We pretty much left her alone to it...didn't do repeated lecturing, etc. We walked by her room once and she was laying on the floor "thinking about" where they might be, she cried about it, she pouted about it. She wailed EVER so dramatically that they were "gone FOREVER and that she had looked EVERYWHERE in her room and would NEVER find them because she was stupid and she should just stay in her room forever with no toys......" Yeah...that's where our kitchen laughing came in...she was wailing in all seriousness and we were laughing at the EXTREMES that a 10 year old's brain can go to......Not to mention that I know how her "looking very hard" works. Open closet, stand in front of it, stare at it, and declare...nope, not in here. Pull out shelf bin, stare in it, move nothing, and declare....nope, not in here.

After we told her the wailing could stop, that dramatics weren't going to help her find the chargers we asked SPECIFICALLY did you look in the bins on your shelves? "yes!!!" "Did you take EVERYTHING out of EACH bin and make sure they weren't in there?" "YES!!!!" So, Dandelion proceeded to look for the chargers (this was after, I kid you not, her "looking" for three hours for these things...and found them within five minutes in the bins. So, since they were so easy to find and WE had to be the ones to find them RIGHT where we'd told her to look and she'd said she supposedly had...all the electronics in her room (including tv remote)are currently sitting on our dresser in our room until further notice. She never even got yelled at...Dandelion quietly found the chargers, showed them to her, and began carrying the electronics out....cue more wailing! Because, you know, in the grand scheme of things a remote control is TOTALLY something to wail over. He calmly told her he was going to keep these things for a few days until she could think about how to be more responsible with her nice things. With a little reminder added in that she wants a cell phone SOOOOO bad, but why would we get her one when she can't keep track of what she's got?

It's been hilarious. The child has a bike, a trampoline, 5 acres to explore, and a girl that lives two houses down but she's been randomly sitting in her room playing this little lap harp during her downtime that my parents got her at some touristy store in Amish country like three years ago. We laugh that it reminds us of prisoners raking their cup back and forth over the cell bars because they're depressed. It also makes our home sound annoyingly like a chinese restaurant with the harp pinging going on and on and on..........funny stuff!!

Summer!!!

2011-05-31T06:18:00.000-07:00

Well, weather-wise it appears summer is officially here. This is typical in our "neck of the woods" to go from rainy and 60 to 90-95 and HOT within a day's time and that's exactly what transpired this weekend! We went strawberry picking at a local pick your own farm yesterday and that was great! In my world there is nothing like fresh strawberries! And then we had my parents over for some steaks on the grill...yum!!

All in all it was a good weekend. We had a graduation and party to attend Friday night. On Saturday evening we took Daisy and two girlfriends bowling as a reward for her receiving STRAIGHT A's on her report card...woohoo!! She was so proud of herself! Sunday we just worked around the house and then I already told you about Memorial Day.

I can tell you that this little boy in my belly is getting BIG!!! I'm frequently getting glimpses of his little butt as he pushes it up into my rib cage and it sticks out at odd angles....a bit uncomfortable, but sooo cute!! I'm at a full waddle now, but was able to be outside at the strawberry farm (thank you, nice breeze!) without any swelling, which I was pumped about! Dandelion also planted some ornamental grass at the end of our driveway that I've been wanting and it looks so good!! Our yard is a work in progress. This is out second full summer at our home. Summer 2009 we moved in right before school started and the home had just been built. Needless to say we pretty much only had dirt to work with. Last summer my husband's union was on strike so spending extras on yard things wasn't a priority. This summer so far we've planted the grass and some lilies in our back yard! It's our goal to get professional landscaping done this time next year up near our house....we're so excited to see how that looks, I'm sure it'll give it that "finished" feel to it. I do love the fact that I've been planting lilies, etc. This fall I want to plant tulip and daffodil bulbs...it's these kinds of things that, to me, really make a house feel/look like a home!!

Today is Daisy's first day of summer camp at the rec center in the town where I work. She was a little nervous about not knowing anyone, but mostly she was pretty excited!! I hope it works out as well as we think it will!!

She's been really weird (for her) about her mom lately. Tuesday was her last day of school and the day she got her report card. On wednesday evening her mom called. Daisy was sitting next to Dandelion on the phone so he could overhear the conversation. He said Thistle asked "you were supposed to call me yesterday (tuesday), why didn't you?" And Daisy nonchalantly, almost callously said "Oh...I just didn't think about it." Really flat in tone. He said Thistle followed up with "well.....don't you have something to tell me?" To which Daisy replied (flatly again) "I don't know what you're talking about...." Mom tried to get her to remember again and Daisy again huffed that she didn't know what she meant and Thistle finally said "well did you get straight a's?" and Daisy said "oh...yeah I did". Still in that flat tone. When she told EVERYONE else about her grades she was basically ecstatic, couldn't contain herself. Dandelion said it was really weird how she reacted to her mom on the issue. There have been other small instances like this too like repeatedly talking about being included in things we talked about that were going on next weekend (she should be at her mom's) and we'd have to remind her (which we've NEVER had to do before) that she'd be with her mom and she'd go "oh...yeah...I forgot." Just weird. I don't know if she's starting to see through her mom or what? Who knows.

She also has been a bit closer to me, it seems. I am not reading anything into it, taking it at face value, and anticipating it could switch back to "mommy loyalty" at any time. But she's been making me things (drawings, bouquets from grandma's yard flowers, etc)and bragging to everyone about how great she thinks I did on the baby's nursery. I don't know if it's a direct result of the pulling away from her mom, if it's because I'm expecting her baby brother and she's finally figured that out, or something totally different....but my mom even mentioned it to me, I'm not the only one that has noticed it. Just weirdness all around...not bad weird, just weird!

Well, I for one am pumped to have a short work week and hope that you enjoy yours too!!

Happy Long Weekend Friday!!

2011-05-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Woohoo...a long weekend, I'm stoked! I've got one cake to do this weekend and it shouldn't take a large amount of time so I'm pumped to basically have a free weekend. I've only got about two more cakes on the schedule and then I'm quitting until after the baby's born. I think my last one is in late June. I know it's early and I'm not due until early August, but A.) being on my feet for hours in the kitchen is already starting to get a little tiring and B.) with cakes everything is done right before they're needed (basically) and I would feel terrible if baby decided to make an early debut having to call someone who had a bday party in two days and back out on their cake!!

We've got a graduation and party tonight in my hometown to go to. I have no siblings, but the young man that is graduating (along with his sister) are the closest things I've got. Their family lives next door to my parents and I babysat for them from the time he was about 8 weeks old...he's my little (now bigger than me) buddy...he definitely has a special place in my heart and he and his sister were BOTH in our wedding. I can't believe he's graduating high school tonight...I feel old :), but really proud of him...he's such a good kid!

We have had some SERIOUS weather in our area this past week and I'm ready for a breather. This weekend is supposed to be HOT and sunny so hopefully the severe storms will stay far away. The devastation in Joplin (which is not in our backyard, but close enough to feel "near"), MO is so hard to look at. I was never one to freak out about storms, but for the first time ever in my life we spent time in our basement on Wednesday night. There was a warning to "take cover" in our area and I didn't want to risk not doing it. Obviously we weren't dramatic about it...Daisy roller skated in our basement while I sat on our couch and Dandelion organized his shelving down there, but still...the weather was serious. Luckily it passed with only a few small limbs down in our yard!

Well, I've rambled on long enough...I hope you all have a great holiday weekend. We don't have big plans, but hopefully we'll find something enjoyable to do!

Another one over....

2011-05-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

Last night was Daisy's gymnastics recital. I know how important these types of events are to make Daisy a well-rounded person, etc and I would never deny her them. However, to look at it selfishly as a stepmom, I HATE them. I hate being places where we may have to deal with her mother. It makes me totally uneasy, preoccupied, and nervous the entire time because who knows what she may pull. Last night was no different.

As is usual in these situations we sent a letter (carboned to our lawyer) in advance explaining date, time, location, details of Daisy's recital. We began doing this probably two years ago to avoid her lying about not being told things. Hubby would text or call her with information, she wouldn't show up and then she'd claim we never told her about it....all lies. So, the letter with a carbon to the lawyer kind of takes care of that issue plus it forces her hand a bit. She can't pull the "daddy didn't tell me about it that's why I didn't come, daisy" when we have proof in the form of a letter. We send a letter and then tell Daisy "we sent your mom a letter about your recital." That way EVERYONE is on the same page. Do we want her there, no! Does Daisy want and need her mother there...yes. Daisy wins...as it should be.

We wondered if she'd show last night and, amongst ourselves (Dandelion and I) we thought she would only if she could find someone to come with her...she wouldn't want to be alone (honestly can't say that I blame her there) especially since she probably knew that most likely both sets of our parents would be in attendance. When we got there her brother (read the following old post for details about brother if you want) (http://ourlivesinbloom.blogspot.com/2009/09/why-do-i-call-him-creepy-brother-you.html)and his newly minted fiance were already there sitting very close to the front of the auditorium. Unbeknownst to them they sat down right in front of one of my best friends and her family (there to see their daughter) so I may still get some scoop if she was able to pick up any tidbits while sitting there, but I haven't talked to her yet...hehe. Anyway, I digress. We sat very near the entrance to the auditorium...this is the easiest place to sit to get Daisy in/out when she needs to go get ready for her performances. Brother/Uncle's fiance walked over to where we were sitting and gave Daisy a small bouquet (customary at recitals) which we knew they would because we brought her one last year and they (thistle and her clan) had nothing we knew that wouldn't happen again, competition, remember. The fiance then walked back to her seat. Dandelion gave Daisy a reprieve instead of having her feel caught and said "If you'd like to go say hello and sit with them for a bit go ahead..." Daisy looked relieved and went and sat with her uncle. Her mom still wasn't there.

RIGHT before the recital started, in she walked. When she's uncomfortable she can literally look like the bitchiest person on Earth with this awful set in stone face (not that she ISN'T the bitchiest person on Earth...haha). That's the look she had on when she came in. But that wasn't what caught my attention. The woman is gaunt. As in her jeans were bagging off of her in the back. I know I'm obviously biased, but to me...something is up. She has never been a big person, I will give her that. My guess would be she is typically around a size 6. I would guess now she's a 1 or 0. Now, to try to be objective and give benefit of the doubt the woman is going through a divorce and has no job, other legal problems, no home and no money. So it is possible that it's stress related. Some people lose weight when they're stressed. However, my radar went off when I saw her...with her history I have to be suspicious that she's doing something that's causing her to be so downright skinny especially when paired with Daisy's "mom's teeth are falling out" comments. I am a naturally skinny person ( or at least I was before baby...haha), but I've ALWAYS been that way. I've known of this woman since I was in high school and I've never seen her look like this. Not to mention she also had on no makeup and her hair was atrocious. Typically when she's going to see us you can tell she puts effort in. She never looks nice or classy, but you can tell she's tried to get "dolled up". Not last night.

Daisy performed in one routine and then all the girls performed in a group finale. Thistle stayed for Daisy's routine and then left shortly after, missing the finale. Really? Not that the finale is that exciting, but your life is SO busy that you can't stay to watch everything your daughter is in? The uncle did stay, however. Afterwards we asked Daisy..."so did your mom leave early (we knew she had)?" "yes." (Trying to sound just interested and not badgering) "Oh really, how come she had to go?" In a defensive tone..."oh, I told her she could if she needed to...there was really no reason for her to stay." Dandelion corrected (might be a harsh term...it wasn't really correcting) her and said "Daisy, don't act like your recital isn't a big deal...you did a really good job tonight." Not to mention if WE had said we were leaving and missing the finale don't you just bet the poop would have hit the fan with Daisy? I'm sure it would have!!

As an aside...the brother's fiance is really young...he's my age (about 30) and the fiance (according to Daisy) is 18. Where they were sitting was several rows in front of us and you could tell how young the girl is (and that she's obviously heard horror stories and is buying them hook, line, and sinker) because that little girl kept turning around and STARING at me (they were in front of us...she wasn't discreet, it was obvious) THE. WHOLE. TIME. Even my mom leaned over at one point and said "have you noticed that girl staring? What's her deal?" It was very awkward.

So, I have no idea what's up with Thistle, but I'd say something...she looked ROUGH...and rough for Thistle is REALLY rough. And again, I know I'm biased, but it's the weight loss that shocked me. I'll admit I'm naive. I don't know alot about drugs other than from watching intervention....but I think there are some that cause this gaunt look in people.....scary!

And so it begins....or just a fluke?!?!

2011-05-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

As you know I'm not of the camp (and there ARE people in our family that are firmly rooted in this camp) to feel sorry for Daisy. However, this weekend there was a period of time where I genuinely did.

We knew that in the two weeks since she'd seen her mom she had only talked to her twice. One time of which Daisy said SHE called her mom (and that was this past Thursday to check on plans for Friday pick up because mom ALWAYS calls the thursday before because plans are ALWAYS different and it was getting close to bedtime and Daisy still hadn't heard from her). This infrequency of phone calls is a bit odd. Typically Thistle is all about calling Daisy daily at her grandparents house after school. Not because she's interested in her daughter, it's typically someone she can talk to about what's going on in her adult life...sad, I know. So anyway, we knew call frequency had greatly decreased recently. Well, this past Thursday she called her mom right before she got in the shower and then quietly showered and got her hair dry. Dandelion left while she was in the shower for a church league softball game (first one of the season...Daisy and I intend to start going once school's done and bedtimes aren't to be as worried about). So....after her shower she, in a snippy voice, told me she was ready for bed. The tone ticked me off, but I didn't say anything. When I went in her room to tuck her in she hemmed and hawed and had a nervous air about her as she asked "Tulip, I was wondering if it was ok if I stayed here until Saturday after recital practice since my mom isn't feeling good? (It was supposed to be mom's weekend)" Now I saw the TRUE reason for the attitude. This kid was a nervous wreck and very sadly thought she may not have a place to stay Friday night. Luckily my "mom" ness kicked in immediately and the first thing out of my mouth was that she NEVER had to ask to "stay at our house" because it was her home and as far as we were concerned she could be there all day everyday if she needed to be. She instantly got a look of relief on her face. I asked her what was going on with her mom and she said that "her teeth hurt" so Daisy would just be bored if she went to be with her Friday night. Are you kidding me?! I did mention that this wasn't something she should have to worry about and it was something Thistle should have discussed with Dandelion instead of Daisy having to ask.

I managed to stay somewhat coherent until Dandelion got home at 11 pm (big feat for this pregnant lady :) so I could tell him what was going on. He was just as disgusted as I was with Thistle. You see, as flaky and nuts as she is, since we've had custody and a set visitation schedule she has NEVER missed a visitation. Now, has she picked Daisy up (or had someone else pick her up) and immediately pawned her off on someone else? Of course, but to just not pick her up....nope, not happened. And the times she's pawned her off she's played it to Daisy like Daisy was going to get to "have a sleepover" with that person...so it was shrouded as a positive even though we knew better. And Daisy is 10, she's not a toddler, she knows when she's being dumped not to mention she's probably heard her mom lie to others with her lame medical excuses knowing FULL well that they weren't true at the time and now the excuses were being used on HER. I felt bad for her, I saw her face when she had to ask me if she could stay with us on an unplanned night...it was sad and pathetic for Thistle to have put her kid in that situation.

Right away the next morning Dandelion texted Thistle (we're talking 8 am). We don't start fights with her so he basically he just pretended to buy into her story (Daisy tells us you're sick and she needs to stay, that's fine just need to know when you'll be getting her). We figured we needed to "play nice" because, honestly, if she's going to dump Daisy on someone we'd rather it be us than some random stranger (has happened before). She did not respond until about 2 pm that afternoon and she is an instant responder...so we surmised, based on her history, that she had just woken up for the day. And of course the response was long and lengthy about how awful her teeth were and that it was unsafe for her to drive ESPECIALLY with Daisy in the car (funny how when she's doing this it's always under the pretense of actually what a WONDERFUL mother she is) and that she'd "let us know" if she'd be getting her on Saturday too depending on how she felt. What a dumb b word. If you're planning to not get her at all for the weekend why not tell her up front? Because Daisy had swallowed the fact that she wasn't seeing her mom Friday night, but was CONFIDENT she'd be with her on Saturday afternoon through Sunday, but Thistle's text to Dandelion indicated that might not happen either. We decided not to mention this to Daisy. It was hard, but we thought if it was going to happen (her not seeing her at ALL for the weekend) we needed to let her mom disappoint her and then help her deal with it instead of trying to head it off at the pass. That's the only way she's going to learn the way things really are, unfortunately.

So, Saturday on the way to tumbling Daisy calls her mom to "see how she is" and see what time she'd be picking her up that afternoon. No answer, but Daisy left a message. Thistle didn't call her back until they were turning back onto our road coming home from tumbling two hours later. Dandelion couldn't hear what Thistle was saying, but could surmise what was going on based on Daisy's end of the conversation. He said Daisy asked "So what time are you coming to get me?" and then was silent while, presumably, Thistle talked. He got the idea she was waffling on coming to get her, more "you'll be bored" excuses, etc. Because, he said he heard Daisy cut her off and in an exasperated tone say "Look, mom. Are you coming to get me or not, I need to know what's going on?!" Wow! Go, Daisy. Not that I like her being disrespectful to ANY adult, but way to go for not allowing your mother to walk all over you. Dandelion said at that point Thistle finally said she'd come get her in an hour. Two hours later she actually showed up. It was clear she was in no hurry to see her kid and had probably intended on NOT seeing her, but Daisy pushed her and Thistle can usually manipulate Daisy into doing what she wants. When Daisy got home last night she said she hung out with her uncle and cousin the whole time. No mention of her mother. We try not to grill her when she gets home so we didn't ask anything else. It's possible Thistle wasn't even around, we will ask that nonchalantly sometime in the coming days.

So...is this how it begins? Her missing visitation time? By the way, our guess is she has a new man in her life. This would represent the first "new man" since we've had custody. Previously, visitation wasn't set in stone, Dandelion got a certain number of days per week, but they varied. So she would dump Daisy or back out on seeing her, but since there was no schedule, usually Daisy wouldn't even realize it was happening, plus she was significantly younger. In the past with a new man she puts ALL (and I mean ALL) of her time and effort into the guy. Spending every waking second possible with him (can't leave his side because he might realize he doesn't want you around?). During this phase she virtually ignores Daisy's existence. Then when the guy is "hooked" she wants to play mommy and would (previously) deny Dandelion visitation time so Daisy could be with her "real" family....the new one she'd created with boyfriend of the moment. It'll be interesting this time because she won't be able to do that as we have custody now.

It's so sad to see this process play out, especially now that Daisy is older. She might not admit it, but she can begin to see what's going on if this dumping continues. Especially since we happily kept Daisy and didn't throw a fit. If she can get away with it again, she will. The not returning calls until mid-late afternoon is also concerning. She's always been a sleep all day person, but WHAT is she doing? Drugs? Partying all night? Has she finally resigned herself to the fact that we have custody, realized she likes being a "single, unattached" gal and, since she's no longer receiving child support, who cares about Daisy?! Afterall, she was just a pawn anyway.

Sad, sad situation. If this starts getting bad Daisy is at SUCH a critical age...we're going to have a ALOT to deal with behaviorally I would think if mom starts routinely dumping her....sigh.

Thoughts?

LaDeeDa....

2011-05-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

I've really got nothing...just felt like blogging!

I took a late lunch at work today to head back home and watch Daisy's class play. I drove 40 minutes round trip for an 8 minute play, but hopefully she was happy to have a person in the audience for her. She's only got 3 full days of school left...hard to believe! She also STILL has straight A's but I know the teacher has one final round of grades to enter into the database so I'm hoping she can hang on. We're going bowling as a family (the incentive we set 4th quarter last year for getting straight A's) if she makes her goal!!

I go get my 4-D ultrasound tomorrow and have my gestational diabetes test. I'm excited to see the little guy again and intrigued to find out if this is a hand or a foot that has spent the last month or so in my rib cage...I'm thinking foot, but I guess tomorrow we'll know! Daisy is not going to this ultrasound as it's earlier in the day and we didn't want to take her out of school for it and she got to go for the big gender ultrasound. When Dandelion and I were talking about it she said "oh...YOU'RE going?!" like it was just MY deal and her dad had no reason to be going. She is BEYOND excited about this baby and has taken to rubbing my stomach to tell him goodnight, etc. However, it's comments like that that sometimes make me wonder if she REALLY understands what it'll be like and that "her" dad will now have two kids. Sometimes I vaguely get the idea that she thinks this is MY baby, but not really her dad's (and not like in a she thinks it's not biologically his way, I just mean that she doesn't really get it). It will be interesting to see how she adjusts to it, that's for sure!

Thanks for the advice on where to look for a dress, Selfish Stepmom. I actually love all of those places for maternity wear, I guess I'm just being picky about a dress :) Dresses are my FAVORITE thing to shop for anyway and I'm picky about them in general...so add a basketball sticking out of my abdomen and it makes shopping for them even more challenging....haha!

Camp Update....

2011-05-17T06:22:00.000-07:00

Well...Daisy is PUMPED about summer camp. I mean pumped. I thought she might be a bit excited, but this was just over the top wow excited!!! I couldn't be more pumped that she's pumped, if that makes sense :) And the thing is...she started the discussion about the summer. We were planning to talk about it over dinner so we kind of started with just "wow, can't believe you only have a week left of school..." And we didn't have to say anything else...her next question was "so am I just going to go to grandma and grandpa's everyday then?" (please note not even a MENTION of spending the summer on a farm with mom in another state (something mom brought up in like March...maybe she's starting to realize all of mom's hairbrained schemes don't ever come to fruition?!) Dandelion said no, that she'd still go to grandma and grandpa's for a few weeks of the summer, but that for the most part she'd be going to this camp. We barely got out what kind of things they would be doing at camp and she was all smiles and happy about it. In fact, my parents came over last night to see the nursery and she was a magpie talking NON STOP (like annoying level in a good way excited) and telling them all about camp, etc. We also told her we'd be going to Chicago for a weekend in June which she is also very pumped about. We did a big week long beach vacation last year so this weekend trip will be our "vacation" for the summer. I'm not sure how it's going to go with me waddling down the streets of Chicago, but we'll make it. We're going in June so hopefully it won't be a million degrees there yet...we'll see!! She doesn't even know about her vacation with grandma and grandpa later in the summer so I'm sure she'll be on overload when she finds that out!

On another note she and her friend Mia got into a tiff at school yesterday. I kind of saw this coming but decided not to say anything to prevent it in advance (and I could have) because it wasn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things and it would be a good learning experience for her. So...Mia stayed the night Friday night and brought with her like five different brand new neon colored nail polishes (for those of you not living in 10 year old girl world...neon. is. IT. Everything MUST be neon!!) They didn't end up using them Friday night and Mia forgot the polishes at our house. I saw them in Daisy's room after Mia had left and told her to put them in a ziploc bag to take back to Mia at school on Monday. Well....on Sunday night Daisy asks "can I paint my nails?" Not an unusual request and she does have her own nail polish. We said yes. Well, when she got the newspaper all laid out (we make her take BIG precautions to avoid spills) I saw that she was setting out to paint her nails (each one a different color) using Mia's brand new nail polish that she'd left behind. At first I thought about saying something, but then I though it wasn't a big deal and she might learn something from it. Well, from what I can gather in typical Daisy fashion she went to school yesterday with her (I'm sure coveted by other girls) neon nails and was flaunting them and showing them off and Mia got mad at her because it was HER nail polish Daisy had used without asking her and Mia had not even gotten to use it yet herself. (And yes, I realize in life nail polish is of virutally NO importance, but the overall theme of center of attention, taking something that isn't yours, etc, etc is an important one).

So, she was telling Dandelion about it on the way home last night and I guess didn't see what she'd done wrong so Dandelion explained....what if she'd gotten a new outfit that she absolutely loved and hadn't worn it yet, but left it at Mia's...so Mia wore it to school the next day and was showing it off? She seemed to get it then and thought she would apologize to Mia today. First of all I'm proud of Dandelion for seeing the error in Daisy's ways (it wasn't so long ago that he too (as a guy) would have been clueless that this was undesirable behavior) and second of all I realize what a tough spot Daisy is really in trying to learn social graces at age 10 that other kids learned at age 6. Her mother certainly didn't teach her any and, while Dandelion was a great single dad he didn't teach her those kind of things...they just aren't really things that dads care about that much. And lord knows her grandparents didn't teach them to her because absolutely anything she wants to do is fine with them. At least she seemed to see the error in her actions and was going to apologize. I just hope her friends continue to be patient with her as she learns these things that, for the most part, they already know. It wouldn't be out of line for them to get frustrated with her and/or tired of her crap/walking on them because she doesn't have social skills.

And we did it........

2011-05-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

Midnights are officially over, for this go-round at least!! Woo hoo! We survived. Yesterday I spent literally all day after church in the baby's room painting stripes on the walls and then got the curtains hung up. The stripes took FOREVER and were a total pain in the butt, but were SO worth it. I joked with Dandelion that I don't want the baby's first words to be mama and dada I want them to be "man I really like these stripes in my room..." Dandelion got the crib put together too and it looks really good in there. We hope to get the other furniture moved in that room this week and get our bedroom set delivered (for our room) this weekend!! After that all we need to do is find a rocking chair that I like (that's what my parents are getting me for my shower gift) and find some sort of book and toy shelf/box whatever.

Not much else going on in our world. This is Daisy's last full week of school...it has REALLY snuck up on us this year! She'll start her camp that she's going to the week of Memorial Day (that's the first week camp is offered). We're telling her all about it tonight. I think she'll be excited when she sees all the cool stuff she'll get to do..it really is pretty awesome. They have an orientation one night next week so I think we're going to try to go to that so she can maybe get a little more comfortable with it, etc.

I've got a day off this Friday so my mom and I are going to look for a dress for me for my baby shower! Hard to believe that's in like 3 weeks!! Wish me luck, while maternity clothes have VASTLY improved in recent years...dresses still aren't that great, at least from what I see. I'm hoping to maybe find a regular dress in a bigger size than normal with an empire waist or something that will work for me! We'll see how it goes!

I hope everyone had a good weekend :)

Glad I checked....

2011-05-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Remember me telling you that Daisy had lost her straight A's because of doing not so hot on a quiz and a worksheet in social studies last week. Well, we see the grades online before she actually brings the graded papers home. Last night she brought the graded papers home and in actuality it looked like she'd received an A+ on one and a 97% on the other....far from the D's that had been recorded on the online grade system we check.

Today I emailed the teacher....it was a mistake on her part. The A's were correct. She's got her A back (and now it's actually a pretty high one) in social studies. My guess is Daisy will be pumped!!!! Her english grade is RIGHT on the bubble between A and B and she has a big English test next week. If we can study our butts off I think she might JUST make her goal.........for her sake, I hope so. I'd like to see her set a goal that at the time seemed unattainable, and actually accomplish it!!

Yay!!

2011-05-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

The nursery is getting painted as I speak (or type)!!!!!!! I'm SOOOO excited to get home and see it!!! This weekend we're putting the crib together and hopefully moving our furniture into the nursery so we can get the new furniture delivered for our room!

The painters are just putting the regular coats on the walls and then I'm adding a lime green stripe and an orange stripe horizontally around the middle! The only reason I'm not painting myself is because my balance is already off and I didn't think a ladder was a good idea, but the stripes I can do without a ladder! The bedding came in a couple weeks ago and I just got an email that the curtains are on their way (being delivered to the store)!

So, so, so excited to see everything come together!!!!!!!!!!!

Still Surviving....

2011-05-11T06:20:00.001-07:00

Well, we're half way through the second week of midnights....thank goodness. I'm getting to the "over it" stage of things. In the good news category, Daisy did so well on the project we worked on together last week that the teacher asked to keep her poster to show it to next year's class as an example....she was VERY proud!! However, she's lost her straight A's and I think she's bummed. We can look at her grades online so I looked yesterday and noticed last week (first week of dandelion's midnights) there was a social studies quiz and she didn't do so hot on it....this brought her grade in that class to a B. Last night I asked her about it..."did you have a quiz last week?" "hm, I think so...". When she uses the term "think" it's her way to try to get out of things etc...it's a qualifier for her. For example, if I say "Do you have your homework done?" and I don't get a firm yes, but an "I think so..." I pretty much know that means her homework is NOT done! I told her, well you didn't do great on the quiz and now you've got a B in social studies. That's all I said. Pretty monotone actually too, there was no giveaway on my thoughts on the matter one way or another. But...HER face fell immediately. Because she knew she'd had straight A's before that....I didn't dole out any punishment for it. I could tell that she was disappointed enough in herself for the situation. All A's and a B is still great, but she's had this goal all year and has just missed it every time...I think she'll be bummed with herself if lack of studying for a quiz loses it for her this time!

Also, I can't remember what I've blogged about in regard to this before, but I'm going TODAY to get Daisy signed up for summer camp at our local rec center. Basically, it's child care for older kids that don't want to be in something called "daycare" anymore. I am SOOO pumped we're doing this!! She's still going to spend a few random weeks during the summer with Dandelion's parents (a compromise between Dandelion and I and if you ask me, his way of not having to be the complete "bad guy" with his mom and dad...but whatever), but the majority of the summer she will be at this camp. It's not cheap, but I think it'll be worth it. It's supposedly jam packed with stuff for the kids to do. They swim one day per week, they roller skate, they do tumbling, they make things and every Friday of the summer they go on field trips....water parks, the zoo, museums, etc. I think she'll be apprehensive about it at first, but I think she'll end up loving it. A friend of mine put her kids in it last summer and she said they were begging to go everyday...that it was awesome! This will also keep her from being sedentary all summer and keep her interacting with other kids in a structured environment. After her issues dealing with others this year I think it's better she be in continued contact with kids all summer than with her grandparents and no access to other kids. For lack of a better term, she needs practice interacting and relating in a positive way. If you can't tell, I'm super-pumped about this prospect.

We were supposed to have our re-scheduled hearing about unpaid medical and lawyer bills with Thistle AGAIN last week. And, for the fourth time, it was continued because this time "she had to get teeth pulled that day". Whatever. SOOOOO over her excuses! But anyway, we had thought at that hearing she would ask for summer time with Daisy. But since it didn't happen, she didn't. Now the hearing isn't until July if it even happens then. Our lawyer is of the mind that, even if she does ask for summer time, with her putting off dealing with everything that there is no reason if she asks for something (summer time) she should get it at this point having been so uncooperative on everything else. Not to mention that her life is an utter mess at the moment so a lot of uninterrupted time with Daisy wouldn't be good for her in our (and our lawyer agrees) minds. Last summer, at least for Thistle, she was "stable"...this summer she has no home, no job, no money, and the occassional warrant out for her arrest...not a good place for a kid if we can help it! So, this is the reason we feel comfortable getting signed up for this summer camp now...we have our lawyer's support and know that Daisy will be with us for the summer.

Hopefully it all goes well!!

Week 2!

2011-05-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

Well, we're beginning week 2 of Dandelion's midnight shifts. We're over half way done....YAY!!! This week should be a calmer week...only tumbling to go to and no projects for school and hopefully only the minimal amount of tests/assignments. The school year is winding down so there's not much left. She's currently hanging by a thread onto straight A's so I'm hoping for the poor kid that she can do it this time and not miss it by one point...in one class, like last quarter! She'll be proud of herself if she meets this goal and, of course, we'll be proud of her as well!

Mother's Day was nice. When I woke up Dandelion gave me a gift and a card all from Sweet Pea. It was the cutest little sporty outfit for sweet pea...little shorts and a onesie with the logo of our local MLB team on it!! LOVE IT!! Now the only thing is I gotta find something else to get Dandelion for Father's Day because that had been my plan too :) We went out to lunch with Dandelion's family and then after lunch drinks at a great outdoor bar (I had a alcohol-free concoction thankyouverymuch) with my parents.

Daisy had said her and her mom were going to see a movie that came out a couple weeks ago for mother's day. I wasn't holding my breath. As I thought, they didn't go see the movie because it "wasn't on and is already out on DVD". Of course that wasn't true because the move literally came out in theaters 10 days ago, but whatever...Thistle never does what she says she's going to. I was also encouraged because apparently last week in some of the few minutes Dandelion was around she told him they were making mother's day gifts in school so she asked her teacher if she could have two of them "because i basically have two moms" and the teacher told her no. According to Dandelion Daisy was a littler perturbed with the situation and I can't say that I blame her. She went ahead and gave the gift to her mom, which I don't begrudge her doing in the least. Especially since I usually make sure she has a gift for her mom and in the crazy-ness of last week I honestly completely forgot until it was pick-up time on Friday...so I was grateful she had what she made in class!! I'm not at all mad I didn't get my little annual flower in a paper cup from school, although I do think it's kind of crappy that a child would acknowledge to the teacher that she's got "two moms" and then the teacher would not allow her to make two gifts. There is no way Daisy is the only child in that situation and to ostracize kids that are/make them choose which mom isn't right. Even if we would have needed to send in a couple dollars to cover the cost of the extra flower we totally would have done that just so Daisy felt ok with it all. Oh well, I guess!!

Finally, I just had to go get a professional headshot taken for an industry publication for something through work. Just taken, as in like 20 mins ago. Seriously, getting a professional photo taken when 6 months prego should be illegal. I'm wedged into the last remaining suit that even REMOTELY comes anywhere near fitting...but don't EVEN ask me to button the sucker. Thank goodness for my belly band that's currently holding my pants up.....geesh!!!

1 week down...almost!

2011-05-06T09:33:00.001-07:00

Well, we have just about (knock on wood) made it through the first week of Dandelion on this midnight shift. One week to go!! The good thing is I've been so busy handling everything on my own that the week flew by! Everything has gone as smoothly as possible so far. She did have a math test on Thursday and brought home zero books or notes to study. When I first questioned her she said she didn't bring it home because a.) she thought I should just make up a test for her (having not been in her classroom and not worked on the majority of the homework that would be covered with her) to practice and then when that excuse didn't work that b.) the teacher didn't give her a study sheet. I shot that one down because I told her she had a book and homework papers that she could study that it wasn't the teacher's job to hold her hand and get her through the test. I told her that was ok, I was sure Dandelion would be expecting an A on the test since she apparently knew it well enough to bring nothing home. So the kid got a 105% on the test. Yes, I was happy for the A, but I also don't want her to get too confident in not bringing home study materials because TRUST me...her doing that well without studying is kind of out of character for her! But, if that was the only issue all week (so far) we're in good shape.

I have a kid's event I'm helping organize at church tonight so Thistle will actually have to pick Daisy up from church (she might spontaneously combust). I'm sure she'll LOVE that...but perhaps she'll send someone else to get her...that's what she did last time. I'm kind of glad I'll be in a public setting for the pick up since I'm on my own for it rather than by myself at our house!!

We have nothing much planned for tomorrow and then mother's day lunch planned for Sunday out with our moms. I wonder if I'll feel differently on mother's day this year since I'm expecting my own little one? I doubt it, but next year will undoubtedly be different as we'll have a little man to consider in making our mom's day plans!!!

I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO can't wait to meet him!! Every little one I see I probably look like a stalker because I can't help but watch them. And then, like last night, we went shopping for her dress for the shower (I don't care for it, but she loves it and it's not inappropriate, just not my taste so I guess that's all that matters) and then out to eat and there was this holy terror little boy about 3 or 4 at the restaurant that made me SCARED to have the little guy and made me say a prayer that he'll be better behaved and I'll be able to better handle him than this boy/mom combo...yikes!!

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!! Hope you have a great weekend!!

Why am I not surprised.....

2011-05-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

So....remember WAY, WAY back in January we were supposed to have a court hearing for Thistle having not paid her court ordered portion of Daisy's medical bills and not paying our lawyer fees (since a majority of our lawyer bills are the result of her behaving like a buffoon she was ordered, probably a year ago now, to start paying our court costs as a way to attempt to deter her from her hijinks).

Well, if you don't recall, that hearing has been re-scheduled MANY times since then. One for supposed surgery Thistle was having two days AFTER the hearing in January(yeah, I don't get why surgery after the hearing would result in missing it either, but whatever...), once she was a no-show completely and a warning went out to her via letter from the judge that if she didn't show again she'd have a warrant out for her arrest. Then she got a lawyer for people with little to no income and that lawyer had the next hearing continued so she could get familiar with the case. So, it was re-scheduled for this Thursday.

Got home last night and had a message from our lawyer saying the hearing was a no-go for this week as well because Thistle was having her teeth pulled. First of all, with the amount of teeth she's supposedly had pulled I don't know how there's anything left to actually pull. Secondly, it's not like I believe that excuse anyway. She just doesn't want to face the music of the judge. But it PISSES me off that she can come up with one lame excuse after another and still not have to face the consequences of her actions. It's ridiculous!! No dad would get away with that. Not to mention we want to get counseling ordered and with hearings continuing to be re-scheduled we can't get before the judge. This woman is such a waste of flesh!! And, not that I believe her anyway, but this woman doesn't work...she actually does virtually nothing as far as we know yet these dental appointment MUST be scheduled exactly at the time she's supposed to be in court? Convenient.

I'm sure she doesn't want to go before a judge now because her life is one big mess....yet again. Let her get a man and be stable (thistle's version of stable...meaning been dating someone for a good two weeks and living with him) and she'll be eager as can be to be in front of the judge and play the good little "wife" and mommy role.

Soooooooooooo beyond frustrating!!!

On another note we survived our second night, but WHOA was I wiped out! I had to pick Daisy up from my in-laws, take her to tumbling, work on homework in the car, go get groceries while she was at tumbling, pick her back up, work on more homework in the car, unload groceries when we got home, finish checking her homework, get her in the shower and off to bed. I finally took my heels off for the day at 9:15 when I crashed into bed. Note to self...when playing single stepmom for a busy day like that......wear flats!! Especially when pregnant!

made it!

2011-05-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it through our first evening! I decided instead of fighting with Daisy over doing her project it was best to attempt to motivate her. So....I told her if she could get her project done last night (even though it wasn't due until Thurs) then that would leave our Weds. evening free and I would take her to go get a new dress for the baby shower that Weds. evening. Yes, she could wear a dress she has, but I figured it would be a good motivator. She did work very hard last night. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me Dandelion had run our printer out of ink so we couldn't print her paper or the pictures needed to actually complete her project last night. I printed them off at work today. So, since she worked really hard and her not being able to get it finished was not her own fault we are going to finish the project Weds. evening and still do the shopping trip, but do it Thurs. instead (and cancel dinner out with my parents). I was proud of how hard she worked.

She wrote all of the paragraphs for the paper on notebook paper, we then numbered them and worked together to form an introduction and conclusion. She then typed them all out by herself and I helped her with proofreading/cleanup once she had it all typed. Phew....glad we got that DONE!

Thistle did call our home last night, which I figured she would. There is no doubt that Daisy has told her Dandelion is working midnights this week so I'm sure Thistle had to call and make sure her child was surviving being with "THE STEPMOTHER!!!"....oh, the horror. I know she hated when she called I was nice as pie and said we'd just sat down to eat, would it be alright if Daisy called her just as soon as we were done (can you just HEAR the sugar dripping off my voice). She hesitated, but said ok. What else could she say, with as over the top nice as I was being (just doing it for fun, of course to hear her squirm) she would have looked like the huge bitch that she is had she thrown a fit. And, of course, I made sure Daisy called her AS SOON as dinner was over.

We've got tumbling tonight and finishing her project tomorrow and then apparently we'll be doing a little shopping on Thurs. night for a baby shower dress. So, hopefully this week will go quickly then we can tackle next week!

It does suck, I saw Dandelion for all of 5 minutes this morning....5 minutes of which Daisy was standing two feet away from us staring at us. Keep in mind how needy she is and the fact that she hadn't seen her dad either so she was NOT going to let him out of her sight....sigh! Baby steps.....

A little apprehensive...

2011-05-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a little apprehensive about the next two weeks. You see, Dandelion is on a special midnight shift for the next two weeks. He'll have at least 20 hours of built-in overtime for each of those two weeks so it's like an extra week's pay, actually more than that because he'll be paid time and a half for those extra 40 hours, which is awesome! Especially since I'll be taking a long maternity leave with only a portion of it paid (taking twelve weeks, paid 60% of salary for only four). However....it's a weird midnight shift. He needs to leave for work at 3:30 pm and gets home at 4:30 in the morning. So, he won't be around in the evenings...at all. Leaving me to do ALL the "child rearing" for the next two weeks with Daisy.

To make me feel better about my (of course, unvoiced publicly) apprehension, Daisy chose to pout last night that her daddy would be working evenings leaving her "stuck" with me. Why thank you, Daisy. To top that off she's got a project due this Thursday on which she's being typical Daisy and bascially refusing to try. She expects someone to basically do it for her....she'll see how far that flies with me. It won't. Last night she sat in front of the computer for over an hour when she was supposed to be "researching". She got nothing accomplished, even with dandelion's help to guide her through google, etc. It pisses me off when she acts like that. She was bragging over dinner about being able to do her back flip on the trampoline so we took the opportunity to remind her that yes, that was wonderful. But if she took the opportunity to work as hard on her project as she did on her backflip then perhaps she'd be successful at her project as well. She didn't appreciate the comparison in the least. Luckily, we've got tonight to work on the project, gymnastics tomorrow night, Wednesday evening to finish up the project, and then to give me a "break" from full-time single stepparenting we're going out to eat with my parents on Thursday evening and she'll go to her mom's Friday evening for the weekend. Then we'll repeat it all next week except she'll be with us for the weekend and then Dandelion will be done with his midnights!!

I can do it, I'm just NOT looking forward to it in the least...........

Sometimes there's a glimmer.....

2011-04-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

So, I usually take Daisy to tumbling with Dandelion, but I didn't go last night. Thistle called our house for Daisy during tumbling time....you know, the same time her kid has been in tumbling for the last NINE months, but she still calls her at home during that time, but whatever, I digress.

So I texted Dandelion to have Daisy call her mom back on the way home. She did and Dandelion said it was an interesting conversation. He said they were on the phone a short time and he couldn't here what Thistle was claiming on the phone, but that Daisy in a "wtf are you talking about" voice said in response to whatever Thistle claimed...."you didn't do that...." "No, mom, you didn't do that....." "NO YOU DIDN'T!" "ok, mom, if say so but I don't remember that... (this one in a really patronizing voice)" "Alright, mom, I gotta go now..." He said there was no "need" for Daisy to get off the phone, it was like she was just done with whatever crap her mom was spewing and didn't want to talk to her anymore....not to mention that it appeared (through the one-sided version of the conversation that Dandelion heard) that Daisy was questioning one of her mom's stories. You may or may not know that Thistle ROUTINELY makes claims that are not true or will try to manufacture these "memories" for Daisy....the thing is, Daisy used to buy them hook, line, and sinker. Not that I want her to argue with her mom, but it's nice to get a glimpse that she's starting to see through her mom's crap and use her own mind instead of her mother manipulations!!

I'm no psychologist, but I wonder if that isn't part of the root of Daisy's problems lately? The lying, the sneaking, the cheating on the test........is it possible the bloom is starting to come off the mommy rose? Perhaps with this latest homeless, jobless, worthless stint of Thistle's, Daisy's getting old enough to see what a mess it all is and isn't perhaps dealing with/reacting to it all that well? Not to mention this is the first time that Thistle's life has fallen apart and Daisy (by virtue of now living with us) hasn't really been a part of it. They're not doing the "we're in this together" thing that Thistle's tried to do with her child in the past....they're not in this together. Other than every other weekend, this time Thistle's life falling apart has had little to no impact on Daisy's day to day life. Is she old enough to start seeing that? Obviously, she's not old enough to grasp all the meaning, etc, but old enough to realize something's different, at least!

Hm...

Good weekend!!

2011-04-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

This post is going to skip around a bit....

Well, we got all registered for Sweet Pea this weekend. My husband is like a little kid when he gets bored and I have to say he did pretty well only starting to get pissy towards the end of the last store...does it sound like I'm talking about a kid? Haha! It was a bit overwhelming as far as ALL the stuff they have available for babies. I had a brief moment of "oh my gosh I don't know what I'm doing my kid will not survive..." when I realized how much stuff there was, but I got over it!

My parents got Daisy a trampoline (with the caveat it HAD to have a cage/net around it) for Easter so we got that put up yesterday and surprised Daisy with it when she got home from visiting her mom. To say she was thrilled wourld be a HUGE understatement. She loved it!! Way to spoil her, grandma and grandpa. Easter was good all in all and I may/may not have just enjoyed a piece of breakfast cheesecake leftovers ; ). I brought the cheesecake and another cake into work so that maybe I'd only eat ONE piece and have my co-workers help instead of chowing down on the whole pan at home....hopefully it works out that way!

On a sad/scary note, my college/after college (most serious other than Dandelion and yes, we are on good terms...consider each other friends....I never did the "bad" breakup thing) boyfriend and his wife were due with a baby just a couple weeks before Sweet Pea is due and they had her this weekend. So scary and she's so tiny......has to be in the NICU for months, she was three months early. I'm praying for their little girl, so join in if you're so inclined...I'm sure she can use all the prayers she can get.

Changing subjects again, Daisy got NOTHING from her mom for Easter....not even a basket!! I mean seriously, you could get a cheap basket and some candy at the dollar store if you needed to! And I'll bet you she had cigarettes last week!!! I just don't get it....it's like Thistle has completely given up...she used to try to (or it seemed like it) make up for her lack of parenting with doing/buying "stuff". But she's just stopped! She also said her mom was "sick" over the weekend...shocker! We knew something was up because Thistle sent her younger sister to pick Daisy up on Friday. Typical...make a holiday weekend ALL about you, lady. But seriously, I don't know if the woman is depressed and has just completely shut down or what, but it's bizarre and different. Different scares me, I know how to deal with crazy, typical Thistle. Different Thistle, is like a snake in the grass!

And then finally, Daisy brings home her graded papers every week. She brought them home last week, but we didn't get to go through them until last night. She got marked off on a TEST for cheating!!! Lovely. She apparently went to ask the teacher a question and decided while she was up there to look off the answers to a paper that someone had already turned in and she got caught. How wonderful. The teacher only marked off the ones she copied (how she determined which ones were copied, I have no idea)but told Daisy next time she'd get a zero for the whole test. Dandelion and I are discussing how to handle it. I'm also a little po'd the teacher didn't mention it to us ESPECIALLY when I was IN the freaking classroom last week for the Easter party. Oh well. We equate cheating in the same vane as lying, sneakiness. WHAT is with this kid?! Why does she choose these routes? Last time she got grounded for five days for sneakyness and lying. So we talked about upping it to 7 for this cheating. But Dandelion wants to still punish her, but kind of "reward" her for telling us the truth because his thing was she could have ripped up that assignment or thrown it away and we never would have known about the cheating. So....I don't know yet what we're going to do to handle it.......any suggestions?

Growing up too fast....or wanting to!

2011-04-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

Lord, this child wants to grow up as FAST as she possibly can, I swear!! She is on Easter break and my parents asked if she could stay the night last night and then they'd just keep her today while we were at work. Sure, no problem. Last night I was helping her pack up her stuff so I was going through her sock drawer to get a pair out.....and found a "stash" of panty liners and used wrappers of liners.

I assure you, she is in no need of these at this point in time. She isn't even in need of bras yet, but wears them to fit in with her friends. Are some of her friends in need of panty liners? I would bet so...and if not, based on their developing I would say they will be soon. These were not my panty liners. First of all, she doesn't go in our bathroom and second of all they weren't something I have around the house. I held them up and casually said, "what's this?" Not accusatory, not pissed off, nothing...just asking. Her first instinct, as per usual.......lie! She looked up and said, "Hm, I don't know....just pieces of plastic maybe? Not sure where they came from." Lied like it was nobody's business...didn't even look nervous. So, I calmly (proud of me for not getting pissy because I knew this was a delicate subject and didn't want to "traumatize" her about it) said, "Daisy, look at me...honesty please....where'd you get these?" "Under the bathroom sink at grandma's..........." cue pout...look down at the ground.

We only had about 5 minutes before my mom was going to pick her up so I didn't want to get into the big period talk then. So, I just said "Daisy, do you know what these are used for?" She claimed she did not. I told her they go in your underwear, but that I was pretty sure she wasn't at a point to need them right now and that we could talk about all that sometime, but right then wasn't a good time. I then mentioned that taking them from grandma's without permission and sneaking them around wasn't the right way to handle things and that if she had questions or needed something she could come and ask. I then gave her the example of her bras and her deodorant which she asked for and we dealt with and got for her. She said ok. I took the pantyliners and put them in my vanity.

I guess in the grand scheme of things her trying to use these isn't a big deal, but I'm worried about the hygiene of it. If she's only "stealing" a couple at a time, but wants to wear them all the time is she wearing the same one over and over again taking it from one pair of underwear to another? Gross, if so! Or if she leaves them in her undies and they go through the washer and dryer I don't want them to cause a big mess in that regard.

Not to mention, it's just more sneakiness. I just don't understand it and nothing we do seems to change it. She lies and sneaks about everything and then Dandelion wonders why I'm inherently un-trusting of her? How can I not be. Of course he wants to see the best in her and assume she's always being honest and telling the truth...he's got the parent blinders on. I don't. I see how often she sneaks and lies to us....basically ANYTIME she wants to do something that she, for whatever reason, thinks she won't be able to do....she sneaks/lies about it. How can I trust her? And WHAT is with this all out OBSESSION with growing up so darn fast? I definitely don't get that. I've told you before that I cried when my mom made me get a bra. Why rush this? It scares me for her teenage years.........is she going to be smoking, drinking, doing drugs, doing inappropriate things with boys in order to be more "grown up"?

So freaking frustrating!!!!!!!!!

We basically just left the conversation go at that point because, like I said, we had about 5 minutes. I guess I need to have the period talk with her now sometime soon. Oh joy!

UGH!!!

I just worry for her future so much when lying is SUCH an automatic for her. And I can't help but compare it to Thistle who lies about everytime she opens her mouth.....is she heading down her mother's path?

Easter Partay.....

2011-04-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

So I left work early yesterday and went to the Easter Party for Daisy's class to help out. It went well and the kids were miraculously well-behaved. I've gone to these parties before and chaotic would typically be an understatement!

As a full-time stepmom I have to look for small things to give me validation, I guess. I know this had nothing to do with me personally and that the kids just like to feel like they "know" the adults that come in their classroom. But when I walked in I got a ton of "Hi, Tulips!!!" from just about every girl in the class. This is because we've been rather active in Daisy's social life and attend events, have kids over, have parties, etc. But it made me feel good because I realized it's little stuff like that that proves who's doing the real work in this parenting situation. Half of them wouldn't even know Thistle if they saw her and here they were calling me by name and giving me hugs (albeit they were sweaty, just starting to smell and not yet wearing deodorant 4th grade hugs, but I'll take it ;)

It's the little things in life, right?

Hm...

2011-04-20T09:00:00.001-07:00

I seem to have a little foot or hand wedged in my ribcage..........I'll take it though!

Love this boy so much already!!

Good so far...

2011-04-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

Had another doctor appointment last night. Sweet Pea and I are still doing well. I'm 24 weeks and the nurse said I've gained twelve pounds altogether so far. She said that was good. I had been a little nervous because several people over the past two weeks have said stuff like "wow, your belly's really big!!" or "he's really sticking out there!" so I was worried that I'd gained too much, but I guess I've just "popped" and people are noticing.

The doctor was laughing trying to get the baby's heartbeat...he kept getting hints of it but he said the baby was moving around so much that he couldn't get a confidently accurate heartrate. He thought it was about 150 bpm. I think the exact words were "that kid is moving like CRAZY in there!!" Yay, glad he's healthy! Hopefully this doesn't predict how hyper he is in the future though. What I did NOT share with the doc is that about 15 minutes before I left work for my appointment I had a little slice of ice cream cake because it was someone's last day. So I think the baby was on a sugar buzz ; )

Tomorrow is Daisy's Easter party at school so I'm taking the afternoon off to go to her party and help out. She seems to like having a person that is "hers" in her classroom for these events so I try to do them if my work schedule allows. It's usually crazy chaotic, but the kids seem to have fun so I guess that's what matters. She's then on Easter break for Thurs, Fri, and Monday. She's staying the night with my parents on Thurs. night and spending the day with them on Friday, which she's pumped about! Then she'll go to her mom's for the weekend and return (supposedly) to our house on Sunday evening as usual. Hopefully that all goes smoothly! Sometimes when a holiday is thrown in, Thistle can get extra cantakerous, but who knows.

Hello, Monday!

2011-04-18T06:17:00.001-07:00

Well, it's Monday again. I got all my cupcakes done for the weekend and they turned out really cute. I did monogram piped chocolate cake toppers for them and I LOVED that look...they were adorable!!! Glad I had this to do on Saturday because our weather here royally sucked....it was like 40 degrees and rainy. YUCK! But then yesterday was gorgeous and we had my extended family Easter celebration that we were able to enjoy outside...woohoo!

We also finally found the bedroom set we'd been looking for for our room. As you'll recall Sweet Pea is getting our current set (plus a crib to match) and we decided to get us a new set. Our current stuff is small in stature and only about 5 years old, but was pretty inexpensive as it was my first "on my own" purchase when I bought a house five years ago. It'll actually be perfect furniture for a kid! However, we'd been having trouble finding something we just really loved for our room. On a fluke we ran into a furniture store on Saturday and found "it". So we bought it! It's a local, family owned store so they do free delivery and set up...woohoo! And offered to hold it in their warehouse until we're ready for it...another bonus. Because we still need to get the furniture out of the baby's room that's in there now (a hodge podge of collected stuff), clean the carpets, preferably paint (so we're painting and empty room instead of one filled with furniture), and then move our current furniture into Sweet Pea's room before our room is ready for new furniture. That's the one thing I love about local shopping...they're so accomodating. They were like "our warehouse is huge, just leave it there and a call us a week before you want it and we'll get it delivered for you!" AWESOME!!

Daisy did pretty well with her clothes over the weekend. Only once did she try to go somewhere wearing "play" clothes and seemed utterly confused when I told her she needed closet clothes. Please...other "mothers" of children this age, please tell me that it's not just our kid who is sometimes/most of the time like talking to a brick wall/banging your head against it. I know/hope it's just the age, but oh my gosh.....sometimes I feel like I should draw diagrams to explain the simplest stuff to her because she'll just look at me dumbfounded like, "huh?!?!........" I swear there's a brain in there somewhere............or at least I hope there is!!

We've got a quiet week this week so I'm hoping to get lots of cleaning done around our house and get to work on clearing out the baby's soon-to-be room. We won't have Daisy this weekend so we have Easter lunch with Dandelion's family and then supper will be at our house this year (though my mom is bringing the food to us, I'm only doing a couple sides...thanks, mom!). She would be hosting it, but with Daisy getting home (supposedly) at 6 (aka right in the middle of dinner time) it's just easier to be at our house than have to leave wherever we're at to meet Thistle.

This coming Saturday Dandelion and I are going to register for the baby! Wow...totally overwhelmed on what I actually need to register for. I've found a few comprehensive lists on line that seem helpful! We have to get registered because my shower invites are going out already the first week of May...wow!!....for a June shower. Can't believe it! We wanted to specifically go on a weekend we did not have Daisy because she would want us to register for like 1,000 stuffed animals or something. Not to mention, I think we deserve to have some of this that is just about Dandelion and I and this is one of those things!

Well, better do some work...hope you all had a good weekend!

Ahhhhhhh......peace (for now!)

2011-04-15T06:29:00.001-07:00

I implemented the new closet strategy last night in Daisy's room. Play clothes are in her drawers and school/out to eat/family gathering clothes are in her closet! It's also much more organized. Her closet had gotten to the point that you couldn't even slide one door because something was blocking it and her drawers were atrocious! She thanked me for organizing it all and I also used the opportunity to do some purging. There were t-shirts from age 6 still in her drawers so I threw out a lot of those. I know for a fact I uncovered some clothes she forgot she even had!

This morning it was raining and cool and she walked out in shorts and a t-shirt (from her closet) and I didn't say a thing. Yes, it's only supposed to be about 60 degrees today, but she's bound and determined to wear shorts everyday so maybe the best thing is to let her be cold one day and then she'll make better decisions. It was so nice not to have to tussle over clothes this morning, that's for sure!! Let's hope it continues!

I'm pumped because in the closet clothes I only included like three pairs of sweatpants...all that are part of matching nicer sweatsuits (hoodie style) instead of all the nappy ones she would try to wear everyday to school (those are now relegated to the "play" drawers....YAY!!!!)

I've got cupcakes for a wedding shower to do tonight and in the morning. I like doing cupcakes, they're fairly simple really and look so cute when they're done. I'm making piped chocolate toppers to go on top of them so I think they'll turn out nicely. We have my dad's family (my aunts, uncles, cousins) get together for Easter this Sunday so that'll be nice to see everyone too. All in all should be a nice weekend! I hope yours is too!

Rambling....

2011-04-13T06:18:00.001-07:00

1.) It's finally consistently warm enough that I've been walking every evening! I feel so good doing that...and like it might counteract the ~~daily~~ occassional poptart!

2.) Sitting for long periods of time has begun making my tailbone hurt. Guess what I do the majority of the day at work? Yep...sit. My pregnancy books tell me this is normal and I could use a donut pillow.....well isn't that nice? Then everyone at work can assume I have some rectal issues, sounds lovely.

3.) My "chesticles" have reached mammoth proportions. Dandelion is very amused, my bra budget is not!

4.) Thanks to Amy and then Sharon I've got a new system I'm waiting to implement (on an evening she's not home) with Daisy's clothing so she a.) no longer looks like a bum when we go out places and b.) doesn't have to come to me EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. cautiously asking "is this outfit ok?" FYI, I'm pretty sure when she has to ask...she knows said outfit is actually NOT ok.

5.) We heard from Poison Oak's ex again. He received his divorce papers from Thistle. The woman is so pathetic/petty/was married such a short time they acquired so little that her big "requests" in the divorce are the dog and a camera. Really. I wouldn't give her the dog, but I'd hand her that camera so fast it'd make her head spin just to get her out of my life! Dandelion says this is tyipcal...during their divorce her big request was for a shower curtain.....seriously. Additionally, she said the bad check deal is still in the works. So far Thistle has written four forged checks off of Poison Oak's account and Poison Oak has been busy collecting all that info from his bank and is supposed to meet with our district attorney the first time he comes down here for divorce proceedings (remember, we are hours away from him and he still has no license). Needless to say...I don't see ANY of this moving quickly!

6.) Movements from Sweet Pea have gone from flutters to full on punches and jabs, but I love it! Except I'm considering buying some depends (j/k) because occassionally he hits what I'm guessin is my bladder and I go from not having to pee to "OH MY GOD I MUST PEE RIGHT NOW!!!!!" in about 5 seconds flat after receiving one of these jabs. I just can't wait to meet him though I'm still not allowing myself to think about the whole process of actually giving birth. I'm just NOT going there.

I think that's about it! Enjoy my ramblings ; )

Food and Clothing...

2011-04-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Weird title for a post, but that's what I'm going to talk about today. And yes, some of the stuff I blog about might seem mundane or even petty, but I blog out my frustrations with stepmotherhood and sometimes the mundane things, built up over time, can be JUST as stressful/annoying/aggravating as the big blowups with Thistle.

Let's start with food. So, we all know Daisy stays with my in-laws after school for an hour or so. Well, remember they're older. They eat dinner early. Like 4 or 4:30 early. On Tuesdays we've told her to go ahead and eat with grandma and grandpa...she's got tumbling and with homework and everything it's easier if she eats there. On Wednesdays she's got a church thing, but is home by 7 so we've told her she CAN eat out there, but we'll also be having a family meal AFTER church and we'd prefer her to eat with us, but it's not a huge deal if she doesn't. Well, lately she's started this new "pick and choose" thing that's driving me nuts. As in if grandma and grandpa eat when she's there and she likes something they're having she'll have "a little of that" (on any night, not just on the okayed by us Tues and Weds) or she'll come home from her mom's on Sunday evening (and we always wait until she gets home for dinner because who knows what she's eaten) and have eaten say Ramen Noodles for "dinner" or this week it was yogurt and a piece of lunch meat...nice. I don't know how to explain it. So she'll claim she's not hungry (on both return from mom nights and nights she's grazed at grandma and grandpa's) and isn't eating dinner, I'll make enough food for hubby and I and then lo and behold she sees what we're having and wants some of it. Well...I'm over it. I'm tired of not getting to finish a whole pork chop because Daisy wants some so I feel obligated to cut off a portion of mine to give her. Or not being able to take a second helping of a side dish because I made enough for two people because Daisy said she wasn't eating and then is miraculously hungry because what we have looks good.

Or like Sunday, she got home from her mom's and said "yes, I've had dinner" which then turned out to be the above mentioned yogurt and a piece of lunch meat. So I'm getting ready to start making an actual dinner and she asks hubby "can we order a pizza?" Well, wait a minute? You weren't hungry five seconds ago and have no interest in what I'm cooking for dinner....but her highness wants us to order a pizza and PAY for dinner and THEN she'll grace us with her presence? I don't think so...again, I'm over it!

So, she did this Sunday when she got back and the neighbor's grandson came over and asked if she could go out and play. We told her she could, but that dinner was in 20 minutes and if she didn't eat with us when we ate then the next meal would be breakfast on Monday. Not a specially made grilled cheese or PB & J for her at 8 o'clock or something. She looked at us a little startled like we were evil (what's new?) but chose to go out and play. She never did ask for a snack or anything after she came in so she must have got that we were serious. So, last night she grazed at grandma and grandpa's. So we sat down for a family meal which ended up just being Dandelion and I eating because again she wasn't hungry. We made her sit with us though. I had only heard through Dandelion that she'd eaten there so I asked "how come you're not eating tonight, Daisy?" And the answer......OH MY GOSH....I was so pissed with this princess-y answer...."Because Daddy (in her "he's mine" voice) said I could eat at their house anytime I wanted to! (with the tone of....so stay out of it, bitch)" I just glared at my husband who quickly said "Daisy, that's not exactly what I said...I told you Tuesdays and Wednesdays were fine and that the point was I "didn't care" if you ate at their house...that it wasn't about the eating, it was that on nights we can have meals together we like to and you don't participate." But you know Daisy, she only heard "I don't care if you eat out there whenever you want to, Queen Daisy" and took him at his supposed word....and then of course her eating out their when she wasn't supposed to could be HIS fault....because nothing is ever HER fault!

I didn't even delve into the princessy, bratty nature of her "daddy said" comment with either her or Dandelion because she would have just glared at me and he would have (being a guy) not even realized how nasty her little snide comment had been. But I was done for the rest of the night...went in our room and watched a movie that I wanted to watch that no one else in our house would like anyway.

Daisy was in heaven with this because I was out of the room and she could have daddy to herself. She asked him to put her hair in rollers for school....yes, she asks HIM to do this. Which he does and honestly....what a great dad? My dad was/is awesome and I can assure you he never once put rollers in my hair. But, first of all, the little orphan annie curls they produce were cute when she was 6, but look a bit ridiculous at 10, but whatever. So now the clothes issue...she's got her hair all curly and "fancy" this morning and walks out for school in sweatshirt material shorts that are far too big (I do alot of off-season clearance shopping. I bought shorts for like $2 a piece last fall in one size up, but she didn't grow as much over the winter so they don't fit yet)and some ratty old t-shirt that is getting too short and is faded. Why in the heck was it worth getting your hair curled if you're going to look like a raggamuffin for school? And this is everyday. The child has plenty of cute/trendy clothes (and it's not that they're too cutesy for her with bows and crap...we're talking peace signs, neon...the stuff that's "in") yet everyday it seems she tries to find the rattiest, nappiest outfit she can of sweatpants or "play" shorts and assorted t-shirts. I typically don't say anything except for days like this morning when it was just REALLY bad and looked like her shorts were going to fall off of her. But I'm so sick of seeing her look like a slob. We try to provide a nice life for her and she wants to look like she put on whatever was wadded up in the corner for the past three years!!!

This issue is one of those things where we just don't mesh. I've explained that I"m into looking neat and professional and maybe even stylish...I don't know. I think it's so easy to make a good impression, you never get a second chance to do that! So, I'm not necessarily saying everything must be expensive, but I just like things to look neat. She's got plenty of clothes from Target and other places like that, I just wish she had a little pride in her own appearance once in a while!! I feel like hubby and I always look nice and when the baby comes he'll be dressed appropriately and then we'll have this 11 year old homeless looking kid trailing behind us! I try to tell myself it reflects on her and not on me as a "mother", but UGH....it drives me nuts!

Ok, I know this is a ranty post and I apologize. I don't know what the deal is lately. I'm in a MUCH (like exponentially) better mood than I was the very beginning of my pregnancy, but this Daisy stuff is just grating on me. I think part of it is she's probably feeling insecure so is ramping things up and I get that. Dandelion talks to my belly and rubs it when I get home asking how his little boy was today? And I'm sure she doesn't like that, but you know what...he asks her how her day was everyday too when he first sees her too, maybe she just sees it as different for some reason. I guess because she's used to getting ALL the attention! And for ONCE I would just like there not to be some dramatic "issue" with Daisy. I mean seriously, can't just ONE THING with this kid be easy? Apparently not!

Another Monday!

2011-04-11T06:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a nice weekend! Friday night I worked on cakes and the ones I had for this weekend turned out really cute so I was happy about that. Daisy went off to her mom's and got dropped back off without a hitch. She claims they did nothing this weekend, which is probably true. And honestly, she didn't come back with any piercings, tattoos, or hair dye....so that's a successful weekend in our book!

Saturday my husband had to work which is unusual for a Saturday, but it will be overtime which is always a bonus! I finished up cake stuff Saturday morning and then Lilac and I took a nice nap in the afternoon. That night our church had a dinner fundraiser that we attended and we even went on a walk in town with our little Lilac. It was H.O.T here this weekend! Like 90 degrees! Mind you, last Monday I wore my winter coat to work....this weather is nuts! I did make it through the first HOT weekend, pregnant with no swelling! And we spent time outside both days so I was encouraged. My mom says she swelled pretty badly while pregnant with me so I've been nervous! We had severe storms both early Saturday morning and early this morning with hail and the whole thing, though I know some areas of the US got it alot worse than we did!

On Sunday my husband and I went to the nearby Big City and bummed around and it was GREAT! We ate lunch at a sidewalk cafe and looked in cute little shops...we don't get a lot of days like that that are just us so we treasure the ones we do! We also go to thinking that this time next year a day like that will include a little stroller parked next to our sidewalk table! We're getting SO pumped for this little guy to arrive!!!

Today it's back to rain and cooler....65. I don't know about you, but I find it so hard to get out of bed on a Monday morning when it's rainy...perfect kind of day to sleep in! I wish! Although sleeping in for me (with my very rigid internal clock) is like 7:15 anyway.

I don't know much else really. It's been pretty quiet around here lately and I like it that way. I just realized this whole post was pretty boring and just an intinerary of my weekend.....oh well!

I try...

2011-04-07T11:39:00.001-07:00

not to get political on my blog, though politics is one of my passions. But I've just gotta say.........this transparent ploy by Donald Trump to (in my opinion, falsely) "throw his hat in the ring" for president....makes me sick.

This is the highest office in the land, the leader of the "free world", our commander in chief. It is NOT some reality show competition. Guarantee you the second his latest season of the Apprentice is over he will be finished with his so-called "candidacy". The most pathetic part is the apparently large number of people that see him as legitimate thus ranking him SECOND in current polling amongst other potential Republican candidates.

Ok, sorry for venting and sorry if I offended you if you are a person that supports Donald Trump for president. I, however, don't think there's anything in my above statement that attacks either Republicans or Democrats....it's more attacking Trump for making a mockery of such an important office. (And yes, I know arguments could be made that plenty of other politicians have made mockeries of it before....I don't agree with those people doing it either!)

So Encouraged............

2011-04-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

So....I'm trying not to be a "stage mom" here, but I was encouraged by a conversation with Daisy last night and felt like sharing. Daisy has never been very athletic (at all...it's sometimes painful to watch the attempts at baseball/soccer) and the times when she has tried (city leage softball, soccer, various sports camps) it's been a mess because we'd take her on our time and then her mom would refuse to let her participate (of course claiming Daisy didn't "want to" and we were forcing her to) on her visitation time and the poor kid would be lost and fall way behind the other girls because she missed half of everything. It never worked out well.

As a solution, and so the kid didn't have nothing to be a part of, when we got her the majority of the time we signed her up for tumbling because the practices/recitals were during the week so we never had to worry about mom not taking her on her weekends. However, as Daisy is getting older there will soon be school sponsored activities she could participate in. One being cheerleading....she could try out a year from now for jr. high cheerleading to a be a 6th grade member of the squad. It's something I think she'd really excel at especially since she has an edge having been a part of tumbling. We are a bit worried though that mom will discourage it because a.) cheerleading is preppy and mom is anything, but and 2.) because she doesn't want Daisy to "belong" in our community/school and if she was a part of cheerleading she would have something tying her there, and 3.) it's something we support and she automatically disagrees with everything we want to do.

So, Daisy had tumbling last night and I took the opportunity to ask the tumbling facility person what kind of special classes they could offer for a girl wanting to pursue cheerleading. They told me that we could start her this coming fall (in preparation for spring try-outs)in what they call cheer tumbling. They still do tumbling, but also focus on builds, etc that are specific just to cheerleading. So, on the way home I mentioned it to Daisy saying that she has some time to think about it, but that if she even though she MIGHT be interested in trying out for cheerleading that in the fall we should probably switch over to cheer tumbling (in my head I was mentally crossing my fingers that she'd want to participate just because I want her to be involved in SOMETHING at school). She asked me a few questions about it and said yes, she thought she'd like to do that because she thought she'd like to try out for cheerleading!!!! I'm SOOOOOOO excited, but trying not to be too over the top because I know kids don't want to do things if their parents get too pushy about it! I think this could be really good for her and be a good self-esteem booster.

I hate to go overboard, but with how crappy some portions of Daisy's life are I want her to have the best shot possible to make it when she tries out. I think it would be good for her. Hubby and I talked and, assuming she still wants to participate, in the fall we'll switch her one night per week tumbling class to cheer tumbling and then probably after Christmas we'll pick up another night of regular tumbling (don't want to do too much too soon and burn her out, but picking up that extra night after first of the year would give her extra practice leading up to try-outs). I also have a family friend (high school age) who is a cheerleader in my hometown who would be willing to work with Daisy during/around tryout time to help her individually as (at least the way I remember from being on poms in HS) you don't get a lot of individual help during tryout practices.

I know that sounds like an over the top mom, but she has so little that she's "into" I just want to give her the best shot possible....do you think that's wrong? (And obviously we'll only be doing this if Daisy actually wants to, I won't push her into it). I guess when I think about it I don't see what we're talking about as being much different than people pouring time and money into select baseball or extra golf lessons if their kid wants to play on the hs golf team. Gosh, I just hope her mom doesn't find a way to manipulate her out of something she seems to want to do and I know she'd be good at!!! I also need to temper myself a bit because I feel it Thistle knows I'm a little pumped or "into" this she will even more want to discourage Daisy because she won't want us to have something to bond over....

Beyond disgusted right now....

2011-04-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

This post has NOTHING to do with stepmotherhood, but I'm so disturbed. We live in a rural area, why this is bugging me so much probably has to do with a little thing called hormones. However, 10 minutes ago on my way to work I had to maneuver around HALF a deer dead in the road. It was very new....there was a semi truck pulled over that was obviously the culprit. Deer get hit a lot around here, it happens. But since it was semi that hit it, this one was especially brutal. Came across the front half first and a little ways down the road was the back half......and laying with it was a little fetus......deer here have their babies in May. It's burned into my brain. I'm usually tougher than this about this stuff....as in, I've been hunting with my dad and grandpa growing up. But seeing that little unborn baby lying on the road has my stomach rolling and me almost in tears this morning. Pregnancy does strange things to me!!!!!!!! Ugh!

It's official....

2011-04-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

Mommy Dearest has filed for divorce. We're not surprised! I can't remember if I've blogged this, but we found out a week or so ago that she got "accepted" to be represented by a law agency that takes people with no money as clients. You should see the website....basically it's all about how their clients are such victims, blah, blah, blah....right down Thistle's alley. How if you're a victim of domestic violence or have lost custody due to "circumstances outside your control" they will take you on. I hate that my tax dollars are undoubtedly supporting this. Are there women that could probably legitimately use this service...YES...definitely!! Is she one of them? Hardly. The woman's not low income...she just refuses to get a job while writing bad checks to anyone she can. I can't imagine how many lies she had to tell in order to qualify for this service. So anyway, now that she's got free legal representation she's all about court again. She's filed this attorney as her new representation on our on-going case and has now filed for divorce. Of course she filed. You see, when Dandelion divorced her he kicked her out of his home (he owned it on his own...not her name) and filed for divorce. This woman was NOT about to let that happen again. Not to mention it really messes up her story that she was a victim of abuse....because not many abusers leave their wives, it's typically the other way around. So now she can totally play the victim. She can claim "she left Poison Oak" even though the version we heard was that he walked out two months ago after she lost yet another job and started hitting him when he got on her about losing the job and hasn't spoken to her since. So, she'll claim she was a huge victim. Can't wait to hear it. Though, I'm sure she'll think being the "victim" makes her look good for our case. But I'd beg to differ. My guess is the judge will not take kindly to the fact that she moved hours away with a man she'd known for two weeks WITH her daughter and then married him, staying married for only a matter of months and he was totally abusive yet she had her daughter in that situation. Proves everything we said right (even though we know most likely she wasn't abused) that her life is unstable and Daisy has no place being a regular part of it! Here's the part I'm dreading. I KNOW in my gut she will change her name back to Dandelion's last name under the guise that "that way it's the same as Daisy's". How pathetic. It has nothing to do with Daisy. I think you should have to ask permission of the original "owner" of the name in order to do something like that. Who in the heck takes back their ex husband from a decade ago name (when you were only married a year) especially when the man has now, for years, been happily married to someone else?! Not to mention....I've blogged this awhile ago, but before she married Poison Oak she randomly started going by some new made up "nickname" (that no one has ever called her before) that was ONE letter away from mine.....like if my name was Jane and her new nickname was Jake (I know that's not a girl's name, but I can't think of two that rhyme right now for some reason)........creepy! That paired with our last name makes her come up anytime anyone searches for me on google or on facebook....it's just so stalker-ish it's beyond creepy to me!!

It's Monday....

2011-04-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Not one of my favorite days of the week, but it'll do ; ) Yesterday it was near 90 here....tonight there is a freeze warning. Our weather usually has some swings, but this is getting a bit ridiculous!! We had a good weekend all-in-all. Friday night/saturday morning I worked on a cake (NOT a Toy Story cake....thank goodness), Saturday we went shopping for bedroom furniture for us (baby is getting our current furniture) and Daisy bought herself a new pair of shoes. She's got shoes, so we weren't into buying her new ones. She wanted some uber fancy tennis shoes that we told her she was more than welcome to purchase with her own money. So...she spent all but $6 of money she had saved up on her new tennis shoes. She is very proud of them and I'm glad she's feeling the weight of having purchased them herself. It's amazing how much more she values things when she buys them. We've got to do something about her general incessant-ness though. I'm going to go nuts. I have recently blogged about this, so I'm sorry for the repeat. Instant gratification could be her middle name....or at least instantly needing to know what she wants to know. Friday night Dandelion was working a fundraiser for the volunteer organization he is a part of. We were all there as a family for awhile helping and then I came home and he wanted me to bring Daisy along. So I did. He was going to finish up the fundraiser and then help with the cleanup. There was no set time for him to be home except "whenever they got done" sort of thing. Good Lord. Daisy asked me in various ways when he was coming home several times (and she needed nothing...she just wanted him home) until I finally snapped at her that asking different ways wasn't going to change my answer that I didn't know when he'd be home and that he'd be there when he got there. Cue her sulking her way to her room because the evil stepmom got snippy. It had nothing to do with the fact that she'd asked me 1 million times (and every other time dad isn't home she asks me then too). Or gum (yes, something so ridiculous)....my husband was backing out of our driveway the other day and she said "Dad, can I have a piece of gum (he keeps gum in the car)". He was looking over his shoulder backing out...clearly occupied. We got to the end of the driveway and she says "Dad...I said can I have a piece of gum." He's like, exasperated, "Daisy...I will get you the gum....can you not tell I'm in the middle of something? Gum is not life or death!" Or last night.....we went to a church picnic in the mid afternoon...hubby and I ate hamburgers around 3:30 or 4. Daisy chose not to eat and to play instead. So, when we got home at 5 she started asking "what are we having for supper?" 5:30, "when's supper?" "Have you decided what we're having yet?" "Can I have a cookie?" I wanted to scream that she should have eaten when everyone else did and that if I had to hear when's supper one more time my head was going to burst. It finally (it was only 6, not like we made her wait until 9 pm) got to the point where my husband told her..."calm down! Have you ever starved here?" But yet she can come back from her mom's tell us she's only eaten a vending machine bag of chips all day and then get defensive when we question why she didn't eat. But we don't feed her every two hours and like a gremlin she freaks out!! Friday night I was so annoyed by the time my husband got home that I told him he HAD to do something about this (yes, not the best way for me to handle it, but I'm sick of the "where's daddy" crap?) He was ticked for me jumping on him about it and basically told me I just needed to "handle it". I've told him before, the root of this is two-fold and I'm placing the blame equally here...1.) she's watched her mother need instant gratification her whole life. As in if she calls hubby and he doesn't answer.....she will call back 14 times in an hour....never even considering he might be doing something/not around his phone/etc. and 2.) If she (Daisy) incessantly bugs my husband enough instead of telling her "you've asked one too many times and now you're NOT getting what it is you're asking for" he'll get so annoyed that he'll just give her whatever she's obsessing about to shut her up. So...she's been well-trained to behave this way and it's about to drive me bonkers!!!!!!! He has agreed to start telling her she's not getting whatever it is she's asking for when she starts getting demanding like that....we'll see if he actually sticks to it though. It seems that the behavior has ramped up lately and I don't know why. Or perhaps it's my pregnancy patience (or lack thereof), however I've been feeling much more like myself lately so I really don't think that's it. I have no idea....I just know that having an extra demanding 10 year old is not going to be easy when our attentions are more divided when the new baby arrives. If I'm bathing/feeding/changing the baby I'm going to be even less patient with her feeling that she "needs" me to go fix her television (just an example) RIGHT now....because heaven forbid she should not be able to completely be a vegetable in front of the television for 5 minutes! Suggestions?

why, oh why?

2011-04-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

Are the poptarts calling?! S'mores poptarts to be exact. I never even buy poptarts normally, but Sweet Pea is WANTING the poptarts. Come on Sweet Pea...you need a banana or an apple....not a poptart. Methinks the poptarts are going to win today..........I just have that feeling ; )

Happy Friday!!

2011-04-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's April 1st...and COLD!!! 38 degrees here this morning. This is doing nothing for the grass seed we recently planted and not helping my ambition to get out and walk. I love going on long walks outside with the family and little Lilac. You see, Lilac understands English....you say "wanna go for a walk?" And she FREAKS out....running back and forth and heading for the back door like come on, people....you said we were going for a walk and that means NOW. She also knows the word treat....if we have to buy them or otherwise talk about them we have to spell the word otherwise she goes to the kitchen cabinet that holds her treats and cries....incessantly. She also sometimes "orders" treats....just up and deciding she wants one and standing in front of the cabinet whining and whimpering. She knows the word "bye-bye" and that translates to a ride in the truck which she L.O.V.E.S. We've got a hook we can secure her leash to so she can ride in the bed of the truck and she loves having the wind flap through her little puppy ears. She likes riding in the inside of the truck too, but when it's warm her preference is the back. Hm....what other words does she know...?!? Oh, bone....if you say get your bone she gets it. And if we've just played hard or something and she's panting and I ask her "are you thirsty?" she'll go get a drink. I have no idea how this just devolved into the spoiled-ness/communication ability with my dog....but I love that little puppy. She's been a handful since I've been pregnant and ONLY towards me....I think she senses something is up. She still listens to Dandelion just fine, but me....HA!! And if I'm home and not paying attention to her? Good Lord....she then steals things (remotes, ink pens, whatever might be lying around) and runs as fast as she can across our hardwood floors (thus making noise to get my attention) so that I'll have to pay attention to her). Yes, she's ridiculous.....but I wouldn't trade her. I hope she adjusts ok to the baby....she can also be really cuddly and loves to lay by mommy (me) so I hope she'll take up that cuddly nature with the baby instead of being jealous....we shall see! I posted yesterday a negative comment about our (dandelion's extended family) family reunion this weekend. And when we've got a billion other things to do to have to go sit through a family reunion does not sound all that exciting. But it's important to Dandelion's dad and he doesn't ask for much. I (we actually, because I think Dandelion is less excited than I am) shouldn't be so negative about it and admittedly, I would be more excited if it was for my family and that's not fair. I am grateful for the family we have and I know we are incredibly blessed and I should remember that more often! We were at Dandelion's parents' house last night and I did enjoy getting to go through pictures with Dandelion's mom (she's putting together an album to take to the reunion). I love old pictures and it's always nice to learn more about the family I married into. I also didn't meet my little nephew until he was about a year old (when we started dating) so it was neat to see his little baby pictures too because I never got to see him at that stage...what a cutie!!! She's included a picture of just me in my wedding dress in their album which I find flattering since I'm not one of her actual kids....makes me feel like they're glad I'm a part of the family! Ok, I've rambled long enough....hope you all have a good weekend!! It's supposed to warm up (and rain) here, but I'll take it!

Hm....

2011-03-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've really got nothing today....nada. Sweet Pea's crib arrived two days ago.....and doesn't match (we're giving sweet pea our bedroom furniture and getting a new set for us) so we have to send it back. If it was close I'd keep it, but it's WAAAAY off so back it goes! Oh well, we've got plenty of time...that's why we ordered early! Daisy's grounding has fully sunk in, I think...and she's not fond of it, which is the goal so hopefully it works. She got home on Tuesday and said "hey dad, can you do such n such while I get ready for tumbling?" To which he responded..."uh...you're grounded. No tumbling this week." He said she started to protest "but...I thought...." and then just stuck her lip out and went in her room. She also requested deodorant last night. I'd actually bought her some several weeks ago and just had it in my bathroom. I had intended to give it to her when it started getting warmer out (it's currently 40-ish degrees here...grrrr), thinking it would be time to make sure warm temperatures didn't equal a "funk" on Daisy's part. However, she asked her dad for deodorant last night so I just went ahead and gave it to her this morning. She's definitely growing up....not looking forward to all that brings with it, but I guess we'll deal with it, huh? I've also noticed something funny...she's been rubbing her belly. As a pregnant woman who is now showing I often find myself absentmindedly patting, rubbing, or just resting my hand on Sweet Pea. I was doing this last night when we were done eating but still talking at the dining room table. Moments later I noticed Daisy start to do it to herself. Kind of funny..... I told you...I've got nothing today! I've got one cake this weekend which is nice...won't be too busy at all. We also have a family reunion over the weekend....somehow the older people always seem to enjoy those exponentially while people in our generation are expected to go as props...as in "look, here's my family....aren't they nice?" And then we get ignored while the older people talk the rest of the afternoon. Harsh assessment, but that's been my experience with reunions. We're also going shopping for our new bedroom set this weekend, hopefully we'll find something we like, can agree on, and is reasonably priced!!

How do we always find out this stuff?!

2011-03-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

First of all, let's see if Blogger allows paragraphs today so that it looks like I've actually taken an English class before!! Secondly, we got more texts from Poison Oak's ex-wife last night. Apparently, when they said earlier that Thistle had written a forged check off of Poison Oak's account that was not quite accurate. Remember, Thistle is back down here in our county now....Poison Oak lives counties away and has a checking account that did not ever have Thistle's name on it. Apparently in the process of breaking up she took some checks. And she's been writing them, bad ones, down here. She (Hyacinth) didn't say how much $$ worth of checks, but she said "ALOT". Well, since Thistle's name isn't on the checks when people down here started getting bad checks our District Attorney went after, you guessed it, Poison Oak. He has been receiving communication from our District Attorney about him supposedly writing bad checks in our county. Apparently, he's told them basically "bullshit!" I don't even go down there, let along write checks, here's who's doing it, we're separated, and I can prove that and that her name isn't on the account. So, according to Hyacinth, he's now working with our District Attorney to pin this on Thistle. Which, I don't blame him...if he's going to get the wrap for it if he doesn't turn her in then I completely see why he'd hang her out to dry. She can call it whatever she wants, but she's stealing money. From him. From anyone she writes a bad check to. Hyacinth also said that Thistle supposedly has a warrant out for her arrest for bad checks in our neighboring state as well. This wouldn't surprise me, but I couldn't find anything when I tried to check it out online. Right now I'm trying to be really skeptical and just assume none of this will amount to anything because, let's face it, it never does. She gets away with whatever she does for the most part. However, if all this is true this means she recently had a warrant in a separate county related to that DUI, according to Poison Oak there may soon be a warrant for her in our county, and according to poison oak again there already is a warrant somewhere in our neighboring state. Nice going, Thistle. 3 warrants takes some talent. Not trying to put the cart before the horse, but Dandelion and I have briefly talked and if this woman ends up in jail to the point that it interferes with Daisy's visitation (as in she can't see her mom because her mom's in jail) we WILL NOT lie to Daisy. We won't editorialize and put our opinion in, but we will tell her the truth. That her mom took money from people (and probably do an elementary explanation of bad checks) and that she had to go to jail for it. I refuse to help her lie to her daughter and so does Dandelion. Again, I'm not getting my hopes up that this woman might be punished for something she's done, but it's hard not to!! Oh, and we got another collection call for her at our house last night. Again, I gladly gave them her contact information and the woman on the other end of the phone was ever so appreciative!

How we handled it....

2011-03-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well, hubby wanted to wait to lay down the consequences to Daisy until after she returned from her mom's for the weekend. 1.) he didn't want her to be able to go get sympathy for having to live with us "awful" people for an entire weekend and 2.) he wanted the consequences to be an uninterrupted week. As long as he was being firm with her I was just happy he was giving consequences and not ignoring it so I was fine with that. So, last night we told her that this week she is grounded and has lost all privileges. No electronics at all and her week will consist of school, homework, dinner, shower, the end. That was the punishment for lying. With the explanation that if it happened again it would be for a longer amount of time until she got how serious we were. Additionally, I am to check her backpack each morning before school. That is the punishment for being sneaky and taking the flip flops to school. I did request (in private) that since I'm the only one home in the mornings that Dandelion make it VERY clear that he had asked me to do that backpack checking and that I was doing it because I was the one there. After we doled out the repercussions you could tell she totally just didn't get it. The next breath was...."so, what are we doing this week?" To which Dandelion told her that he'd just told her what she was doing this week. And she said "....Oh" The grounding started last night so at about 8:30 she came into the living room where we'd just sat down to watch a little television. She was getting all settled and Dandelion said "I'm not trying to be mean here, Daisy, but you are not allowed to watch television this week." She just kind of looked at him dumbfounded and said "So, I can't even hang out with you guys?" He reiterated he wanted her to understand how serious of a problem lying was and that we would have dinner together and do homework, but that if we were watching television that was something that wasn't allowed as part of her consequences so she couldn't join us. She gave him a "WTF?!?!" look. I gotta say....to feel like we're exhiling her seems really hard core, but maybe she'll get how serious we are? Then in that way that always makes us scratch our heads....she got in a really good mood. Anytime we have to have a big lecture, enforce consequences, etc she always gets in a really good mood and acts even closer to (well not me) but my husband afterwards. It's bizarre and almost like she appreciates him acting like a parent. He and I talked that when we'd get punished as a kid our attitude (maybe not our words) was always of the "I can't stand you" variety towards our parents....and she's the total opposite. We kind of think it's because she has one parent who never acts like a parent and even though she "likes" that on the surface, deep down she appreciates it when my hubby acts like a parent because it shows he gives a crap about her. The pick up and drop off went smoothly. Thistle pawned Daisy off on her brother's 18 year old girlfriend for an overnight on Saturday. Daisy was with this girl, from what we could figure, until at least noon on Sunday so of her 48 hours with her daughter at least 16 or 18 of them were spent with someone else. Each weekend Daisy has had visitation with her mom since she's been living with her own mom this girlfriend has played a key role in any of Daisy's stories, more so than Thistle. So, we figure she's young enough that Thistle can play her and tell her some sob story and pawn her kid off on her. Thistle's brother (this girl's boyfriend) also lives with his mom (he's my age....dating a much younger girl) so Thistle has plenty of access to be able to use this girl who in three of the three weekends Daisy's been staying there has taken Daisy bowling, taken her out shopping, and had her for an entire night. Always somebody to use, huh? On our weekend front, it was a great one. We bought Sweet Pea's crib and I ordered his bedding which I'm SOOOO pumped about!!! Can't wait to get the swatches in the mail so I can really start decorating the room! I'm beat today...I was in a cleaning (nesting, already?!?!) mood yesterday...we're talking floor scrubbing, cabinet washing mood. So I cleaned all day long. I'm beat today, not only from all the physical work, but Sweet Pea decided to start a kickboxing session about 3:30 this morning. It was cute...but mama would find it a whole lot cuter mid-day ; )

Asking for your assistance/info, please....

2011-03-25T08:27:00.001-07:00

So...checked the legal website to do with that warrant that was out for Thistle. The update now says that $100 was posted yesterday and that there is a "bond date" next week. Does anyone know what a "bond date" is? Does this mean she is in custody? Or is this just a hearing or something? I'm confused. Daisy is supposed to go with her tonight and if she's in jail she won't be going, but I know Thistle wouldn't tell us if she was, she would just send someone else to pick Daisy up.

I have a call out to a friend in law enforcement, but I'm waiting to hear back on the meaning of this and I'm impatient so I thought I'd ask you if anyone knew what it meant?

Why is it your first instinct....

2011-03-24T07:02:00.001-07:00

to just lie?! We've caught Daisy lying again. I'm so over it. I hate it. We do not lie in our home, Dandelion and I are honest people it's just not something we accept. While I cannot/will not blame absolutely everything on her mother, you know the same cannot be said for Thistle. Basically anytime she opens her mouth a lie comes out of it. As you know, she also instructs Daisy to lie. So, she's had a bad influence in her mother for lying, but she's also old enough to know better no matter WHAT her mom tells her to do.

In the way of behavior things had been going well with Daisy since the big revelation of her bullying other kids. She's been on the straight and narrow in that regard lately and has been doing better. However she's slipping again...not into bullying, but back into her go-to behavior which is lying. It's always her first instinct. And it's not just us. I've told you before that I've gotten complaints from other moms because Daisy will encourage their kids to "just lie" about something they want, but can't have/do for (solid) parenting reasons. But those kids aren't sneaky by nature so they tell their parents that Daisy has told them to lie.

What she's been lying about is just stupid stuff, that's the ridiculous part of things! Daisy acts like showering every evening is a punishment....the worst thing we could ask her do. Whatever. However, when she gets in the shower it usually is a loooong one. In fact sometimes we have to tell her a half hour in that it's time to get out. The other night she had dawdled around with her homework and was running late after tumbling class and it was getting very near (like 5 mins) to her bedtime. Dandelion told her he knew she wouldn't be in bed on time, but that she should make her shower a quick one. From the time she walked into the bathroom door (still fully clothed) and walked back out (shower supposedly over) was 3 minutes. I am not kidding. We heard the water run and her hair was wet, but it was our assumption she'd just basically gotten herself wet and then got back out. We asked about this and she swore up and down she had actually washed her hair and body. We didn't believe it but we let it drop.....we couldn't prove anything.

So yesterday remember I told you we had a big cold front coming in so I told her she couldn't wear shorts and other summer-like attire to school. Last night after work I hear her saying to Dandelion "I need new brown flip-flops....mine broke today at recess because someone stepped on the back of it when I was running. I put it back together, but I don't think it'll last long...." Cue my mom radar......."Daisy, you were wearing socks and tennis shoes when you left this morning...I remember it. So where did the flip flops come from?" Cue her standing there stone silent trying to think up something....anything. She chose to lie again. "No, I thought I had on flip flops when I left this morning....weird." Trying to play it off like it was a joke or I just didn't remember correctly, but for some reason I had specifically looked at her feet when we left the house so I knew I was correct. Dandelion chimed in "well you had tennis shoes on when I picked you up from grandma and grandpa's house today too.........." Cue her standing there dead stone silent and still for a few more minutes....you could literally watch her brain working wondering why we weren't letting this drop. Please keep in mind at this point I knew what was up and I. WAS. PISSED. Especially after the shower incident the night before. I was just continuing on with the line of questioning because she was caught and needed to feel a little heat. So when Dandelion said that she also had the tennis shoes on when he picked her up I asked why she had two pairs of shoes at school for the day. She then chose to lie again and said "well I just threw my tennis shoes in my backpack so I'd have them for PE." That was it.........she couldn't even keep track the lies were coming out of her mouth so fast....and it was over something so RIDICULOUS!!!!! I said "Or was it the fact that I told you you couldn't wear summer clothes to school because it was literally supposed to get down to freezing today and instead of doing that you wanted to do exactly what YOU wanted so not only did you sneak flip flops into your backpack when you weren't supposed to, but you then chose to lie about it as well.....REPEATEDLY."

She stood there a minute and her head went down and her lip came out and she got teary and admitted that was the case. We asked if she realized she was now getting in trouble over flip flops?!?! And inquired about whether it was really worth it. I also mentioned that even though she thinks the reason I told her she couldn't wear summer clothes is because I'm awful, evil and mean (and yes, I said that word for word) did she ever consider the fact that perhaps I didn't want her to be cold? She just shook her head that she hadn't thought of that. We told her AGAIN that basically she's getting to the point that we can't trust a thing that comes out of her mouth because she lies so much and about stupid stuff. We asked if that's what she wanted...for us to believe nothing she said? She of course said no. We also told her we'd get back to her with the consequences for the lying and we clarified she was NOT getting in trouble over flip flops that she was getting in trouble over lying.

What is her deal?!?!?! What is lying her go-to behavior? Anyone have any good ideas for a meaningful consequence....taking away her electronics just doesn't seem to cut it when this is repeated behavior.

Dandelion said when he took her to her church program last night (we still let her go....they teach the good values we agree with and when she's struggling to be a "good" person we hate to remove a positive influence as punishment) right before she got out she started bawling saying she was "so mad at herself and she didn't know why she did these things?" To me that was telling......it's like she KNOWS this behavior is wrong. I'd be less mad if she was oblivious to it, at least she'd have an excuse. But she knows it's wrong yet it's still her behavior of choice. And I HATE lying and so does Dandelion.

We've told her that some people lie so much they can't keep track of their own lies and she's honestly getting to that point...I mean she busted herself on the flip flop thing, we wouldn't have known otherwise. And then when caught she told lie after lie to try to cover her tracks.

So frustrating............

A divide, a chill, a detachment....something along those line

2011-03-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to blog about this for some time. It's my first time putting this all into words so please stick with me as, I'm warning you, it could get incredibly long and/or rambly. I'd also like to preface that this situation was not spurred by Sweet Pea's impending arrival or my pregnancy....it was going on before that.

There is a chill, a detachment, a.....something between Daisy and I. I know this is common with stepmother/stepdaughter relationships. I know step relationships can take YEARS to "gel" and that they will go through phases. I get all that and I've done more reading on the subject than one can imagine.

I also know that Daisy has been taught, from the beginning of my relationship with Dandelion, that I am the enemy. I am not to be trusted, I'm a b!tch, I'm a snob....the lovely names we have heard (and read on facebook) go on and on. I have been in a relationship with Dandelion for four years and heavily involved with Daisy since about 2-3 months after we started dating. So, I'm basically four years into this stepmothering gig. For the first 2 or 2.5 years I was "all in" as they say in poker. I don't know what I was trying to prove, but I was trying to prove something. I killed myself doing birthday parties, making halloween costumes, organizing playdates, volunteering at school, etc. My thought process was I had a mom that did all these things for me and Daisy doesn't and that's not her fault.

This is where I'm going to sound step-martyresque and I'm just warning you now. I know parents get no thanks from their kids, but they do get hugs and love and affection. So, I may have annoyed the crap out of my mom at times growing up, but then I'd run up to her with an "I love you, mommy" and all was right in the world. I watch my godson's mother do the same thing. Be SO frustrated with her kids that she could burst and then one of them smiles in her direction or gives her a big hug and she melts....it's being a mom, it's that unconditional love thing. The thing is, I was killing myself going overboard doing all this stuff for what became years and I got zilch in return. And I know one doesn't do things for the recognition, etc. But I'm human....it's hard to continue on that path. Dandelion and I would get in arguments, I would call my mom crying about how I was being disregarded, it wasn't a pretty time for me emotionally. Not only was I over-involved in those types of things, but I was drafting letters that we had to send to Thistle, obsessing over each venom filled text she sent Dandelion, typing his emails to her (back when custody was split and there had to be a lot more contact) because he had no internet access during the day and that means I also got to read her lovely responses. Which were disgusting in how awful they were. In short, it was tearing me up. I was a shadow of the person I used to be. I was angry and I was resentful. I didn't like myself much and if I continued down that path my marriage would suffer, not to mention my mental health.

One day, I can't even tell you when........I stopped. I realized I could not carry on the way I was and I started doing some more things for me. Dandelion is heavily involved with a volunteer organization in our community which involves meetings and time away from home. This would leave me home with Daisy all while she was acting resentful that I was there and not her dad and I had to hear "where's daddy?" "When will daddy be home" "will daddy be home before I go to bed?" over and over and over while I was the one doing all the work. There are meetings he attends for this organization that other people's kids go to....there is a big area where they can play, it does not disrupt the meeting. I told him he needed to start taking Daisy with him to these meetings like some of the others involved did. I won't lie...at first he was pissed. He had been taking me for granted. I would continue to keep her home with me on evenings when maybe she had a lot of homework or a test the next day if it was better for her to be home, but the majority of the time now...she goes to these meetings with him. I didn't tell him this needed to change out of anger, I just told him it needed to change. He also often wanted to be involved with "trainings" for this organization....more evening time away from home. We worked out a deal where this lasts for 1 hour...the same time as Daisy's weekly church program. He takes her to church, goes to his training, and then picks her back up. I used to do all the running for the church program. He does it now, he gets to go to his training, and I don't feel PO'd the whole time he's gone. Now during his training and her church program I routinely go spend time with my godson and his brother and sister and visit with their mom. You all know that little man brightens my day and now I get to see him more regularly which makes for a "better" Tulip.

I also started saying "no". I used to say yes to everything Daisy asked me to do. If I'd been running around at work like a crazy person and then had a ton of things to do at home and finally sat down for the first time at say 8:30 pm and she followed with.....can you curl my hair, paint my nails, etc. The answer was always yes. And not because I wanted to do whatever she was asking (the right reason to say yes) but because I didn't want to be the bad guy (the wrong reason to say yes). So I stopped. I say yes sometimes, but if I've had a day like that and she wants something I might also say "I just sat down/got home, etc and I can't do whatever you're asking tonight." She gets pouty, but she gets pouty when I do do things for her (Daisy is often one of those nothing is ever good enough kind of people...she always wants more than she's getting)....so if her reaction is the same and I'm not driving myself nuts....better outcome.

I still do birthday parties for her, but I do not go overboard trying to make it the "best" birthday party ever! I still volunteer occassionally (see the post a couple weeks back about her lock-in) at school, but I don't bust my butt to prove what an awesome "mom" I am all while running myself thin. She still gets to have friends over to play or spend the night (provided her behavior towards other children remains good), but no longer do we spend $75 to take 4 little girls to the movies when they're just as happy to play at our home.

As I said, I do more for me now. I took my cake class and got really into cakes which is something I've always wanted to try. I read more books. I spend more time with my godson. Maybe once a month I go out to eat with girlfriends. I go shopping with my mom by myself where, for some reason (I think because me, my mom and my grandma used to go shop together when I was a kid) I used to think I had to take Daisy with us every. single. time. I'm a better wife and I'm a more "sane" person which can only bode well for both my marriage and Sweet Pea. The way interactions with Thistle and sometimes Daisy used to get me riled up would not be good for a baby growing in my belly!

The result of me taking care of me more? A somewhat distant relationship with Daisy, at first Dandelion didn't like that I had backed off some. Selfishly, of course he didn't. He had someone doing more than half of the heavy lifting for his child. I still help...I still take her to school everyday and get her breakfast. I do b-day parties. I go to her events at school/tumbling. I'm not totally "gone". But we are not what I would call "close". However, we were not what I would call "close" when I was doing all of that stuff and killing myself doing it either. I get dirty looks. I know she basically doesn't like anything I have to say. This morning it was 70 when she left for school but a cold front is coming in and it's supposed to be 40 by this evening. I told her she couldn't wear the shorts she had on. I was the bad guy. What I wanted to say was "all I'm doing is trying to keep you from freezing to death and you're pissed off....fine...freeze, it really doesn't affect me." But I don't say that.

Daisy is a child that responds positively to people that, for lack of a better term, kiss her @ss. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true and I know it can be true of children of divorce. They learn how to play people, they play the victim and get rewarded for it. I don't kiss her butt....she doesn't respond well to me. The end.

Sometimes I also wonder if it's just that our personalities don't mesh. Because when I try to look at it objectively.......they don't. I'm not a perfect person, obviously. And I do a lot of venting here, but I'm not a "drama queen". I never have been. When my girlfriends in high school were fighting over this boy or that boy or hating this girl or that girl, I'd listen to their stuff....but that was never me right in the middle. Me? I cried when my mom made me get a bra and wear it. Because I'd rather be outside playing than worrying about "all that junk." I'm more of a girly girl now, but I wasn't then. Daisy, in contrast, is majorly INTO THE DRAMA. Like........WHOA....at age 10!! I don't know how to deal with it because it's not me. When she's going on and on and being dramatic my gut reaction is "knock it off" (though I don't say it). It's not wrong that her personality is different than mine, but it is different. I cried over a bra....she wanted one at age 8 when she had absolutely no need for one (and still doesn't) and then got in repeated trouble for wearing them improperly and "showing them off" for all to see. I was embarrassed to have to wear one in...in sixth grade! We go fishing and she refuses to touch the worm while squealing it's gross. I dug my own and put them on the hook when I was her age. She dislikes school and, while she gets very good grades, it is a constant struggle. If we didn't check her homework, her grades would be vastly different. Lots of times her homework is the equivalent of a D or F when we check it and then she fixes it into an A after our review. She doesn't read directions and doesn't try. I was a nerd. I loved school. I took gifted classes and participated in "dorky" activities. Please don't take all this as I'm like "wow, I was/am so awesome and she sucks". That's not what I'm saying and I'm not saying my personality is right or her personality is wrong...they're just very different. And I don't know...maybe I'm seeing/looking for Thistle's personality traits in her and then honing in on them. I'm trying to acknowledge that the problem is not all just her, here.

I'm also very guarded around her. She acts as an unofficial "spy" for her mother. While her mother's life is a closed book to us and everything is a secret and we can never get a straight answer because her mom asks her to lie for her. We don't ask Daisy to lie for us or keep things to herself (because we feel that's not appropriate) so she blabs every. single. nuance. of our life to her mom. We're talking little things and big things. Our entire weekend schedule, what fabric softener we use, etc, etc. which her mom will then twist around as ammo or blab to her trash friends on facebook. I hate it. My life is not her mother's business. So, while there are some things I can't keep from her, anything that I can control, I don't share with her. We are telling no one our baby's name before he's born because I want to keep something for myself. If I have a disagreement with say my mom (rarely happens, but you know how it goes) I refuse to talk about it with my husband in front of Daisy. If something is going on at work I won't talk about it around her. Really....I feel like Daisy doesn't really know me at all. She knows the shell of the stepmother that lives in our house, but she doesn't know me because all she does is gather information and then go repeat it to her mother and I hate that. Dandelion says I should just "not care", but I can't. That woman and anyone like her would be nowhere near my life if I had a choice and she definitely wouldn't know anything about me, but instead she knows if I burp at the dinner table (exaggeration, but you get my point) and, not only does she know it, but then uses it however she can! We found out the baby's sex the other day and got in the car at the hospital. We were SOOOO excited. I called my mom (at work) Dandelion called his mom....we still had to talk to our dad's (his was outside working on something, mine was at work) and Daisy pipes in "Can I call my mom now and tell her?!?!" We weren't even out of the parking lot. I didn't let it ruin my moment, but seriously?!?! Your mom (who it's not like we have a good relationship with) needs to know our baby's gender before the baby's grandpas do? I don't think so. We have a "close" family moment in the ultrasound room and then WHAM......there's that wedge. It's stuff like that that makes me feel like I can't be close to her. I wanted to scream "IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS!!!!" But we just said we had other people we wanted to call and kind of blew her off honestly while we kept dialing (we did let her call a couple of her girlfriends, so don't think she was excluded from the excitement).

Another thing......Daisy L.O.V.E.S. my parents. I mean loves!! And while I'm happy they have a good relationship when she's not speaking to me (basically) but going on and on about grandma and grandpa this and grandma and grandpa that the immature part of me wants to say "you know they are my parents, right? And if I wasn't around you wouldn't even have them in your life?" Obviously I don't, but it's hard! I worry it'll be the same way with the baby...she'll be obsessed with him, but still ignore my existence even though without me he wouldn't even be here! Last weekend we had friends over. It was her bedtime so she came and gave daddy a hug goodnight, told our friends goodnight individually and walked down the hall to her room. When she got to her door she finally turned around and said "oh, night tulip".

I know I'm the adult and should be the bigger person...i get all that. But this situation year after year would wear on the "biggest" person. Sometimes I just wonder where we go from here. Are we just tolerating one another until she's 18? Or will we ever have a relationship, so to speak? I wonder...........

I'm totally rambling on and on here and I know it comes across as whining and I don't even know what advice I'm asking for. I know I've set myself up to be judged with this post, but so be it. I've been wanting to get it off my chest for a long time.

It's a...........

2011-03-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

BOY!!!!!!!!! He's beautiful! Got to see fingers and toes and his little spine and he opened and closed his mouth and we saw it! I'm so in love!!

Doctor says everything looks anatomically great and that both he and I are healthy....so far so good. Hard to believe I'm halfway through already!! Just finished watching the DVD of the ultrasound again....it's the best movie I've ever seen.....4 stars ; )

Today is the day....

2011-03-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

I'm SOOO excited to find out the baby's gender today! And it's a beautiful and sunny spring day here...all the better! We don't have our appointment until late afternoon/early evening so I'll either update the blog tonight or in the morning. I don't know how I'm going to concentrate at work at all today because I'm so pumped. Here's praying everything is well with out little one and we'll get to meet a healthy him/her in August!!

Life in General....with an addendum

2011-03-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

Addendum tacked on the end....

Well, I haven't posted in a few days, but you haven't missed anything! I've been SWAMPED at work. Our assistant is out so I've been doing her work plus my own...it's made for a quick week which is good because this coming Monday we find out if Sweet Pea is a he or a she!! I thought this week leading up would drag, but work has helped it go quickly! I'm so excited to find out and I hope baby cooperates. It's going to be so weird to get to start calling the baby he or she and then I can go register and start on the nursery...YAY!

My heart goes out this week...a girl I graduated from high school with was about two weeks behind me in her pregnancy....about 17 weeks....and had a miscarriage. I feel terrible for her and her family and selfishly, it scares me to death, but I'm just not trying to let my brain "go there". The baby did have problems and they knew that already so apparently the problems were worse than they originally thought. I've been sending prayers their way.

I've got two cakes to do this weekend after a slow (by design) March so far. I just have felt like relaxing more than making cakes on my time off so I didn't schedule much and I was glad for the break. And it worked out well since I ended up pretty sick last weekend and wouldn't have felt like baking or have wanted to hack all over someone's cake! This weekend I have a shower cake that I'm really pumped about and YET ANOTHER T@y St@ry cake. I have done SO MANY of those cakes I think I could do them in my sleep!! I don't mind doing the kid's cakes, but I really love getting to do the more trendy shower cakes, so I'm pumped for this one this weekend!

It was beautiful here yesterday so we got out to go for a walk! It was WONDERFUL! Though, as the doctor warned me, my stamina is very low. We walked about 1.2 miles and I was BEAT....but it was a good tired...like I'd actually done something! It was weird...the walk made my hips feel kind of achy by the end though...never had that happen, but I guess everything is starting to stretch out and stuff and the hips are a key part of that! This is the first week people are noticing I'm pregnant. I've been able to tell for weeks now and have felt like I have a giant bump, but this week a couple people have commented....exciting!

I know this post is rambly and doesn't say much, I'm just not very exciting this week I guess! I hope you all have a good weekend!!

Addendum: Ok, I just checked Daisy's final 3rd quarter grades. And you should all know by now I'm not one of those "make excuses for my kid" parents. I wasn't parented like that, if anything I'm more in the opposite direction........but seriously. Daisy has had a goal since 3rd quarter last school year to get straight A's. Each time she's gotten all A's and one B. And the B rotates between classes, but they've always been core classes. This quarter......all A's and B....in music class. Seriously? Now, I'm not knocking music....I was in band in choir from 5th grade until I graduated high school. But not everyone is musically inclined and Daisy is not. Not to mention her B? It was by one point. I mean COME ON!!!!!!!!! Give the kid a break. Her grade breakdown on assignments/quizzes was 3 A's and 3 B's so it really could have gone either way, I guess it all breaks down to the weightings. The teacher is one of those that thinks the world should revolve around music and is what one might describe as a hard @ss. The crappy part is she only has this teacher every other quarter. There's a male teacher she has the other times and he's great and she got A's in his quarters of music class. This female teacher....not so much! But one point?!?! In music?!?! Bummer.......

(and yes I realize her grades are still excellent and I'm not at all upset with her grade performance....more frustrated because she finally has a goal of wanting to see those ALL A's on her report card and this dumb music class will blow that chance....I guess we'll shoot for 4th quarter!! I'm encouraged though because this is a kid who was getting C's in the second grade....when coloring was still a big part of her day! And don't worry, I won't let on to her that I think she teacher in music should have given her a break ; )

Hello, Stalker?!

2011-03-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

So, off the Thistle track today and back on to a general stepmom subject................Daisy is needy. We all know this and I believe I have blogged about it before, but she's turning into an almost stalker in our home and I'm finding it hard to "adjust" to this new/not-so-new, but enhanced personality development.

Oh yeah, and I'm feeling MUCH better today. Back at work, my voice sounds terrible, but I feel better than I have in days!! YAY!!

Anyway, back to our little stalker....

So, she's not so much clingy as in hanging on Dandelion, but she has to know where he is AT. ALL. TIMES. And I seriously mean ALL TIMES!! Our house is set up so that the main part is really open...dining room, living room, kitchen....if you're in one of those rooms you know exactly who else is too, they're all together. I know Daisy has had a lot of people just be gone out of her life with no warning and I get how disconcerting that can probably be for a child, but her dad has never been one of those people. In fact, he's probably been the only constant in her life and she is HELL BENT on making sure she knows where he's at, apparently. It's like she has radar for when he leaves the living area of the house. The poor guy can't go to the bathroom (which is in our bedroom) without her lingering outside our bedroom door.

Even realizing the reasons she's needy doesn't make it any less annoying/difficult to handle. And if we're both in our room at the same time (not doing anything inappropriate, but like if I'm putting away laundry and he's changing or showering after work)good lord....it creeps me out because I'll walk out of our room and she'll be RIGHT. THERE. Or like last night....our computer room is directly off our living room. Dandelion was in on the computer and I went in there to say something to him. At the time I went in there Daisy was in her room. He and I were laughing about some pic his friend had posted on fb and then I walked out of the computer room to find Daisy standing RIGHT OUTSIDE the computer room door. The second I walked out she walked in and was all "what are you laughing at, daddy?!?!?!" Now, of course she didn't come in and be a part of the situation when I was in there she had to break it up so it was me and daddy and then her an daddy. I think that part bothers me too....it's like she's regressing back to the "her and daddy" more so than she did when we first got together. I'm sure part of this could also have to do with the baby coming. As excited as she is I'm sure there's a part of her that wonders how it might change her relationship with her dad, especially since we know for a fact her mom has been working on her about it. We have french doors off of our living area that go to a patio where our BBQ grill is. Dandelion was out there one day grilling and she came into the kitchen...."where's daddy?!" I hear "where's daddy?" no less than 10 times per day if we're all at home together say on a weekend or something. Sometimes I want to yell "he went to china" just to see her reaction because it's like "do you think he just took off forever?" OBVIOUSLY, I would never say this to her, but it gets pretty frustrating. Especially because she doesn't need anything...it's not like she's looking for him for a reason. I mean, she usually has some piddly question to ask him, but it's more about just having to know where he is at all times.

Please don't take this as me being unsympathetic to her plight....I get it. She's needy and apparently has a HUGE fear of abandonment and I'm sure the needy-ness will ramp up when the baby arrives (oh joy!), but this is my place to vent so I'm venting. And also potentially looking for any advice you might have. I know alot of you have dealt with stepkids/troubled kids so you might have a suggestion to nip this in the bud before I lose my mind and say something to her that I shouldn't and also to make her feel more secure.

Welcome back....

2011-03-14T06:22:00.000-07:00

Welcome back, Thistle. So glad you currently have no life and now live close by and appear to be back to your old tricks of spending all your time plotting about what to do to be a P.I.T.A. and how to warp your daughter....thank you for that!

Yes folks, as "calm" as things have been, it appear SHE'S BAAAAAAAAACK!!! (Said in my best poltergeist voice....isn't that the movie that's from?!) You're all in for a treat because I originally started this blog when we had joint custody but that only lasted for like 1-2 months of my blogging life and then we got custody, she lived 2.5 hours away and things got relatively "calm" by our standards. So, when you're reading my stuff in the coming weeks/months (however long it takes her to get pre-occupied again) please don't think I'm making the crap up, I assure you it's undoubtedly true....sigh.

To preface, I stayed home from work this morning to celebrate the cold that won't quit....seriously. This morning mostly because I have a terrible cough and could barely talk when I first woke up without going into coughing fits and really...who wants to be around the hacking lady at work? Some hot tea has made it a bit better and I'm TIRED of laying around this house....I would actually like to be at work right now, I think....might go in later. Our poor sweet pea probably thinks Mama's trying to cough him/her out of there!!

Anyway, back to Thistle. So Daisy went to her lock-in on Friday. I took her and wasn't feeling all that great, but they were short-handed on volunteers so I offered to supervise one of the rooms. I figured I'd just be sitting around at home so I kept my distance from the kids to avoid getting them sick and sat around at the lock-in instead. I did, however, leave ten minutes before it was over because, in self-preservation mode, I just decided I didn't want to be there when Thistle picked her up. 1.) I knew it would piss me off if she waltzed in playing little mommy and 2.) I definitely didn't want there to be a scene if she decided to say something to me, key my car or something ridiculous of that nature....so I figured cutting out a few mins early was the best way to go.

All was quiet on that front until yesterday about 2 hours before Daisy was supposed to get home. First Dandelion gets a text from Thistle that (warning...random alert) she would be spending time on a farm this summer (wtf?!?! Thistle's no farm girl...trust me) and she wanted him to give his ok that it was fine for her to take Daisy with her so that Daisy could get paid to work there.

Um....where do I even begin. 1.) she KNOWS he's not just going to go "ok, sure" via text with that little bit of information. And she KNOWS anything like that MUST go through the court system. We don't do "deals" amongst one another because unless it's court ordered (and sometimes even then) she doesn't stick to anything. 2.) Pretty sure Daisy is 10 and you yourself have no job that we know of....so putting Daisy to work is really not high on our priority list, plus I'm pretty sure it's against child labor laws, but who cares about silly old laws, right? So what? You're going to make Daisy work and pitch in with rent? You two can be "roomies" instead of mother/daughter.....riiiiiiiiiight. 3.) She gave no location for this farm, but we can only assume it's one we've heard mentioned that is one state away (and several hours) from where we live where Thistle has some extended family (cousins, aunts, something like that....keep in mind these are the same people that have texted us before about how "nuts" Thistle is and have told my husband they'd testify against her if he ever needed them to)....um, no. Like we're going to send Daisy for the summer a state away with you to a place where you have no home when you're this unstable here? 4.) In her text she mentioned how "excited Daisy was about this". Great, as usual you mentioned this to Daisy without talking to Dandelion first. Of course you did this because you want her to get all excited (remember the rainbows and unicorns) and you know Dandelion will probably say no and then he can be the bad guy...the spot you oh so love him to be in! So that was two hours before she's supposed to be home.

1 hour before she's supposed to be home Daisy calls our house and talked to Dandelion......"mom had surgery and has a doctor's note that says she's not allowed to drive (remember, per court order she is responsible for ALL transportation for her visitation with Daisy) because of the medicine she's on so you need to pick me up." Dandelion's response: "Please put your mom on the phone..." Thistle continually makes Daisy be the person to handle her adult issues and Dandelion refuses to deal with Daisy on it. Thistle got on the phone "WHAT?!" Like Dandelion called her or something. When she gets all nervous and knows she's in the wrong she talks about 4,000 miles per minute and Dandelion said that's what she was doing in this instance. Rambling about having surgery last week (third one we've heard about in a month now) and how she wasn't supposed to drive, blah, blah, blah. He asked how if she had had surgery last week why he was getting a call YET AGAIN an hour before pick up time when she obviously knew this might be an issue. She claimed she had another ride lined up for Daisy but it fell through (shocker!!!) He agreed to pick her up THIS TIME, but told her that the only responsibility she has for Daisy is to pick her up and drop her off every other weekend per the court order and that he would not be doing this every other weekend, that it was her job. When she's wrong and he "scolds" her she just talks fast and hangs up on him...she doesn't like anyone to tell her she's wrong. So she yelled "yeah, well that's going to be changing, I'm not going to be responsible for all the driving anymore because I've got ALOT of medical issues and I've talked to a lawyer and they said that I shouldn't be having to do all the driving with all of my medical problems......." click...she hung up.

Ok, let me get this straight..........you want to take Daisy one state and 5 hours away this summer, BUT you are SO ill that you cannot be responsible for driving twenty minutes every other weekend to pick-up and drop-off your child? That makes no sense whatsoever. If you're that ill then you probably shouldn't even have your child unsupervised, let alone taking her a state away where you're the only "responsible" person there to care for her!! Oh yeah, and let me mention...Thistle was fine to pick Daisy up from her lock in on Friday night and was fine to take her to get her nails done (in a salon) over the weekend, but was only NOT fine when it came time to bring her back to our house....convenient. When we asked Daisy how mom could pick her up Friday night and not bring her home Sunday she quickly said because mom didn't take the medicine she can't drive with on Friday, but she took it today. First of all, I believe none of her lies, but if I did.....so you're that drugged up on painkillers when you've got your kid that you can't even drive? Lovely.........

Oh yeah, and Daisy came home with a head full of highlights (she's 10!!!!!!!!! but there are worse things, I'm sure...but it's just the point) yesterday and professionally painted fingernails. From a woman that we get collection calls for that as far as we know has no job. But according to Daisy she "has a job but Daisy doesn't know what it is or where she works". So basically, she's got no job, she just wants Daisy to think she does.

This woman is nuts and I can't believe (well, yes I can) she has decided to move back and ramp her crap back up when I am half through a pregnancy. But in actuality, of course I can......she's gotta get some attention too!!! I must say, I have not cried, yelled, or anything over this...I've grown alot in how I deal with her crap over the last couple of years....that's a plus!!

Thoughts? There's more to come, I can assure you of that!

Dandelion's/my thought on how to handle the summer farm thing is just to be honest with Daisy (if she brings it up, we're not bringing it up to her) and explain that again (she knows this happens) Thistle has talked to Daisy and gotten her all excited about something without talking to her dad about it first like she's supposed to. And he plans to (not maliciously) explain that Daisy lives with us (she obviously knows this) and that it's Dandelion's job to make these kinds of decisions about what's best for Daisy because mom doesn't always make the best decisions for her and just leave it at that. Do you think that's too mean? It's not talking badly about her, it's stating a fact. She used to have decision making power...it's been taken away from her because she doesn't make good decisions for Daisy. He has no intention of bad-mouthing Thistle to Daisy, but Daisy needs to understand that until she gets confirmation that these wild ideas/stories from mom are going to happen that she probably shouldn't get her hopes up. Forearmed is forewarned, right?

Any thoughts would be appreciated on this!

Oh, puhleaze....warning, ranting!

2011-03-11T13:58:00.000-08:00

So, typical Thistle...nothing ever sticks and everything is as last minute as possible. Thistle just called my in-laws'. Her plans "fell through" (which probably actually means she got plans that she'd rather not have Daisy with her for) so Daisy can now go to her lock-in. I'm happy that she's going, but seriously....so all this manipulation was for naught. And, YET AGAIN, we're here at the last minute.

And I'm totally ranting, but as background, we always send Daisy to her mom's in whatever she wore back from her mom's the time before. Thistle throws fits about wanting her stuff back and we never see anything we send to her (especially if it's nice) so it's just easier that way. And she always sends Daisy to our house in PURE trash! I mean nasty sweatpants, pajama pants, whatever...it's always ridiculous. Last time it was old fashioned cuffed sweatpants with black "hooker" style boots.

So, she talked to my father-in-law in her continued effort to "punish" my husband by not communicating with him. However, since this deal involves her not getting Daisy at the court appointed time he wanted written confirmation from her (in case this was a set up to call the cops....which sounds dramatic, but is SO Thistle) that she knew exactly where Daisy was going to be. So, he texted her and said, I need to hear from you that you're fine with her going to her lock in. So he got some bitchy text back that he already knew she'd given permission for her to go and that "we'd better send her in something cute and not the trashy stuff we usually put her in" SAY WHAT, BITCH?!?!?!?!??! You just stepped on this sick, nose-blowing pregnant woman's last nerve! I may not be perfect, but that child is always well-dressed (and I don't mean expensive, just nice) when she's in our care. I take pride in personal appearance (not to the point of vanity, but just that it's nice to look put together) and have made sure Daisy always has on appropriate clothes.....don't you DARE accuse me of putting her in trashy crap!!! When YOU are the one that sends her to us in stained up junk....in reality you probably feared that we were so "awful" we'd make her go to her lock-in wearing the crap you sent her home in last time...which of course we'd never do to her...how embarrassing?!?! But instead of making it your fault for sending her in crap (and being afraid we'll send her back in it because of your previous fits about wanting "your" stuff back), you decided to pretend we dress her like sh!t. Riiiiiiiiiight. You're homeless, penniless, jobless, not to even MENTION class-less and you're going to tell me how to dress the kid?!?!

Can you tell she's struck a nerve with me? And yes, I'm totally ranting. And yes, I'm having just the reaction she wanted with her snide, petty, comment. But I'm feverish, pissed off, can't breathe and was actually looking forward to going home and sleeping this cold off on the couch and now have to rush around and get your daughter (you know, since I'm the one that does the actual "mothering") ready since everything now has to be re-arranged because you can't make plans more than five minutes in advance because your life is such a mess!!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for "listening" to my rant, my friends ; )

Outcome....

2011-03-11T06:19:00.001-08:00

Well, Daisy made "her" choice on what to do tonight....the choice we knew "she'd" make. She decided to go with her mom to meet the new friend. That's fine, it's technically no skin off our back, I just hate that. And I really hate her final reason....had nothing to do with, "I'd rather be with my mom than go"....I think I could honestly understand that more, afterall she doesn't see her mom much. But her final reason last night was "because I remembered that last time when I got to go to the lock-in I didn't have very much fun". What bothers me about that is that it's a blatant lie.....that kid was grinning ear to ear when we picked her up and told us how glad she was that she finally got to go after missing all of them last year and the first one this year. Don't do that...don't be the bitter kid. I can just hear it...when all of her friends are talking about going today and are excited, she'll be the one going "I'm not going because it's not that much fun and it's stupid". Seriously....I can hear it! If you don't want to go that's fine, but don't drag others down because you actually do want to go and you're just being bitter!

Stepmotherhood is hard, we've discussed this in blogland plenty of times. You don't have that base of unconditional maternal love to go off of. I don't like it, but it's true....in everything I've read and in my own experience, it's true. It's these kinds of situations that make me feel extra-distant from Daisy. When I see her make a decision where she's so clearly been manipulated and then she acts so callous about it to cover up her real feelings I just borderline can't stand to even listen to it. So, I've stayed out of it completely since she broke to me when I was drying her hair two nights ago that she "didn't know if she wanted to go". I figured staying out of it/staying quiet about it prevents me from saying something that I shouldn't...so that's the best way to go!

Also, I'm probably just crabby because I'm getting sick....boo!! My throat felt full, for lack of a better term, last night so I was worried something was coming on. Woke up in the middle of the night and my throat is burning and still is this morning. Along with a lovely headache and stuffy nose. I'm hoping it doesn't get any worse, but I'm not optimistic....it just feels like the beginning of a "sickness"....BOOOO!!!! Being sick is bad enough, prego and sick...super fun! I am blessed and I know that, but I can only take like one kind of cold medicine and it's a kind that never works for me anyway. Oh well, I'll drink some hot tea and take some naps in a mountain of kleenex and get through it!

UPDATED! Putting a positive spin on....

2011-03-10T06:07:00.001-08:00

Update at the bottom of this post!

The positive spin on this situation would be that I guess we've gotten good at predicting what selfish, manipulative Thistle will do!

But first, I had forgotten about a website someone had directed me to (I think it was another stepmom blogger, actually) where you can search for people by name and it will show whether they've been in jail, either county or prison, in basically every state in the United States. I searched for Thistle on the site yesterday and found she had been arrested within the last two weeks in our neighboring county. All you get is about two lines of information so it didn't say what for but it did say she was currently "out of custody". So....yes, she'd been arrested (and recently) but no, she was not currently in jail.

Now moving on.....So Dandelion still didn't hear from her all day yesterday regarding the lock-in at Daisy's school. As predicted, Thistle called Daisy at her grandparents' house and said that she would let her go but it would be really nice if Dandelion would let Daisy stay with her two more hours (until 8 pm) on Sunday in return. Are you kidding me? This thing Friday night has nothing to do with us, other than just wanting Daisy to be "normal", it really doesn't affect us one way or another whether she goes to the lock-in or not. As I said yesterday, it would be one thing if we were asking for time for our own family event or a church thing or something (both of which we wouldn't do, but you get my point), but we're not!! So anyway, she ran this through Daisy and told Daisy to talk to her dad and then call her (Thistle) back when she talked to him. Dandelion said no to Thistle's "deal". First of all, Sunday is a school night and we never know when she comes back if she will have bathed, eaten, etc. Secondly, she rarely gets back on time anyway, so pushing it that close to "bedtime" is not good, especially when with Thistle she usually stays up all night and is super tired on Sunday night anyway. And finally, he said no (though he didn't tell Daisy this) because with her being back in the area we don't want to start this "bending the rules" stuff. As crazy as crap can get, the court documentation keeps things much more sane than it ever used to be. As SOON as we veer from it, we put ourselves at risk for all sorts of drama which we like to avoid at all costs. If Thistle was normal, perhaps, but she's not....so we can't bend. Sucks, but it's the truth.

So, Dandelion said when he was talking to Daisy about this on the way home from his parents' house that she was SUPER excited that she was going to "get to go" to this lock-in and thought she'd still be going even without the two extra hours to mom on Sunday night. It was like she'd held in the possibility of being excited until she realized it actually might happen and then was just a normal kid and was pumped.

So, she called her mom when she got home last night and they talked for awhile. Shortly after she got out of the shower and asked if I'd dry her hair for her so i did. Afterwards, I said "So, you're going to get to go to your lock-in, huh?" (remember she'd just talked to her mom, but I was still going off the earlier conversation). Her answer?! "Well, I can go, but I don't really know if I want to." I basically said some flabbergasted form of "say what?!?!? You were just super-pumped about it? Why wouldn't you want to now?" "Well, I'm just not sure it'll be that much fun.....and my mom has a new friend (female, don't worry I thought the same thing at first) with a daughter my age and I'd really like to meet her that night instead." She was playing it off like she was so pumped to meet this girl she's never even heard of before.....so knowing she'd been manipulated I looked her right in the eye and sympathetically said "Daisy, I'm really sorry....I know how much you wanted to go to the lock-in. That is a bummer."

I try to let the Thistle stuff roll off me, and lots of the petty crap does (it didn't used to, but Ive gotten better), but this is just low. I mean seriously? You've talked up meeting some new, undoubtedly loser, friend of yours instead of Daisy getting to do something that makes HER happy? Listen up, lady......QUIT THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF FOR ONCE!!!!!!!!!!! Put your kid first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I relayed the info to Dandelion he was pissed. He said to Daisy later, "so Tulip says you don't get to go to your lock-in now?" She immediately corrected "oh no, I can go (hello, manipulation), it's just that I might not want to now because I want to meet this new friend's daughter" To which Dandelion thought fast and said "oh is this girl visiting from out of town?" Daisy said, "well, no". Dandelion said, "hm, so the only time you will ever get the chance to meet her is exactly when the lock-in is going on?" And Daisy just sat there in thought...you could tell she was thinking "hm, I never thought of that......" She was just buying hook, line and sinker what her mom had fed her.

This also tells us a bit about what Thistle has been up to this month she's been back in the area. This woman lives in the same slightly bigger than ours town that Thistle was recently arrested in. This is a town that isn't far from us (half hour, maybe), but Thistle most likely hasn't spent much time in before...so she's got no reputation preceeding her. In our very small (remember, Thistle and I went to the same high school) home town Thistle's name is worse than mud...she can't get an apartment because she's screwed over landlords, she can't get a boyfriend because she's burned too many guys and is known as a "psycho", and she has no friends left because she's used them all never giving anything back in return. So, she's got to find another place to go. And this town where she was arrested and where this woman (according to Daisy) supposedly lives has lots of bars and is known to be a little seedy, but it's far enough away that her reputation probably hasn't followed her there so she can find a man and "new" friends to use for a while. My guess is this "new friend" probably has an apartment or something and Thistle is seeing her as a new "roommate"/someone to mooch off of possibility.

I hate when she does this stuff to Daisy and it always makes me have a hard time feeling understanding towards Daisy (I know she's just a kid and wants to believe her mom, I'm just venting here) because in my adult brain it's so OBVIOUS to me when she's being manipulated and I hate seeing her just go along with it!

So, in the comments someone asked me why Thistle would even want Daisy if she could be without her on a Friday night and live her "party girl" lifestyle. There are a couple answers to this, and I'll preface by saying this is just my opinion, but I've had a lot of experience with Thistle so I'd call it an educated opinion....

1.) If she's found a new person to use (this new friend) and this friend has a daughter then Thistle would want to have Daisy. She likes to put on different facades. If she's starting to date a child-less man, for example, she wants to be the un-attached party-girl that can go out at any time and not be tied down by Daisy. When she began dating a man in the summer of 2007 (when custody was split with Daisy supposedly spending half the week with each parent) Thistle left Daisy with Dandelion for three weeks straight, never seeing her and rarely talking to her on the phone while she went out with her "new man" in order to "hook" him. When she finally did re-insert herself in Daisy's life the two of them were already moving in with new man. Contrarily, if she needs to look like the "little mommy" to someone with a kid, then she wants Daisy with her.....this is how she's always operated. She wants Daisy around her when it's to her benefit or makes her look good.

2.) I've said this before, but Thistle DOES NOT want Daisy to "belong" in our town. She hates it. She doesn't want her to live with us now, but has no choice as it's court ordered. So, her second tactic has been to try to make it so that Daisy will want to run far and fast as SOON as she's old enough to "choose" where she wants to live in court. I firmly believe this. She doesn't want her to have friends here. When brownie meetings were supposed to be every other friday night (which ended up being Thistle's Friday night) then Daisy wasn't allowed to participate in brownies anymore. When Thistle at first agreed to Daisy playing softball two summers ago in our town she then didn't take Daisy to a single game or practice that fell on her time (and we split custody at the time so Daisy missed 50% of the season). She also didn't attend any of Daisy's games to watch her daughter play that occurred on our time. The examples are endless....but Thistle is equally spiteful as she is selfish. So while she may want to be "free" and be able to go out if first she has a chance to keep Daisy from further enmeshing (is that a word?) in her life here with us, she'll do that.....even if it meant she kept Daisy from the lock-in this Friday, but then got a babysitter for her for that evening...it wouldn't surprise me. I think in her mind, the less extra-curricular type stuff Daisy is allowed to do here the less likely it is that she will fit in and then she won't like it here.

We've tried to circumnavigate this a bit by getting Daisy involved in week night activities. For example, she does tumbling on Tuesday nights and on Wednesday nights she's in a church program that alot of her classmates participate in. This way, since Thistle only sees her every other weekend, she can't interfere with Daisy being able to participate. However, the older Daisy gets the more of an issue this is going to become. For example, one year from now she can try out for middle school cheerleading. She's in tumbling and this would be right down her alley, however I guarantee you that Thistle will do EVERYTHING imaginable to keep Daisy from doing it. Number one will probably be by telling her it's "dorky". You see, in school Thistle was part of the stoner/party group.....but in my opinion she wanted to be in the "in" crowd and couldn't get there because no one liked her (she was just as nuts then as she is now). So instead of letting anyone know that's what she wanted, she just pretends to hate "preps" that are involved in school activities and acts like it was her choice to shun that group of people in school and she's trying to make Daisy the same way. While I know some custodial parents try to over-plan their child's life so the other parent can't enjoy any time with them we're almost at the other extreme. Daisy gets "punished" for her mom putting out no effort by not being able to participate in things. Dandelion and I have talked about trying to take this to court saying that if Daisy is involved in a school activity that Thistle has to either take her to the events/practices on her time or allow us to. While we don't think it would be right for us to court-order church events and stuff like that we think it's reasonable that school extra-curriculars should be respected by mom so Daisy can participate if she wants. Because while city league 7 year old softball doesn't really care if Daisy only shows up to half the games and practices, school sports aren't going to put up with a team member that doesn't show up to half of everything....it won't fly.

I got long-winded...sorry : )

Wondering what's up....

2011-03-09T07:20:00.001-08:00

Well, we emailed that information from the public record website to our lawyer (or really the lawyer's secretary) and our lawyer was busy but she had their associate attorney look at it and they think it looks like she's actually been arrested. I'm not convinced. I guess I'm just SO used to her getting away with anything and everything she does that I highly doubt she actually got arrested. I guess we could call that county's court system and try to figure it out and if by the end of the week we/Daisy still haven't heard from her then perhaps we will, since Daisy is supposed to see her mom this weekend.

Well, since mom is back in the area it kind of changes things as far as school events and extra-curriculars. We used to just assume if something Daisy wanted to do took place on mom's weekend then it wasn't going to happen because "mom lived so far away", or at least that's what she'd tell Daisy. However, this Friday night there is something at her school, a kind of lock-in, that she really wants to go to. They have them every quarter, but since she's been of age to go she's only ever been actually able to go to one because they've all taken place on mom's weekend. However, we always thought this was kind of crappy for Daisy, but we never said anything. We only heard about this lock-in from another parent, Daisy knows the drill so much she apparently wasn't even going to bring it up because she assumed she couldn't/wouldn't be able to go. So, I heard about it from the other parent, relayed the info to Dandelion, and before bed last night Dandelion asked her and she said she really wanted to go, but didn't know if her mom would let her. The way it would work with the timing is we would take her and Thistle could pick her up. She would be "giving up" 2 hours of her time, but honestly it's not like it's giving up time to us or even anything to do with us (we would never ask for her time for a church event, for example)....it's something at school.

So, Daisy said she'd try to ask her mom and Dandelion told her that wasn't her responsibility, that he would try to handle it. So, last night he texted (sigh........we HATE opening the door to communication, but sometimes it's a necessary evil to do what's right for Daisy) her explaining the event and that we could take her and she could pick her up. He also very nicely told her, it was "her" time so if she didn't want this to happen that was her right, he just needed to know whether she was picking Daisy up like usual or if he should take her to the school event. What did we get back? Silence. Which is WAAAAAAAY out of character. Usually, anytime Dandelion opens a line of communication that gets us a barrage of texts because basically, she's just been waiting for a chance to "talk" to him. So, the fact that we heard nothing kind of makes me think perhaps she did get picked up on the warrant?!?! But again, I doubt we'd be so lucky.

Most likely, she doesn't want Daisy to go (because she doesn't want Daisy to be involved in anything because she wants her to be the outsider so that she doesn't like it in our town and will eventually want to move to wherever Thistle may be at the time....she's made that perfectly clear) so instead of being the "bad guy" and just saying no to the lock-in she'll not respond to us and she'll call to talk to Daisy either at our house or at my in-laws after school (her preferred place to call) and miraculously, after talking to her mom, Daisy will "no longer want to go to the lock-in". Decoded that means....mom manipulated her into not going by telling her she could go, but that she had planned for them to slide down rainbows and ride unicorns at that time....so if she really wanted to miss all the rainbow sliding and unicorn riding then that was ok, but she'd really be missing out on all the fun mom had planned. Then Daisy "changes her mind" and then when she gets home from her mom's whatever "awesome" activity was promised undoubtedly didn't happen because mom was sick/didn't have money/was recovering from her latest ailment, but mom got her way and Daisy didn't go the event she wanted to attend. Pathetic.

We shall see how it turns out. Maybe she'll be agreeable and let her go, who knows. Or maybe she really is in jail which, if we can find that out before Friday means Daisy won't be going to her mom's anyway. Of course, Thistle would never want us to know she'd been arrested if that was the case. She'd probably just send her mom or sister or someone to pick up Daisy and keep her all weekend so that she wasn't with us, but if we KNOW she's in jail then (we would obviously check with our lawyer)I don't think we'd have to let her go.....we shall see. There's definitely rarely a dull moment!!

As an aside, I'm guessing this teeth pulling/surgery deal probably got Thistle some "good" drugs because Daisy explained something weird....now remember this supposed "surgery" was like 10 days ago now. She said she was on the phone with her mom a couple nights ago and randomly her mom said "hey, would you mind going to pick up a pretzel with cheese for me?" To which Daisy confused replied something to the effect of "huh?!?!" and then Thistle said "oh.....wait a minute....nevermind...." WTF?!?! That doesn't even make sense...what was Daisy supposed to do hop on her bike and go to the gas station and get a pretzel from god knows where and then pedal twenty miles to her grandma's house to deliver mom a pretzel? Even Daisy, who thinks her mom is perfect, (but, I'll admit, has been giving some hints lately that she realizes not everything with mom is "up to code") told the story in a WTF (for lack of a better way to describe it) tone. Like, WTF was my mom talking about?!?! Obviously, she didn't assume drugs, but the first thing Dandelion and I said to one another when we got in the other room was to the effect of "well, she's taking full advantage of whatever medication they gave her for the "pain". And think, she supposedly had another surgery less than a month before that one with a totally different doctor......I'm admitting this is ALL speculation on my part, but if she got medication for both procedures and is taking it....YOWZA!! On top of whatever it is that we're pretty sure she does normally anyway!!

Collections....with an update

2011-03-08T06:53:00.001-08:00

See the Update at the bottom of this post if you've already read it....

Last night when we got home from work there was something close to this message on our machine............

"Hi, Thistle Dandelion'sLastName, this is Ray Lastname with Suchnsuch Petroleum, we are the main office for Suchnsuch Gas Stations. I'm calling to discuss a problem with a check you recently wrote us. If you could give me a call back at your earliest convenience that would be great and we can get this straightened out. My number is 555-UPAY."

Hm.....guess we figured out how Thistle is currently "surviving"....she's just writing bad checks. Lovely. Here's the thing that has me baffled or at least trying to figure out what she's up to......this guy obviously had the check she wrote them......but he was calling her Thistle Dandelion'slastname. That's not her name. She is not divorced and her name is still Thistle Poisonoak'slastname. Additionally, Thistle had no checking account for the loooooooooongest time before she married Poison Oak because she wrote a bunch of bad checks and couldn't get an account anywhere....we're talking like dating back to 2005 or 2006...she hadn't had an account since then. When she got married we assumed she might be on his account, but we heard from Sapling's mom that she wasn't even on his checking. She certainly can't get a checking account now either. So.....why does this check have Dandelion's last name on it? Is she using 6 or 7 year old checks that are no different than writing an IOU on a piece of notebook paper? And the worry-wart part of me is hoping to hell she doesn't have a book of checks from 9 years ago that still have Dandelion's name on them......but certainly if it had both names the guy would have asked for her or Dandelion, which he didn't.

We have great credit, we're very proud of that.....if this woman can somehow f it up, I will be livid. I think it would be (althought a pain in the @ss) all fixable if she did because they are divorced and have been for nearly a decade and that would be fraud or forgery or something that I hope to god she could get in trouble for, but still.....I don't know why they're calling our house. Granted, Dandelion does still have the same home phone number that he had when they were married so they could have just gotten it by a little googling, but the fact they used that phone number, were talking about a check written recently, and had her as having Dandelion's last name has me wondering....

Any insights into what she might be up to? My thought is just blatantly writing bad checks....there are lots of gas stations that take checks and you can get gas, alcohol, cigarettes, and even various types of food there so she can get what she needs for "free" by writing a crappy check. My other questions is, how does this catch up to her? I thought bad checks had to be over a certain amount before it was "illegal".....so if she writes $50 here and $75 there and so on and so on does that count if it adds up? Or does she have to write, for example, 1 bad check worth $1,000 for it to matter?

This woman's way of living never ceases to amaze me.....and NOT in a good way!

So, we periodically check this website for legal proceedings listed by county in our state. It's basically a collection of court records. As you know, a couple years ago Thistle got a DUI, lost her license, got it back with a blow tube in her car, etc. I hadn't checked that county's site in a long time. I just checked it..........

A status hearing was held on that case in December and Thistle failed to appear. A warrant was issued for her arrest at that time. As of today's date actually, the warrant has been "returned". Now, we've got an email out to our lawyer asking what that means, but I've done some googling....from what I can tell it means the warrant either "expired" without being served or they tried to serve it and couldn't, or the person appeared in court. But this site lists court appearances and it doesn't say that defendent "appeared", it just says warrant returned. So, my guess is that they tried to serve it on her address 2.5 hours away and found she no longer lives there so the warrant was returned.

WOW!! This is spiralling so much worse than usual. We find out about a warrant and her writing bad checks all within 12 hours?! We knew she'd be at rock bottom with no income coming in, but this is just nuts. I feel so bad that this is Daisy's mom...seriously. Do any of you know if I'm accurate on what a "returned warrant" is? What should we do? I guess really there's nothing we can do really except just watch the train wreck happen?

Another weekend....

2011-03-07T08:15:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a good one. I had no cakes which is nice every once in a while! Daisy was invited to her first birthday party in a LOOOOONG time, I mean I can't remember exactly, but I don't think it would be exaggerating to say it was the first one in years. It was a sleepover. We were a bit apprehensive because this would be her first real unsupervised time with other kids since the bullying issue came to light. But yet we didn't want to not allow her to go because how would she ever improve the behavior if we never let her try?

So, she went, but a few minutes before she left I (Dandelion was at a meeting for a volunteer organization he's a part of) told her that this wasn't just us giving her a second chance, but that it was really her friends giving her a second chance to prove that she could be a nice, not bossy or bullying girl. And that she needed to prove to them that they made the right decision in inviting her. She seemed to understand. The next day I happened to talk to Mia's mom and she took the opportunity to tell me that things had gotten (according to Mia) much better at school with Daisy and that she was nice to everyone during the slumber party the night before too. THANK GOODNESS!! It appears our talking and working with her on improving her behavior has paid off a bit and I hope it continues! She's a better kid than how she was behaving and it wasn't just us being ticked at her, but she was doing herself a disservice by being so awful to others.

We also had our nephew's 5th birthday party this weekend....can't believe what a big boy he's getting to be!! I was also very proud of Dandelion....one thing we discussed when Daisy's "issues" with other kids finally came to light was that he needed to be more consistent with staying on top of things that came up with her (I don't do alot of direct punishment/correcting unless I'm the only one that sees it or unless she's doing something that she could physically harm herself...it just works better than way). Half way through the party it was just the adults visiting and the kids were playing. Our nephew (the bday boy whom Daisy likes to manipulate since he's younger) came up to Dandelion and said "Can Daisy come outside to play with me?" To which Dandelion asked "did Daisy tell you to ask me?" And our lovely, honest nephew said "yes!" So, in front of the group he called Daisy in from the other room where she was lurking waiting to hear the answer she wanted, said "Daisy, you need to go sit in that chair for the next five minutes. You, of course, could have gone out to play had you asked, but since you tried to be sneaky and make your cousin ask for something so simple you can sit down for the next several minutes". Wow...go Dandelion! I know in the grand scheme of things, what she did doesn't seem like a big deal, and it alone really isn't....but that's how Daisy works....she manipulates to get what she wants. In our new effort to be more vigilant in not allowing her to be rewarded for manipulation/poor behavior I think Dandelion did a great job. 1.) she didn't get her desired outcome and 2.) she's old enough to be embarrassed that she's 10 years old and got in trouble in front of her grandparents, aunts and uncle.

My sis-in-law asked (when the kids were off playing) how Daisy was doing with the new developments with her mom's life. We explained that the bullying situation had gotten better and of course Dandelion's mom jumped in that she "was pretty sure Daisy didn't even realize she was bullying people and didn't really mean to." I cut her no slack and said "I doubt she's that innocent....she knows right from wrong and knows that it's not right to pinch/threaten to pinch someone when they don't do what you want them to do. Not to mention all the other mean things she was doing to other kids." That stopped her from the "poor Daisy" train she was headed down which drives me NUTS!!!! Daisy doesn't need excuses made for her and I don't understand what's so hard to understand about that! My father in law seemed to get it more....there was a bullying thing on D@teline last night and he suggested we have Daisy watch it....but my MIL (and sometimes my FIL) thinks she does no wrong! So frustrating!!!

I can't remember if I've blogged about this or not, but we have decided to put her in a "camp" (basically daycare for older kids at a local sports/recreation center) for the summer instead of having her stay with my inlaws all day, every day. This camp they roller skate, swim, and on fridays go on field trips to local museums, etc....it's supposed to be great! It should help her with her need to get better at interacting with other kids and will keep her from spending day in and day out with my in-laws who allow whatever behaviour she exhibits. Now granted, I am grateful to my in-laws for being willing to care for her everyday, but being around kids and being active is better for her than spending everyday with two elderly people who let her eat all day and get away with whatever she wants. They might be a little miffed at us, but we think it's the best thing for Daisy. An hour or two everyday after school is one thing, but the whole summer is quite another. We'll have to play by ear in that last year she spent an entire month with Thistle, but if they're still living in a trailer with 5 adults this summer I doubt that Dandelion is going to be really hepped up on letting her stay there for a month. Not that we don't want her to see her mom, but maybe we can break it up and do two full weeks at different points in the summer. Say a week in June and a week in July or something like that. We shall see...

Not a whole lot....and I like it!

2011-03-03T09:28:00.001-08:00

I really don't have much going on right now, but I felt like I was due for a post. So lucky you...you get to read my pointless nonsense ; )

Number one on my list is I've begun to feel Sweet Pea moving around!! Or I'm assuming that's what it is. It's like an itch inside my stomach, or like there's fizzy Coke in there or something....little bubbles. I felt it for the first time on Friday night, but wasn't sure if that's what it was. Since then I have felt it off and on so I'm pretty sure it's our sweet pea letting me know he/she is there! I've also gotten REALLY excited these last couple days to find out the baby's gender. We find out two weeks from this coming Monday and I can't wait!!!! I'm so excited to start on the nursery and be able to look at gender specific baby clothes!! My mom is just as pumped as I am and Dandelion, not that he wasn't excited before, but he's starting to get really excited now....which goes with what I've read that the daddies get pumped when their is tangible proof of a baby coming...i.e. my swelling belly!! He talks to the baby before bedtime lots of nights and they have cute little "conversations"! Daisy continues to be pumped about the baby's impending arrival and is counting down the days until "gender day" (she's going with us to the doctor).

Daisy's mom supposedly had her surgery. If I let myself, sometimes I do feel a bit sorry for her her (as I would for any person that really had no one). The "surgery" (from what we're hearing it was having teeth pulled so I don't know that I consider this surgery, but who knows) took place Tuesday. Tuesday nights are very busy for Daisy and her mom knows this. Daisy has tumbling that night so dinner, homework, shower, bedtime all are pretty rushed on Tuesdays to fit in her tumbling. So anyway, we get home from tumbling with 40 minutes left for her to shower, dry her hair and get to bed. Do-able, but we're not talking tons of time here. On our answering machine when we got home from tumbling was a message from Thistle's sister (who now lives in the same house as Thistle with their mother) saying Daisy should call Thistle's cell phone. Really?! I'm sure the sister left the message because Thistle "couldn't" due to her surgery and it made it much more dramatic if someone else had to leave the message. After she was all ready for bed she had about 5-10 mins to spare so we had her call them back. The whole gist of the conversation was basically Thistle calling to update Daisy on her "condition". Again, really?! Now, it's not like we were trying to make her ignore her mom's "surgery", but the kid had a busy night and if she'd wanted/asked to call her mom she'd have been able to, but she didn't. Meaning mom was getting no attention from Daisy about the "surgery" which just WASN'T going to do for Thistle. So she had to call to give her an update. Just pathetic. I've said this 1 million times, but how sad is it that the woman has NO ONE that cares two craps about her so she has to call her 10 year old to make her care? I had oral "surgery" one day a couple years ago and all Daisy knew was that I was off work that afternoon and "went to the dentist". Not that we were keeping anything from her, but seriously it was jut a non-issue. My life went on as normal so what was the point in riling her up about it or trying to gain sympathy from a child? None. Not to mention during tumbling Daisy nailed a move she's been trying to get for awhile. Do you think there was time for that to be brought up while mom had whining and looking for sympathy to do? I doubt it. It sucks when we have to watch Daisy be the adult with that woman!

WOWZA!!

2011-03-01T12:45:00.000-08:00

So, remember we were supposed to have a hearing in January for unpaid medical bills? My hubby got pre-approved by the judge not to have to be there, but to be represented by our lawyer. Everything was pretty self-explanatory and could be explained by our lawyer easily via our court documents and our (my....come on, I've gotta take credit for something ; ) records as far as receipts, spreadsheets, letters to mom requesting reimbursement (dating back to 2008), etc. Well, Thistle got that hearing continued because she had to have surgery in the days after the hearing (yeah, makes no sense why you can't go to a hearing days before you have surgery, but it's just another excuse).

The hearing got re-scheduled for yesterday which again, Dandelion was pre-approved not to have to attend. However, Thistle was a complete no-show. Just heard from our lawyer...it's been re-scheduled again for the end of this month, but he says if she doesn't show again the judge will likely issue a warrant for her arrest. HOLY COW!!

Now, I always knew in the back of my mind that this was a possibility, but still...to see it in writing from our lawyer....again, WOW!

Not that I want her to go to jail, per se, but it sure would be nice to see this woman get some sort of reprimand for continually thumbing her nose at the law. However, she'll show up. She always knows exactly how far she can push things, pushes them right up to the line, and then does whatever to clean up her mess and not get in any "real" trouble.

I'm sure she'll claim she didn't know about the hearing since she never changed her address with the court from the one 2.5 hours away so the notice undoubtedly went to that house. However, she was just there this weekend and I'm sure got her mail, not to mention that most responsible adults get a forwarding order for their mail....though why would you want to do that if you're trying to dodge bill collectors?